Rumer Willis taped David Letterman last night — I’m pretty sure her appearance got bumped to tonight’s show.  Here’s the thing:  I cannot find any haterade within me for this girl.  The tabloids love to bash Rumer for her looks and acting, but I … I dunno … I kinda like her.  I think she has a very unusual look and doesn’t seem like a coked-out freak.  That goes a long way with me.

I’m not thrilled with her dress, but she’s got a killer body and I think the longer hair is so much more complimentary.  See?  I do have the capacity to look kindly upon certain celebs.  I hope I didn’t shock any of my peeps to death.

It’s red carpet time! Or, I guess in this case, it’s green carpet time. Young Hollywood turned out in droves for Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards. I don’t know who won what award because I’m not a teen, and it’s not my choice. I chose to watch football. But I do enjoy seeing who wore what to the awards show.

The green carpet was shot outside, in natural light– something for which Beet always cuts celebs a little extra slack. But not me. Because its the same light that all of us have to live every day of our lives in. So when a celeb shows up on the red carpet in natural light that reveals their haggard eye bags and pancake makeup, I feel highly vindicated. Case in point: Amanda Bynes (above). I’m not sure what kinds of bottles she’s been hitting, or how often, but I’m convinced that bottles are definitely being hit.

I’m also convinced that inside Rumer Willis’ gullet is a pelican desperately struggling to swallow a fish.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, looked fabulous. I’ve never been a big fan of her fashion choices, but her dress tonight was sexy with a touch of  class.

Miley Cyrus showed up in an outfit that may have been made up of pieces from her Wal-mart line. I have nothing against Wal-mart, and definitely nothing against Miley, but I’m not so sure that was the best fashion choice for an awards show. Nothing says tacky like a darkly colored bra showing through a wife beater.

Other atendees included Robert Pattinson, looking drugged and disheveled as ever, Kristen Bell in my least favorite celeb fashion trend of the last few years (a jumpsuit), the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Emma Roberts, Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart, Alexis Bledel, Ashley Tisdale, Selena Gomez, and Kat Von D.

So who had your favorite look of the evening? Worst?

They’ve been married an eternity in Hollywood time, but the bond between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore still seems to be strong. Ashton’s been promoting his new movie, Spread, where he plays a male hooker — the Film.com film critic summarized it to me by saying “Ashton has about forty sex scenes. I’d lend you a copy but I’d be afraid of what would be on it when you gave it back.”

At the red carpet event for Spread, he spoke to People magazine about how Demi Moore gets more beautiful every day. “Doesn’t she?” he said. “I don’t know – I’m trying to figure it out. I so see it, man. She becomes more beautiful to me by the minute, and I don’t know what it is. She’s got the magic thing.”

It’s heartwarming to see such a loving Hollywood couple, but I have to wonder how this’ll work out in the long run. When he’s 50, Ashton will be a distinguished, witty, swoon-worthy George Clooney type, and Demi will be a 60-something woman. Will Ashton be able to turn away all the 22-year-olds throwing themselves at him? You know what? I hope so.

At a rowdy 18 year old’s birthday party, you might expect the restaurant or the ladies bathroom to get trashed, but not the birthday girl’s 15 year old sister.

The Moore – Kutcher – Willis clan got together this past Friday night to celebrate Scout Willis’ 18th birthday with a 20’s flapper-style bash at L.A. restaurant Cicada. Guests included Dita Von Teese, Marisa Tomei, and Rumer Willis, doing her best to let everyone know exactly what kind of underwear she was wearing.

But the real star of the night was the youngest Willis girl, Tallulah Belle, who spent the night smoking, drinking, and hitting on older men. She reportedly ended the night by stumbling out of the restaurant with a pack of cigarettes and a pack of her friends, who attempted to keep her upright on her walk of shame to a waiting vehicle. Step dad of the year, Ashton Kutcher, looked none to happy about it either.

Now, to be honest, the drink the paps have circled in the above picture looks like nothing more than ice water– which may be damning enough evidence in itself, since no one drinks ice water at a party unless they’ve already gone overboard with the alcohol. If you’re going strictly non-alcoholic, you’ll have either soda, or juice, or a Redbull in your glass.

She’s also shoeless– another likely sign of inebriation– and in the pictures of her leaving the restaurant, she is quite clearly carrying a pack of cigarettes.

