Rosie O’Donnell is returning to work.  A couple of years after her departure from The View, Rosie will have her own show on Sirius satellite radio this fall.

The show which will air from 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Monday through Friday is, by O’Donnell’s definition, “…an exciting new adventure—two hours of talk show entertainment, without having to wear makeup. Perfection”  And perfection for us too — I love me some Rosie, but I suspect if we all had to look at that tan for ten hours a week, ratings would plummet.

She will take calls from listeners and celebs, talk about all things pop culture and entertainment for 120 minutes, and be paid obscene amounts of money for doing so.  In other words, the dream job.

I love me some Rosie O’Donnell.  I was one of the seventy-three people that watched her variety show the night before Thanksgiving when I could have been making pumpkin pies instead, and didn’t totally hate it.  Well, I hated it but was willing to forgive and move on.  Until today.

Has Rosie finally made the transition from daytime talk-show host to full-time Oompah Loompah?  Was she confronted in a dark alley by a spray gun wielding Lindsay Lohan?  Is she trying to make a statement of support for our first African American president?  So.  Many.  Questions.  Last night she attended the 2009 Dramatists Guild Fund Annual Benefit Gala, also known as the 2009 Another Useless Excuse For Rich People To Gather Gala, and really lit up the room.  Well, her chiclets did, at least.

I realize white will always look starker against Coppertone SPF 0 skin dark colors.  But here’s the real question:  What is whiter?  Angela Lansbury or Rosie’s very own teeth?

The American audience just ain’t what it used to be!

We now spend Thanksgiving eve at the bars, not in front of the TV with our families. And if we ARE watching TV? We wanna see gunfire and explosions and sex and gore, not singing and dancing.

Rosie’s variety show, which aired Wednesday night on NBC, only brought in 5M viewers, a very tragic number for a major special on a major network.

I bet when MTV airs its Britney documentary on Sunday night it’ll match or beat those numbers, despite being on a cable network.

America loves its DRAMA!

Rosie O’Donnell poses with her partner (wife?) Kelli Carpenter and Fran Drescher at Rosie’s Gala in NYC on Monday night.

I don’t have much to say about this, except for that Fran Drescher always looks fantastic. She has really aged well.

Also: I am firmly opposed to any sort of ban on gay marriage, as you all know by now. A ban on pantsuits on the red carpet, though? I’d vote for that shit.

Here’s Rosie’s response to this.

Middle school: the richer you get, the longer it lasts.

Rosie O’Donnell will be returning to television, but kept far, far away from Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

She’s going to do a live variety show on NBC.

And not only will the show be live, but Rosie will be giving out prizes to the show’s at-home audience … live. Producers are hoping this combination will be a successful way to battle the DVRs of the world, and that people will be more inclined to tune in when it actually airs. Frankly, I sincerely doubt this approach will make so much as a dent. But maybe I’m overestimating my fellow Americans. I usually do.

They’re also hoping it’ll help them battle cable television, which is taking up an increasingly large chunk of television viewership.

“This will reinvent the idea of what a variety show is for 2008,” NBC vice president alternative Craig Plestis said. “There’s very few performers willing to put themselves out there live. It makes it more TiVo-proof, and it’s something none of the cable networks can do.”

Fox is planning to launch their own variety show, starring Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, set to air in winter or spring. NBC’s hoping for a first-mover advantage; they’ll be starting Rosie’s run in late November.

Both shows sound like total snoozefests to me, but, then again, I’m totally not their target demo.

It’s rare that we see Rosie O’Donnell wearing makeup for an off-camera appearance, but she got herself all done up for Comedy Central’s autism fundraiser on Sunday night in NYC.

She’s still not a hottie or anything, but it’s a huge improvement.