Well, just thought I’d take a moment out of my busy Precious Moments doll collecting, musical watching and sweatshirt puffy painting schedule to blabber on about another famous person’s child. Certainly you can’t think that all the time I spend choosing to write about how cute I think other people’s kids are has anything to do with the rapid speed of my biological clock and lack of things I truly care about! Surely that cannot be the case! Ahem. However, there is something quite special about seeing a tiny half-Salma Hayek running around town with her mommy looking all grown up compared to the little bundle she used to be. Yes, Valentina Paloma Pinault may just be one of my favorite celebrity kidlets, and her expressive toddler face sealed the deal in these photos snapped while the two went shopping in Beverly Hills Saturday morning. Check out the gallery below which includes many adorable facial expressions from the rubber-faced Valentina.

Of all the email accounts in all of the world, the kids over at 4Chan opted to hack into Salma Hayek’s. Why they couldn’t have done Lindsay Lohan’s is a mystery to me. It would have been way more interesting. But instead, what we have is Salma’s.

Screenshots of the shayek@mac.com email account, released by habitués of the online bulletin board 4chan, appear to be authentic. Breaking into the account was a simple matter of knowing Hayek’s birthday — September 2 — and guessing at her security word (they claim it was the name of her best known movie role) to reset the account’s password. Public-records searches show that the 323-area-code phone number Hayek listed in a sent email belongs to the actress.

The glimpses into Hayek’s life revealed by her inbox are fascinating, even if mundane: The stranger-suckling actress has been invited to America Ferreira’s 25th birthday party. She downloads a bunch of iPhone applications from the iTunes App Store — and she gets spam from Apple, just like the rest of us. As for the perks of being famous, a driver was scheduled to meet her flight arrving in Abu Dhabi. American Express has given her a new Gold card. (What, she doesn’t rate the exclusive black Centurion Card?) Balenciaga and Stella McCartney deliver designer clothes to her apartment. She schedules “Japanese face massages.” And she gets scans of stories about her in the celebrity weeklies.

Screenshots are in the thumbnails below. Prepare to be fascinated.

“Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call

When she get tired of runnin’ after you down the hall

And she’s all worn out from those late-night feedings

and she’s ready for another rock and roll meeting.”

The subtle lyrics to Prince’s new song, “Valentina.”  Incidentally, Prince has obviously had a thing for Salma Hayek for quite awhile.  In his 2001 song “Liquid Dreams,” he sang, “Angelina Jolie’s lips to kiss in the dark, underneath Cindy C’s beauty mark.  When it comes to the test, well Tyra’s the best, and Salma Hayek brings the rest.”

Every once in a while, I come across a story that leaves me a little speechless.  This would be one of those times.

Salma Hayek is on the cover of April’s issue of InStyle and talking all about how her billionaire husband helped her through the devastating burden of figuring out what to wear.

François was my stylist,” Hayek, 42, tells InStyle for its April issue about the champagne Bottega Veneta gown she wore to the Golden Globes. It was Christmas and I was just overwhelmed with so many things to do. He said, ‘Let me help you. How can I help?’

And I said, ‘Well, I have to pick a dress for the Golden Globes,’  Hayek continues, recounting her conversation with hubby François Henri-Pinault, whose company PPR oversees Balenciaga, Gucci and YSL. So Bottega Veneta sent swatches and sketches, and François worked with the designer Tomas Maier, and he took care of everything.

A man picked out and designed this dress?  Well, that explains the neckline.

Salma Hayek and father of her tri-lingual ghost hunter baby, billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, married on Valentine’s Day in City Hall located in central Paris.

Though the couple split last summer, they were soon seen spending time together again, fueling reconciliation rumors.  Sounds like rich Gucci guy came up with a pre-nup that Salma and wondertot Valentina could live with.  With an estimated $16.9B fortune at stake, I certainly hope so!

Best of luck to the happy couple!

