You guys, something wonderful has happened in the past few hours.

I left the office around three feeling grumpy and annoyed with the world. I was just in one of those little funks where, despite the fact that my life is essentially perfect, I’m still like “I never get what I want, nothing is fair, why do I even try, I’m so over everything.” I just wanted to throw a temper tantrum and hit people in the face.

Then I did a half hour on the elliptical machine at the gym, staring out the window at the glorious, pounding, cool Seattle rain, spent time getting honest with some friends, did an hour and a half of yoga and then came home to find a hundred new pictures of Rumer Willis at the House Bunny premiere on a photo service. And you know what? I felt not a tinge of hatred. I am relaxed and at peace with the world. I have nothing mean to say about Rumer right now. I have nothing mean to say about Ashton. I have nothing mean to say about Demi Moore. And there are like a million mean things to say about why Bruce Willis isn’t there, but I don’t feel like typing out any of them.

I think it’s sweet that there is obviously so much love and support in that family. This is a big day for Rumer and how wonderful that they can be there to cheer her on.

Look at me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Don’t worry kids, this won’t last. Otherwise I’d be out of a job.

“If we weren’t all entirely morally opposed to doing a reality show, I guarantee it would be the best-selling reality show ever.”

Rumer Willis, on the possibility of doing a reality show with her sisters. The “best-selling” reality show ever, eh, Rumer? We usually go with “highest-rated” in this context, but I’ll let it slip because you’re not very smart. It’s not like we can reasonably expect you to have any knowledge of the entertainment industry. And how much you wanna bet this show gets made just as soon as her younger sisters are old enough to sign the consent forms?

Rumer also said the following about all of us: “It’s shocking how unbelievably mean people are – not just the people who are writing stuff, the people who make comments. For awhile I read that stuff, and it was upsetting, I’d get really down on myself, which is debilitating. Now I think, ‘Do you really have nothing better to do?’”

You hear that, you guys? You’re hurting Rumer Willis’ feelings. Seriously, guys, back away from the computer and go do very important things with your time, just like Rumer Willis does. I mean, really, think of all the important things Rumer Willis does all day. Like talk about herself. And go shopping. And talk about herself.

My precious Brittany Snow is sullied by the presence of Rumer Willis at the LA premiere of Prom Night.

What was Rumer even doing there in the first place?

They probably wanted something scary around. It’s a horror flick, you know.

Just tell the cops you were aiming at her new haircut. They’ll understand.

It’s not that I disagree with the sentiment — Do people still club seals these days? Really? Why? — it’s just that, you know, I wouldn’t put it on a sweatshirt. And I don’t like club sandwiches. But I don’t like clubbed seals, either. In fact, I’m only indifferent on the matter of unclubbed seals. So whatever.

But far be it from me to disagree with Rumer Willis. She kinda got fucked when the Golden Globes got canceled — she was Miss Golden Globes this year, which is reason enough to cancel the damn thing, if you ask me — so I’m gonna go easy on her about this.

With actor Aaron Yoo in Brentwood.

At a screening party in LA.

Rumer Willis worms her way into a picture with Hayden Panettiere at the GQ “Men of the Year” party.

How are these two even from the same planet?