“Of course, I know that little heifer!”

Debbie Allen, speaking to Us Magazine, acknowledging that she knows Raven-Symone.  Raven-Symone, the heifer.

At the Trumpet Awards in Atlanta.

Earlier today, I said some very mean things about how you need to focus on losing weight right now. That was a short-sighted thing for me to say. I didn’t have all the facts. Now that I have read your most recent MySpace blog, it is clear that your weight is not the most pressing issue you face today. The most pressing issue you face today is your inability to write in English.

Ahem.

I WAS BORN WITH MESSED UP EYE BROWS, LOOK AT THE COSBY SHOW THEY GROW UPSIDE DOWN AND ON THE WRONG EYE. THAT IS MY PARENTS DOING AND MY BROTHER HAS THE SAME ONES. IM SORRY IF I WANT TO GO OUT ONE DAY AND NOT FILL THEM IN. IM SURE OTHER PEOPLE DONT GO OUT ALL THE TIME WITH THEIR FACE BEAT (MAKE-UP TERM, FLAWLESS MAKE UP). MY BODY SIZE; OOOHHH MY GOD!!!! HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN… IV BEEN ON TV FOR 21 YEARS, AND IV ALWAYS BEEN THICK…..OK!!!!
NOW IF ANYONE KNOWS MY FAMILY, ALL OF THE WOMEN EXCEPT FOR A FEW, STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING WHAT IS A SOCIALLY EXCEPT-ABLE WEIGHT. WHEN I STRESS I GAIN, WHEN IM HAPPY WHO KNOWS… I HAD A LOT OF PERSON THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AT THE END OF THE SHOW, DEALING WITH FAMILY, AND MY EX-BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME AND I HAD TO BREAK UP WITH HIM (LISTEN TO LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME, AND SECRETS) AND LIKE ANY FEMALE WITH A PROBLEM, DELT WITH IT A CERTAIN WAY! ID LOVE IF THE INDUSTRY COULD ONE DAY UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OBESITY AND FAT AND THICK AND THIN AND SICK. I AM A THICK GIRL, I HAVE NEVER BEEN OVER A SIZE 12, I CAN RUN, AND I TRY MY BEST TO EAT RIGHT ALL THE TIME. I AM NOT THE TEXT BOOK WEIGHT THAT THEY SAY I SHOULD BE, BUT EVERYDAY I HAVE MY OWN PERSONAL STRUGGLES, AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT.

Except-able, Raven?

Are you fucking serious?

AND WHAT’S WITH THE ALL CAPS? IT’S HARDER FOR ME TO BE NICE TO YOU WHEN YOU ARE CONSTANTLY YELLING AT ME.

I’ll tell you what: I’ll take the time out of my day to try to understand your point of view if you’ll put the cheeseburger down for long enough to use a spell-check.

… but Raven-Symone needs to lose some fucking weight.

I’m sorry.

She’s 22 years old now. She has fully surrendered any immunity she had by being a child. Homegirl is huge and I will point it out if I want to. She was never a tiny adult, and that’s fine, but she’s ballooned recently, and is now treading dangerously close to the territory of obesity. Obesity is not healthy.

Raven, you are a grown woman and a role model for countless young children who are already at a high risk for obesity. Pull your shit together and get to a healthy weight.

And I know you guys are going to jump on me in the comments, but look at it this way: Everyone is so quick to criticize Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and Paris Hilton when they go out and snort lines and do shots and drive drunk and otherwise engage in reckless, self-indulgent behavior that is widely recognized by medical science to be dangerous. “What a terrible role model,” we all say. “How awful!”

While I don’t expect everyone in Hollywood to be at Karen Carpenter BMIs, Raven’s weight is also the result of reckless, self-indulgent behavior that is widely recognized by medical science to be dangerous. The whole country insists Lindsay Lohan drag her ass to AA meetings. Why don’t we also clamor for the Ravens of the world to put in a half-hearted appearance at OA? Why is it that overuse of alcohol and drugs is fodder for such social scorn while pointing out the overuse of food is practically treated as hate speech these days?

I’m just saying.

At the premiere of Tinker Bell in LA.