Sooooo, you guys, I am VERY EXCITED to announce a super awesome contest Evil Beet is doing in honor of the DVD release of The Proposal, starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. We are giving away a trip for two to either Napa Valley or Las Vegas to the winner of our latest contest. The trip will include domestic airfare and two nights’ stay in the location of your choice. This is VERY VERY AWESOME and we’re SO PUMPED to get to give this prize to one of you.

What’s the contest? Here it is in legalese:

To enter: Send an email to proposalcontest@evilbeetgossip.com with your first and last name, age, email address and postal mail address (including Zip Code) and include in the email your own original true story in English, in 500 words or less, about the best, funniest most unusual marriage or romantic commitment proposal you’ve had. Each story must be entrant’s own original creation, executed solely by entrant and may not have won any other award. Stories may not have been published previously. Modifying, enhancing or altering a third party’s preexisting work does not qualify as entrant’s original creation.

So, basically, you send in your funniest or bestest original proposal story. I specifically requested the language about “romantic commitment” because I’m of the opinion that just because your state doesn’t think you can legally marry doesn’t mean you can’t win my contest. So this is open to “opposite marriage” as well as same-sex proposal stories. Unfortunately, it is not open to contestants outside of the US or under the age of 18. Because of the value of the prize, there are a bunch of uber-legal rules here. PLEASE READ THE RULES CAREFULLY because we have to follow them to a T. Like, for instance, if you don’t include your ZIP code in your submission, we can’t consider it. So please please read the rules. The contest will be judged by me as well as members of my harem over here at RealNetworks. So sending me amazing bribes won’t guarantee you a win. You will have to send all of us amazing bribes. (Contact me for a full list of mailing addresses of judges … kidding.)

The contest starts immediately, it ends on October 26, and the winner will be announced around November 9.

Let’s give a great big THANK YOU to Disney and The Proposal for being the inspiration behind this contest and this awesome opportunity for you guys. All together now: “Thank you Disney and The Proposal.”

Oooh, I hope so!!! I don’t know why I despise this couple so. The angsty 13-year-old in me who worships Alanis Morissette is still angry on her behalf. Honestly, I’m sure Alanis has completely moved on with her life and doesn’t give a damn what happens between Ryan and Scarlett Johansson, but I’m like “BREAK UP! BREAK UP! BREAK UP!” I also get really bitter about people who just stumble into the love of their lives and marry them after 20 seconds of dating and live happily ever after (anyone remember how psyched I was about Kate Hudson’s marriage ending?). So this was delightful to hear:

[T]he couple has kept their relationship under lock and key for the last 10 months, but our spies warn of recent arguments and fights. The most heated occurred last week, as they were about to depart for San Diego’s Comic Con sci-fi convention.

Scarlett, there to discuss her new role as Black Widow in “Iron Man 2,” was set to appear on her panel with Robert Downey Jr. and other cast members. Ryan was just cast as the lead in “Green Lantern,” a Warner Brothers flick. An insider tells FOX411 “they got in a huge fight just before they were going to Comic Con. It caused such a rift between them that Ryan refused to attend the conference and he told Scarlett she could go alone. She got so angry she threatened to take off her wedding band.”

The conference continued as normal, with a notably absent Ryan missing from the Warner Brothers panel. The company had planned on debuting major plans for the new superhero movie, and now insider says Ryan has “angered the executives.” Apparently Scarlett began the fight but came out smelling like rose thanks to her appearance at the conference.

I keep waiting for the statement from Ryan or Warner Bros or someone denying this, but nothing yet. FINGERS CROSSED!!!

Oh, and what’s with the weird tat, Scarlett?

After much ado, it appears that Mr. Scarlett Johansson will be taking the coveted role of The Green Lantern in the upcoming flick based on the DC Comics hero.

Reynolds and his camp entered negotiations for the part Friday, after the studio held two rounds of screen tests, along with actors Bradley Cooper and Jared Leto. Justin Timberlake also did a screen test.

The studio had holding options on the actors, but, except for Reynolds, those expired Monday. Reynolds’ option would have expired end of day Friday.

One reason for the long search was De Line, Campbell and the studio each had a different favorite among the finalists, making it difficult to come to a consensus.

Oooh, I definitely would have liked to see Bradley Cooper in this role. I’d like to see Bradley Cooper in any role. I didn’t really understand the fuss around him, and then I finally got around to seeing The Hangover last week — which I thought was funny, but not AS funny as everyone else seemed to find it — and now I’m completely in love with Bradley Cooper and I want to marry him. Did you guys know he used to be married to Jennifer Esposito, the chick from Spin City? I actually love her too. So I’ll feel a little guilty when Bradley and I get married, but I think I’ll get over it once we start consummating our marriage over and over and over again.

Anyway. Congrats, Ryan. You still bore me, though.

You know, sometimes I ask myself, “Why do we build these celebrities up just to tear them down? To take such joy in their personal sorrows? Why do I participate in such an industry?”

