Prince unexpectedly showed up last night at the Apollo Theater’s 75th Anniversary gala sporting a snazzy yellow suit and a diamond studded cane.  Wait — no platforms? 

We may not be seeing The Purple One in stacked shoes for a while, because he needs to have both hips replaced.  Prince is a Jehovah’s Witness, and one of the things that his religion prohibits is blood transfusions.  He’s been reportedly popping profuse amounts of pain pills and using a cane to manage his discomfort.  I wonder if they make purple wheelchairs because that’s what he’ll be headed for if he doesn’t get this surgery.

I did some research on the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses because it’s not a topic I know much about.  You can be shunned or “disfellowshipped” if you received a blood transfusion, even in an emergency situation.  Apparently popping profuse amounts of pain pills is allowed, though.  You know what else can get you the boot?  Buying Girl Scout cookies.  I don’t know why they are banned but I feel that scarfing down a box of Thin Mints would totally be worth the ostracization.

“Hey Valentina, tell your mama she should give me a call

When she get tired of runnin’ after you down the hall

And she’s all worn out from those late-night feedings

and she’s ready for another rock and roll meeting.”

The subtle lyrics to Prince’s new song, “Valentina.”  Incidentally, Prince has obviously had a thing for Salma Hayek for quite awhile.  In his 2001 song “Liquid Dreams,” he sang, “Angelina Jolie’s lips to kiss in the dark, underneath Cindy C’s beauty mark.  When it comes to the test, well Tyra’s the best, and Salma Hayek brings the rest.”

Prince, the artist formerly known as a symbol, performed last night at a launch party for his book 21 Nights.  I thought Prince was all reclusive and ruminating and “I shun this curse of fame” but apparently he felt it was time to share his life story with the world.

Someone once told me I look like Prince.  I remember being absolutely crushed.  Because, let’s face it, Prince=not attractive and a dude.  OK this happened in the seventh grade… but I still carry the pain.  Thank you for letting me share.

Other pictures include Dennis Rodman and Tom Green theater interpretation of the bailout, wedded reality hits Howard Stern and Dave Chapelle answers the question “How many job offers have you received since walking out on Comedy Central in 2005?”

I’ve often said to myself, how can I smell more like a reclusive bible wielding musical genius?

Finally my prayers have been answered. It’s the Prince perfume y’all!

The fragrance will be named 3121, after an album he put out last year (which is so 2006).

The official website is here, but I wouldn’t go to it if you’re high or there goes your day.

The perfume goes on sale 7-7-07 and the line starts here.

At this point I would like to link to a Prince skit that SNL runs quite often called “The Prince Show” but NBC hates free publicity and they sure as hell don’t want you knowing anything about one of their shows so they’ve yanked all video from free sites. Thanks guys!