I may be a bit ahead of myself.  According to Rosie O’Donnell, things aren’t “over” exactly, but wife Kelli Carpenter O’Donnell and Rosie are having some problems that they’re trying to work out.

Confession time:  I read Rosie’s blog just about every day.  She answers fan questions and for months now, there hasn’t been a whole lot of mention of Kelli.  And in the instances where someone has outright asked her about the status of her marriage, she has been veeeeeerrrrrryyyyyy vague.  Back in the spring, columnist Cindy Adams insisted that the couple had split — a rumor denied by O’Donnell.

Though Ro wouldn’t confirm or deny an actual change of address of either party, she insisted that they would always be a family, raising kids together.

“We’re a family, we remain a family and we’re working on the issues,” O’Donnell reiterated, noting that there are four children whose well-being comes before anything.  The couple married in San Francisco in 2004 and have three adopted children — Parker, 14, Chelsea, 12 and Blake, 9, as well as Vivienne (”Vivi”), 6, whom Carpenter carried.

“They’re adorable and wonderful and they are by far a priority,” O’Donnell said. “Kelli and I love each other very much and we are working on our issues. Those are the only words I am ever going to say. Ever. And that is something that has been agreed upon by all parties,” she said, tears collecting in her eyes. “But everything’s fine and everybody’s good and we’re still both raising them together. We will both continue to parent them and we’re friendly and everything’s all right.”

Oh, I am just so bummed out by this news.  You know what bummed me out even more?  When I went to the wire in search of a picture of these two, there was such a common and noticeable element in the entire history of photos of this couple.  I just think Rosie is so loving and has such a big heart and it kind of hurt my heart to see such a consistently non-reciprocal, arms by side, stance from her wife.

Good luck to Rosie and Kelli.  I hope they can work it out if that’s the goal.

Rosie O’Donnell is returning to work.  A couple of years after her departure from The View, Rosie will have her own show on Sirius satellite radio this fall.

The show which will air from 10 a.m.-12 p.m. Monday through Friday is, by O’Donnell’s definition, “…an exciting new adventure—two hours of talk show entertainment, without having to wear makeup. Perfection”  And perfection for us too — I love me some Rosie, but I suspect if we all had to look at that tan for ten hours a week, ratings would plummet.

She will take calls from listeners and celebs, talk about all things pop culture and entertainment for 120 minutes, and be paid obscene amounts of money for doing so.  In other words, the dream job.

I love me some Rosie O’Donnell.  I was one of the seventy-three people that watched her variety show the night before Thanksgiving when I could have been making pumpkin pies instead, and didn’t totally hate it.  Well, I hated it but was willing to forgive and move on.  Until today.

Has Rosie finally made the transition from daytime talk-show host to full-time Oompah Loompah?  Was she confronted in a dark alley by a spray gun wielding Lindsay Lohan?  Is she trying to make a statement of support for our first African American president?  So.  Many.  Questions.  Last night she attended the 2009 Dramatists Guild Fund Annual Benefit Gala, also known as the 2009 Another Useless Excuse For Rich People To Gather Gala, and really lit up the room.  Well, her chiclets did, at least.

I realize white will always look starker against Coppertone SPF 0 skin dark colors.  But here’s the real question:  What is whiter?  Angela Lansbury or Rosie’s very own teeth?

The American audience just ain’t what it used to be!

We now spend Thanksgiving eve at the bars, not in front of the TV with our families. And if we ARE watching TV? We wanna see gunfire and explosions and sex and gore, not singing and dancing.

Rosie’s variety show, which aired Wednesday night on NBC, only brought in 5M viewers, a very tragic number for a major special on a major network.

I bet when MTV airs its Britney documentary on Sunday night it’ll match or beat those numbers, despite being on a cable network.

America loves its DRAMA!

Rosie O’Donnell poses with her partner (wife?) Kelli Carpenter and Fran Drescher at Rosie’s Gala in NYC on Monday night.

I don’t have much to say about this, except for that Fran Drescher always looks fantastic. She has really aged well.

Also: I am firmly opposed to any sort of ban on gay marriage, as you all know by now. A ban on pantsuits on the red carpet, though? I’d vote for that shit.

Here’s Rosie’s response to this.

Middle school: the richer you get, the longer it lasts.

Rosie O’Donnell will be returning to television, but kept far, far away from Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

She’s going to do a live variety show on NBC.

And not only will the show be live, but Rosie will be giving out prizes to the show’s at-home audience … live. Producers are hoping this combination will be a successful way to battle the DVRs of the world, and that people will be more inclined to tune in when it actually airs. Frankly, I sincerely doubt this approach will make so much as a dent. But maybe I’m overestimating my fellow Americans. I usually do.

They’re also hoping it’ll help them battle cable television, which is taking up an increasingly large chunk of television viewership.

“This will reinvent the idea of what a variety show is for 2008,” NBC vice president alternative Craig Plestis said. “There’s very few performers willing to put themselves out there live. It makes it more TiVo-proof, and it’s something none of the cable networks can do.”

Fox is planning to launch their own variety show, starring Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, set to air in winter or spring. NBC’s hoping for a first-mover advantage; they’ll be starting Rosie’s run in late November.

Both shows sound like total snoozefests to me, but, then again, I’m totally not their target demo.