Ricky Martin appeared at Armani’s 5th Avenue store opening in New York City wearing a purple satin scarf.  Is that an ascot?  I never know.  Either way, the last wisp of imagined heterosexuality has officially been erradicated.

Also there, Victoria Beckham looking as muscular as ever, Solange Knowles wearing a bunch of shit that doesn’t match, and John Mayer.

Do you guys ever have those days at work where you’re like, “Whatever happens today, I can’t possibly do anything productive?” I’m having one of those days. I keep trying to, like, do my job, and something shiny always distracts me. Like, one of the DVD editors for Film.com just got the Blu-Ray version of The Man Who Fell to Earth, which is like this indie sci-fi flick from the ’70s where David Bowie stars as an alien living in America with a British accent and everyone just generally appears to be high the whole time. I mean, just watching it makes you think you might be a little high. There’s also a scene where David Bowie has alien sex. Honestly. Like, he doesn’t have a penis, he just has a nub, and then they goo all over each other and that’s how aliens have sex. I dunno. But, like, half the Film.com team just spent a portion of the afternoon watching David Bowie have goo-sex on Blu-Ray (which, incidentally, had phenomenal quality for a movie made in the ’70s).

Anyway, here’s a bunch of new pics of Ricky Martin and the twins he had through a surrogate, Matteo and Valentino, who are four months old here. The pics will be running in a variety of publications this week.

Ricky does an extensive interview with Hola magazine for their spread, and at no point are they like, “So, you’re totally gay, right?” which he totally is. I really wish that he’d come out. He’s a fantastic example of a gay man raising a beautiful family through non-traditional means and I wish he’d be willing to talk about it and be a positive gay role model. I think it would do a lot of good. I mean, frankly, it’s not like he has this fantastic career to protect at this point. Just come out and talk about it, Ricky!

“We aren’t jumping like we usually do. We don’t think he is going to tell the backstory, so the whole thing just seems kind of icky … When someone seems like they are hiding something, it’s a big turnoff to the public, who want to share in celebrities’ lives. No one really cared about Clay Aiken becoming a single dad, either.”

Tabloid mag editors dish on why nobody wants to run a big story on Ricky Martin’s mysteriously sourced new twin boys.

Uhhhh … okay.

Um, out of nowhere, we learn that Ricky Martin is the father of twin boys, to whom a surrogate gave birth. Nobody is talking about who this surrogate is, or who the mother is, or really what the fuck is going on here. You know Ricky called some overseas sex trade agency asking them to send over two young boys, and when they finally arrived, he was all like, “Shit, dude, I didn’t mean that young. How the fuck am I going to explain this?”

Says Ricky’s rep: “The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”

Oh, okay, never mind. Ricky was actually just looking for a reasonable explanation for why he’s out of the spotlight. Um, Rickster? You’re about seven years late with that, buddy.

Good luck to Ricky — and to those boys!

GASP!

His buddy, skin care specialist Ole Henriksen, totally outed Ricky in a recent interview with Swedish magazine Salonk.

He’s quoted as saying, “He (Martin) is a bit more open about it (his homosexuality) these days than he used to be… I don’t know if he has a boyfriend.”

Yeah, right.

Ricky’s gonna have to be a LOT more open about it now!