In case there was any doubt in your mind after Samantha hired a locksmith to come change her locks, Lindsay Lohan confirmed in a statement today that she and Samantha Ronson had broken up.

“We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself,” she said. Um. I can’t even count the ways in which that statement is likely to be untrue. Hopefully Lindsay will be focusing on herself by getting to AA meetings and keeping her nose — quite literally — clean, but somehow I doubt that.

Meanwhile, Samantha hasn’t issued any statement, but on her MySpace page on Sunday she wrote that “aura in pleasanton is very pleasant.” I wouldn’t take this to mean anything other than the fact that she DJ’d at a club called Aura in Pleasanton, California, and didn’t have a terrible time, but I’m sure people will misconstrue it from here to Hong Kong.

Sheesh. The truth is, Lindsay Lohan is one of the few starlets around for whom I genuinely want the best. Despite myself, I’m always rooting for that crazy kid. I mean, sure, her antics drive traffic like crazy, but I’d gladly sacrifice that for her to have a little bit of serenity in her life. Take this time and get your act together for real, Lindsers.

This is working out really well, isn’t it, Linds? The drinking, the drugging? It’s all going so awesome. That’s why you look so happy.

As Kelly reported this weekend, Lindsay was turned away from a party where Samantha was DJ’ing this weekend. Samantha was reportedly having a blast inside, while Lindsay was screaming and shouting at the door because she wasn’t allowed inside, per Sam’s orders. The two are splitsville, according to their friends, at least for now.

Lindsay got kicked out of Sam’s house, of course, so now she’s staying at the Chateau Marmont, where she usually holes her ass up to do cocaine for weeks on end when shit gets bad. Because when you’re rich and famous and have nothing else you need to do, that’s a totally reasonable reaction to a bad day. Aren’t you glad you’re not rich and famous?

Mama Lohan and Aliana are hangin’ there with her, probably because she doesn’t feel like meeting her dealer in the lobby every twelve hours, so she sends them instead. TRUST.

How many days until Lindsay’s back in rehab??? It’s a when, not an if at this point.

So, remember the I <3 Ronson event I posted pictures from? Like two posts ago? Did you notice that a certain someone was conspicuously absent? Typically, you can’t write “Samantha Ronson” without also writing “Lindsay Lohan”– it’s like dangling a participle… a cocaine-soaked, insane,  overly dramatic participle.

But last night, at the launch party for Charlotte Ronson’s JC Penney clothing line, Miss Lilo (if you’re nasty) was reportedly barred from entering. Nicole Richie, Sting, Jewel, and Paris Hilton were welcome (how do you get such a turn out for the debut of a JC Penney clothing line?) but Lindsay was “restrained from coming in by five security guards” who were “under strict instructions from the Ronson family to look out for Lindsay and not to let her in under any circumstances.” Apparently she knew well ahead of time that she would not be welcome, but showed up anyway. The Ronsons’ Lindsay repellent program was so strong that, according to a source at the party,  “Unless Lindsay rams a truck through the red carpet or skydives in, she won’t be here.”

I wouldn’t have put it past her. Must be rough on the ego to not be able to get into an event hosted by JC Penney. Hell, even I can drive 10 minutes to the  mall and do that. But since no trucks were driven into the front of Bar Marmont, I guess Lindsay went home after she couldn’t get in. And by “home”, I mean every other bar in West Hollywood.

I’m feeling tired and devastatingly un-clever. So to warm up,  I’m just going to post some pictures of famous people looking like shit.

Here’s the Ronson family at the I “Heart” Ronson launch party “red carpet” (red carpet courtesy of JC Penney). I’m not sure, but I think the designer, Charlotte Ronson, might have a bit of a lazy eye.  I’m guessing the collection includes a lot of bold horizontal stripes that inexplicably trail off and slant down to the left when you’re talking to them.

As for Corey Kennedy (see slide show) the whole knee pads in your tights look is a new one on me. <insert dick-sucking joke here>

Puss ‘N’ Boots and Samantha light up cigarettes as they pull away from Maxfield after some hardcore shopping in LA this weekend.

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson exhaust me.  I read these stories of them fighting and crying and screaming and it makes me have to take a nap.  It’s just such a high level of drama all the time.

The newest altercation was at Prive nightclub when Sam left without Lindsay.  You do not leave your celebulez at the club.  Please click here to watch the video, complete with Linds telling security, “She left?  She left?  Get my fucking keys now!”

I wonder if Linds drank Coke at Prive?  Or maybe a hot coffee with Sweet & Blow.  Perhaps this tantrum is just for the cameras and she’s method acting.  Ack…I’m out of thinly veiled drug references.  These two are so fucked up.

I don’t know what all this concern has been about Lindsay’s weight lately.  Every non-boot related and non-crying jag at 2AM on the street related article I read about her, refers to the scarfing down of Big Macs and Red Bull.  I don’t see the issue.  She’s really the picture of health at this point; her thermal shirt has seen better days though.

Anyway, Sam and Linds went out for a snack last night and it’s clear to me that Linds is totally enjoying her hearty teaspoonful of frozen yogurt at Yogurtland in West Hollywood.