Lindsay and Samantha celebrated Sam’s 31st birthday last night by hitting up a ton of Hollywood clubs, and, of course, renting an ice cream truck.

This is an amazing idea. I had planned to take a bunch of my friends to get Glamour Shots for my next birthday (do they still have Glamour Shots? oh please say they do!) but I may rent an ice cream truck and drive around all day instead.

The Terrible Twosome are back in the City of Angels, apparently sporting new matching tattoos.

First acquired in July 2006 with then-beau Harry Morton, Lindsay’s tattoo (on her left hand between the thumb and index finger) was white in color. She has since had the tat outlined with black ink, and Ronson has replicated the heart on her own left hand.

Quick to reciprocate, Lindsay has also turned up with one of Samantha’s tattoos. Ronson has cascading red stars inked down her right arm, and now Lohan is showing off a red star on her right hand.

I can’t find good pics of these tats yet, but I’m going to be on the lookout, and I’ll definitely post them if I come across them. If you guys see them elsewhere, send me the link!

Lindsay and SamRo hit up Miami International Airport on Wednesday after spending a few days hanging out there with Samantha’s family.

I’m relieved that Lindsay’s going to be back in LA, where the paparazzi can keep a closer eye on her.

Word on the street is that Lindsay Lohan was drinking under the table — literally — at Mark Ronson’s recent gig in Chicago.

Mark Ronson had two women at his feet during his deejay gig at the Hard Rock Hotel Chicago: his sister Samantha and her girlfriend, Lindsay Lohan. During Mark’s set, the cuddly twosome sat underneath a table near his feet and had waiters bring them drinks. When they did come out of hiding, Sam – who opened for Mark at the Mextromix.com’s Music Lounge Rock the Vote Nights event – was “constantly texting with Lindsay, even though Lindsay was seated on the stage near her,” laughed a witness. “They’d text and giggle and just stare at each other.”

Hee hee. My roommate and I used to do that. Not the drinking under the table thing, the texting someone who’s sitting right next to you thing. We’d sit on the couch, watching television, with our laptops across our laps, and occasionally have IM conversations like this:

Me: This commercial is stupid.
Her: You’re stupid.
Me: Are you going to clean up that cereal bowl you just left on the table?
Her: Not now, I’m busy.
Me: Doing what?
Her: IMing with somebody.

It was so awesome. So I totally get this.

Anyway, La Lohan and Samantha are currently staying at the Delano in Miami, where Lindsay’s getting to spend some time with Samantha’s family. “Lindsay and Sam were very comfortable with the group around. You can tell they’re so in love,” said a source who saw the couple hanging out with the rest of the Ronson clan. “Lindsay seemed to really fit in. It seemed like everyone really likes her.”

Way to go, Linds!

After LA police chief William Bratton stepped WAY over the line by involving Lindsay Lohan’s sexuality in an on-the-record discussion of pending paparazzi legislation, Lindsay had some choice words to say to him when the paps tracked her down at the airport.

“Police, you shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life, it’s inappropriate,” she said.

As for Samantha? She’s updated her Facebook status to say “chief bratton should talk less and do more.”

I’m actually shocked that Chief Bratton’s not getting more static for this. I cannot believe he just dragged Lindsay’s fucking sexuality into a discussion of what the paparazzi can and can’t do. It’s grossly inappropriate and unprofessional, and it’s shocking to me that he hasn’t seen further consequences for this.

It’s not even that slow a news day, but somehow E! has written an entire story about how LiLo and SamRo were allowed to chainsmoke inside Crown Bar in WeHo last night. Can you believe it? The management didn’t even complain.

You know what else, you guys?

It’s an EVIL BEET EXCLUSIVE!!!!

Lindsay Lohan just turned 21 last year. But somehow she’s been frequenting the club scene for about five years. By my calculations, this means she was underage for several years when she was drinking in clubs, and the management didn’t even complain.

Can you believe it? Celebrities are treated differently than other people! I smell a Pulitzer!

Anyway, the DJ at Crown reportedly played Lindsay’s new single, “Bossy,” and Lindsay didn’t even seem to care. She was just busy texting on her Blackberry. She was probably just hiding her face because she was ashamed that she had anything to do with that song.

And as for SamRo? “They didn’t kiss or hold hands, but they sat very close together,” said a spy. “At one point, Lindsay laid her head on Sam’s shoulder. You could tell they are very close.”

La Lohan and SamRo are back in LA, and were roaming the streets the other day. And it’s actually come to this — I am censoring a T-shirt. Because there are penises on Samantha’s T-shirt. Because she is cool with that. I want a T-shirt with a penis on it. In fact, I want anything with a penis on it. I get no play.

Uncensored pic is after the jump. I may or may not get an email from my boss asking me to take it down. If the penis is on a T-shirt, does that count as a real penis? I’m not sure. It’s art, Mr. Boss Man. It’s art. See? Like this:

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