May I ask a question?  Really a series of questions:  If Rachael Ray hadn’t been sanctioned by Oprah, would anyone know who she is?  What is wrong with Rachael Ray’s voice and why won’t she fix it?  Would anyone be willing to sign a petition to outlaw the use of words such as “Yumm-o” and “Dee-lish”?  Thank you for any insight you can provide.

Salma Hayek taped a segment on The Rachael Ray Show, airing today, in which she talks about her amazing little wondertot.  Apparently little sixteen-month-old Valentina is tri-lingual; she can speak Spanish, French and English.  I have three children and I’d like to say that my kids weren’t, uh….mono-lingual at sixteen months.  But Valentina was made from Gucci sperm so she’s special.

Salma’s little United Nations interpreter-in-training also sees dead people.  Hayek told Rachael, “Last night she saw a ghost. I’m convinced.  Last night she woke up and her eyes were open. And she’s looking at one specific point and she’s going, ‘No no no no, au revoir,’ which means goodbye in French … And she’s looking at someone, but there’s no one there.  I was so scared, and I’m like, ‘Yes, au revoir, whoever you are, get out!’ And then she started saying it in English: ‘Bye bye, bye bye!’ I guess she was trying in different languages to see what nationality this ghost was to go away. It was terrifying!”

It’s time for a dose of honesty:  if a kid doesn’t have the intelligence to not shit themselves, they don’t have the intelligence to try out their smorgasbord of languages on an apparition to determine how to communicate on the most effective level.

Salma recently confided during a USATODAY interview that during her trip to Africa she felt a deep maternal need to intervene in the case of one child whose mother was unable to breastfeed.

“The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn’t have milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breast-fed the baby,” she says, her voice dropping.

“You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment, he immediately stopped crying.”

Well, she definitely has all the necessary equipment. 

This is decidely noble of her and I applaud Salma for her, uh….generosity, but the whole situation is somewhat awkward. I just imagine the whole thing with the interviewer going something like that scene in Meet the Parents where Ben Stiller’s character claims to have milked his cat. 

“I’m like an alcoholic. It is like, I don’t care if I cry, I don’t care if I am fat, I am just going to do it for one more week, one more month, and then when I see how much good it is doing her and I can’t stop.”

Salma Hayek, discussing breastfeeding her 14-month-old daughter, Valentina.

Salma Hayek has called off her engagement to super ultra gazillionaire Francois-Henri Pinault (the CEO of Gucci), her rep said today.

“We are sad to announce the engagement of Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault has been canceled,” publicist Cari Ross said in a statement. “There will be no further comment.”

The couple have a child together, daughter Valentina Paloma Pinault.

Salma probably realized she doesn’t need to marry the dude. Little Valentina will keep her rolling in Pinault dough for the rest of her life!

Meet Valentina Pinault, two months old.

I love this kid already.

Check out the expression on her face. She’s all like, “What’s up, motherfuckers? Ready for me to turn 18 or what?”

Love it love it love it.

Oh, yeah. I remember now. It’s just that I never cared.

Salma popped out the kid on Friday, a little girl named Valentina Paloma Pinault. Mother and baby are doing well, and hopefully Salma will never again have to attend formal events dressed for the Renaissance Fair.

Remember this chick? She was Al Lambert, the little tomboy girl, on Step by Step. She’s worked steadily in television guest roles since, but not in anything you’d remember. She was in Georgia Rule, which no one saw, and she’ll be in Paris Hilton’s upcoming The Hottie and the Nottie, which, God willing, no one will see. Anyway, she popped up at the Colette Jewelry party in L.A. on Thursday night, and she made damn sure the cameras caught her side boob. Because Paris Hilton is in jail and anyone can be famous until June 25.

Also there: Salma Hayek, who doesn’t seem to be too concerned about gaining a ridiculous amount of pregnancy weight, and I’d give her shit for that, but you know what? Good for her. And Brooke Burke, who is adorable.

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