And then I read this sort of bullshit from Scarlett Johansson, in a new interview with Allure, where she’s ohhhhhh so in love with her quickie hubby Ryan Reynolds — for instance, when told by the interviewer that she inspired Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl,” Scarlett said “That’s flattering, but my lips are kind of taken.” And then she’s all like, “I always wanted to get married and have kids. I just never had any preconceived idea about what that would be like … My life seems to be happening naturally.” And when asked how she and Ryan met, she’s like “Nobody knows. It’s private. It’s our story.” And it’s all just SO FREAKIN’ OBNOXIOUS. We get it, Scarlett. Your life is so perfect and you’re so in love and everything is wonderful and ideal and you look down your nose at us poor slobs who only wish we could have it as good and “natural” as you.

And it’s at moments like this where I’m like, “Dude, I cannot fucking wait until this relationship blows up in her face and I get to write about it.”

On Sunday, Ryan Reynolds completed the New York City Marathon in 3 hours, 50 minutes and 22 seconds, a perfectly respectable time for a virgin marathoner. He competed to raise money for the Michael J. Fox Foundation, inspired by his father’s own battle with Parkinsons.

“When I saw Michael J. Fox on Fifth Avenue, I gained about 15 pounds in goose bumps. It kind of pushed me through the last six miles or so,” he said.

Stop doing shit like this, Ryan, or else I’ll have to stop hating you, and I’m just not sure either of us is really ready for that.

Why does everybody insist on running everywhere these days?

It’s so annoying.

Ryan Reynolds has announced that he’ll be running the New York marathon on November 2.

He’s doing it to support people with Parkinsons Disease, like his own father, as he details in an open letter published in the Huffington Post, which, I have to admit, doesn’t totally suck and, for once in my life, I’m not going to be snarky about the writing skills of a Hollywood actor.

Seriously, though, I kind of have it in my head to train for the Rock ‘n Roll half-marathon in Phoenix in January. I’m kind of tiptoeing toward it. Right now, I’m just working on running three miles without dying. We’ll see what happens from there. My friend Trish and I are trying to train together, but every time we plan to run together, it rains. Winter time in Seattle is maybe not the best time to train for a half-marathon. But if I’m not going to have a baby out of wedlock like all the stars, at least I can run a lot of miles like they all do.

After talking incessantly about how they were going to have a long engagement, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot this weekend in a low-key ceremony near Vancouver, British Columbia.

Can’t wait for the pregnancy announcement!

We’d like to offer Alanis Morissette her own little online outlet to talk about whatever she wants.

Write an essay for us!

Alanis writing for Perez!!!!! I love it. Come on, Alanis. After So-Called Chaos, you owe us.

Also, this is the slowest news day ever.

Scarlett Jo (full last name withheld due to possible spelling errors) is maybe possibly dating someone new.

People Magazine is all over it!

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds spent a busy weekend in New York City together. On Saturday night, the pair were seen getting close at the Manhattan restaurant Odeon. “They were in a good mood,” says one eyewitness who saw them laughing and smiling. “They were definitely holding hands,” says another observer. “They were a cute couple!”

Hey there observer, you watch yourself. I’ll be the judge as to whether they are a cute couple. Okay, I’ve decided. They’re not.

More after the jump.

Here’s some fun with random quotes:

The whole group “was having a blast,” says one witness. “It looked like a group of friends. I don’t even think they were celebrating Easter.”

I get two vibes from that quote. Either 1) They should have been celebrating Easter or 2) How did they have fun without celebrating Easter? It seems impossible like fun could be had on a Sunday without at least humping a bunny’s leg.

As for me, I used to be a big Scarlett fan. Her work in Lost in Translation was sublime. But she’s gone too far on the idiot quote front. She’s now just like everyone else trying to build “mystery.” Whatever. Next on her dating radar: Lance Bass. Possible quote:

“I don’t focus on someone’s sexuality. If they’re straight, great. But that’s not what I’m about, thinking sex has to come with every boyfriend.”

Tell me that doesn’t sound like a real quote from her. Just try it.

*pic from Allure Magazine. Yes, she is hot.

Jessica Biel sure is a slut pretty. She’s just everyone’s favorite rebound girl. After breaking up with Derek Jeter earlier this year, Jessica promptly jumped into bed with Justin Timberlake, who had split from Cameron Diaz mere weeks before. Her latest target is hottie Ryan Reynolds, who ended his on-again-off-again engagement to Alanis Morissette (who?) in early February.

The two hard-bodies were spotted at a dinner date at Santa Monica’s Balabu this week. They would certainly have very hot babies, but, honestly, can’t Jessica give her fellow actresses a tiny bit of breathing room before hopping on their men?

Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds must have received the letters I’ve been writing them, begging that the natural order of the universe be restored, and that Ryan Reynolds genes of total hotness not be mixed with Alanis’s weird pear-shaped ones. They’ve split up. [Hollywood Grind]

I hate covering stories that involve Katie Holmes talking. [Defamer]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan. [The Blemish, The Superficial]

Fuckin’ Lindsay Lohan’s mom. [Hollyscoop]

Yes, we have pictures of Denise Richards’ labia. This is very good news for Heather Locklear in the maintenance and improvement of the voo-doo doll. [The Superficial]