[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGZaCnfNgLE]

Oh sweet Jesus. This is seriously a full two minutes of Donald Trump going balls-to-the-wall bitchy on Rosie O’Donnell. Apparently he plans to sue her. The first sentence uttered in this interview is “Well, Rosie O’Donnell’s disgusting.” And it just gets better from there. A must-see.

That’s a weird math equation. Clay wouldn’t do either Ripa or Rosie, Rosie would probably put the hammer down on Ripa, but I’m guessing Ripa would pass on Mr. “McUseMyHandsBecauseICan’tThink” (that may be the longest McFakeLastName joke ever, EvilB let’s put an intern on researching that).

Anyway, the news from The View is that everything is fine and could we please move on to talking about Babwa Wa-Wa’s wisp again?

Walters said:

“This is what I want to say. Rosie O’Donnell is one of the kindest, most sensitive people I know. And so is our friend Kelly Ripa. And Rosie and Kelly talked yesterday after the show. Rosie and Clay Aiken have talked. And all is well with the world, and all is well with them. So let’s move on.”

Hmm. Rosie may indeed be kind, in fact I fondly I remember that one day she brought me lunch without my even asking, but I’d take a bit of umbrage at that “sensitive” label. Unless sensitive means butting your nose into other people’s affairs and then totally screwing someone over whom you’re professing to defend. Then, by all means, she’s as sensitive as all get-out.

Check out the footage. Says Rosie: “If that was a straight man, if that was a cute man, if that was a guy that she didn’t question his sexuality, she would have said a different thing. To me that’s a homophobic remark.” (This is based on Ripa telling Aiken that she didn’t know where his hands had been — after he suddenly put his hand on her mouth). See, I agree with Rosie about the cute man part — Brad Pitt can put his hands inside my mouth, or really wherever he wants, no need to ask permission — but anyone else — gay, straight or Clay Aiken — is going to take some heat from me if they stick their hand on my mouth. Ripa phones in to say just that.

Many are saying that Rosie — intentionally or unintentionally — “lanced” Clay Aiken (meaning she outed him — the term comes from Lance Bass being outed by comments his boyfriend made). I mean, I think we’re all aware that Aiken’s gay, but he seems dead set on staying in the closet, and if anyone crossed the line o’ respect in all this, I think it was Rosie.

Apparently Madonna isn’t adopting an African child so much as she’s kinda stealing one. Rule-bending in exchange for cash? In Malawi? [I'm Bringing Blogging Back]

Lindsay Lohan and Keira Knightley are going to hook up. On camera. I’m serious this time. [Pop on the Pop]

And the first interview with Michael Jackson since he left the U.S. in June 2005 goes to…Billy Bush? [Access Hollywood]

After her riveting turn making a whore of Christian Troy (like that’s hard) on Nip/Tuck, Rosie O’Donnell may get her own spin-off. [NY Post]

Today in cost-cutting: Moviefone conducts its Ashton Kutcher interview via IM. [Moviefone]

PR folks everywhere continue to realize that banning Paris Hilton from your event is a surefire way to score some publicity. I’m still totally okay with that, Esquire Show House in Los Angeles. [Hollyscoop]

ScoJo signs a deal to record her first album. The working title is Scarlett Sings Tom Waits, but they’re thinking of changing it to Hipster Masturbation 3000. [Junkiness]

Josh Duhamel and Ashton Kutcher go all Zoolander in this 1997 footage of the two at the Male Model of the Year competition (yeah, it really happens). Duhamel wins, and interviews that “the guy — I forget his name — from Iowa, he was exceptional.” The guy he’s talking about is, of course, Ashton Kutcher (who introduces himself as “Chris Kutcher”).

Not one but two models ate shit on the runway at Paris Fashion Week. Luckily, CBS News consolidated the videos of the two into a single clip for you to laugh at. Not fierce, girls, not fierce at all.

Below is a clip of Rosie O’Donnell and Dr. Christian Troy having sex on Nip/Tuck. View at your own risk.

• Katie Holmes may play the role of Victoria Beckham in an upcoming biopic about Posh’s hubby, U.K. soccer star David Beckham.
• A publicity-starved Steve-O urinates on the red carpet at the premiere of Jackass 2. Fair warning: if you click that link, you are going to see his penis.
• Steve-O’s penis is lovely treat, but I know what you all really crave is a peek at Rosie O’Donnell’s tits. Well, then, you should watch Nip/Tuck on October 3. Or, you know, avoid Nip/Tuck at all costs for the entire month of October, just in case.
• Britney’s “manny” leaves her for Jude Law. Maybe he’s planning to reunite with Sienna Miller for the fifty-eighth time. She was not such a big fan of the old nanny.
• Keith Richards showed up to film his part as Johnny Depp’s father in the third installment of the other national mint, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Rolling Stones rocker was almost too drunk to get through the scene. Where is Courtney Love when you need her?
• If you own an energy drink called Rehab, and you would like people to take pictures of your product and write about it on the Internet, you do whatever it takes to get that can into the sweaty, shaky hands of Lindsay Lohan. But how to do that? It just seems to good to be true. It took me awhile to find much information on the product, since any google search for “lohan rehab” or “rehab beverages” provides a million hits I can’t use, but I finally tracked down their website. They’re a Las Vegas company, and it looks like they’re partnered with Pink Taco, a chain of Mexican restaurants owned by Harry Morton, Lohan’s boyfriend. Mystery solved.

• For the eight of you who are still watching the actual SNL rather than the newer, hipper, Sorkin’d-out Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, you’ll be sorry (or perhaps not) to hear that the annual bloodletting at the Lorne Michaels antiquity means the show will say goodbye to Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell.
• In honor of what would have been Jerry Orbach’s 71st birthday, TNT will spend October paying tribute to the late actor by airing every Law & Order episode graced by his unique brand of utter awesomeness.
• American Idol’s Clay Aiken talks to Good Morning America about how he reluctantly decided to begin taking anti-depressants, because that discomfort and fear he feels in his own skin is, obviously, the result of a chemical imbalance, and not at all related to a huge part of his identity he plans to hide from everyone at any price.
• After an ear-whisperin’ evening at Chateau Marmont and Les Deux, Kate and Owen must be official now. Us Weekly is asking you to name them, so you know it’s for real.
• Whatever The View is paying Rosie O’Donnell, she should demand they double it. Today, Rosie keeps the whinefest on our radar by honing her gaydar on Oprah & Gayle King.
• Don’t feel too bad about your crazy-ass, shoe-assaultin’, cartoon-drawin’ pops, Lindsay Lohan — Jessica and Ashlee’s dad is a total headcase, too.