Rumer Willis — would we know of this child if it were not for her parentage? — is all set to assume a role on the new 90210 this fall.

She’ll be playing an outspoken lesbian student named Gia — of course her name will be Gia — who works at the school newspaper.  So,basically she’s Andrea — and you better say it like “Aundrea” — without the steady boyfriend.

I’ll tell you exactly how this storyline is going to unfold, so that you can spare yourself the next couple of seasons of this craptastic show.  Rumer’s character will be new to West Beverly.  She’ll arrive with a chip on her shoulder and a crack in her stone-cold heart.  She’ll be all about making the “West Beverly Blaze” the best high school publication possible and won’t have time for making friends and doing coke with all her Bev Hill friends.  All the popular kids will eventually rally around her during an intervention-like meet up at The Peach Pit — though on this new version, they all hang out at, like, nightclubs — and take her into their circle.  She’ll graduate high school and become the new editor of the “Beverly Beat.”

The end.

Poor Lady Gaga’s chest exploded whilst performing at the 20th Annual MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Also there was Audrina Patridge in a cheap and ill-fitting dress, my fiance Bradley Cooper and the pure Jonas Brothers.  Oh, and I’m totally willing to support Kelly Clarkson in this whole body-acceptance thing she’s got going on, but there must be compromise.  No.  More.  Scarf.  Tops.

Rumer Willis appeared with her chin and Tila Tequila was positively stumped over the one-button operation of the Flip Mino HD camera.

Finally, in an admirable effort of frugality, Kim Kardashian fashioned her dress out of one of the extra costumes used by Fergie’s backup dancers.

I cannot believe I’m saying this, but I’m kind of intrigued by the trailer for the new Rumer Willis/Audrina Patridge horror flick, Sorority Row. Not that Audrina’s even a half-decent actress, but it appears that she’s wearing lingerie, playing dead or covered in a hood for most of the movie, so it’s kind of an ideal role for her. I dunno. I’m not usually a horror fan, but this appeals to me. Kind of like Scream did.

Could this be a hit for Audrina and Rumer?

I’m in that kind of a mood and I’m feeling more than my usual disturbed.

Am I off base, or does Dakota Fanning look way too adult for fourteen?  When I look at these pictures of her at the Push premeire in LA, she looks like a woman.  She’s even doing that Annie Leibowitz/Miley Cyrus over the shoulder glance thingy.  Her face looks young and thankfully she hasn’t had her teeth capped or whitened; it just seems like so much skin for a ninth grader.  As the senior citizen here at The Beet, I’m willing to accept that I’m probably just a prude.

Also there was Kimora Lee Simmons.  She’s knocked up by Djimon Hounsou who has been in Spielberg movies and shit, but will always be the hot guy from the Janet Jackson “Love Will Never Do(Without You)” video. Fugged up Rumer Willis appeared with red hair and Camilla Belle has solidified her position as my new girl crush.  If I was Joe Jonas, I totally would have picked her over Taylor Swift, too.  Okay, I gotta duck out of here before I get the “beet down” for bashing Tay.

Oh, Rumer. As such, I’m going to take some time out of my busy schedule of hating you to relax and actually commend you on the fact that it only took you one semester to realize the USC blows goats. Some people spend a whole lifetime failing to realize that. It’s tragic, really.

BRUINS FOR LIFE, BEYOTCH!!!!

So here’s Rumer, who finally scored a leading film role in the upcoming Slightly Single in L.A., talking about why college just didn’t seem like a very good use of her time when she could be rich and famous and doing stupid interviews about stupid movies while bashing her former school.

… when we told you to ditch the bright red lipstick.

Sigh.

At least you’re bringing attention to an important cause.

Here’s Christina and her hubby at a Rock the Vote event in the Hollywood Hills.

Rumer Willis was there, too, giving the Obama campaign the touch of class it so sorely needed by sporting an “Obama for yo mama” tee.

Holy shit!

So one of you awesome readers actually took the time to Photoshop some sense into Rumer Willis’s face.

Once you get rid of that awful, awful, awful chin, tweak the nose just a tiny bit and flesh out the lips, you actually have a VERY BEAUTIFUL young woman!

Get thee to plastic surgery, Rumer!

The before pics are in the thumbnails below.

Thanks Skye!

Audrina Patridge’s new costar shows off a new ‘do at the Teen Vogue Young Hollywood party last night.

What do we think?

Does it make her look better? Worse? About the same?