Evil Beet Gossip » Preggers

Baby-Maker!

Soleil — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 17:10:55 +0000

Marley Shelton and her producer husband Beau Flynn (such a debonair name!) are expecting their first child. The baby is due this fall and the gender is still unknown. Yaaaaaaaaay Babies!

Congrats to the happy couple!

Sixteen and Pregnant: The Keisha Castle-Hughes Story

Evil Beet — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 18:53:00 +0000

Remember that chick from Whale Rider? She was 13 when she became the youngest-ever nominee for Best Actress for her role in the 2002 film. She hasn’t done much since — a Star Wars film here and there, sleepover parties, after-school sports, get knocked up by her 19-year-old boyfriend. You know, the usual kid stuff.

Picking up the Pieces: Yes! Of COURSE We Have Jessica Alba’s Ass on Film Today!

Evil Beet — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 00:35:00 +0000

Barbara Walters, E.E. Cummings find Rosie O’Donnell’s blog pretentious, totally unnecessary.
People reports that “Party of Five’s Jeremy London” got married this weekend. The last time Jeremy London filmed an episode of Party of Five, it was 1997, and you still had a crush on Scott Wolf.
“Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin died this weekend when he was stung by a stingray while filming in Australia. It must be sweeps week.
Donald Trump: still a raging, misogynistic asshole.
David Beckham confirms that his wife, Posh Spice, is pregnant again. Hey remember that one time she got trashed at that club in London and there were all those hilarious pictures of it on the Internet? Yeah, that was like 2 weeks ago.
Nicole Richie’s body has nearly exhausted its “internal organs” supply of sustenance.
Yeah, I know, you think it’s pretty heartless of me to be making jokes at the expense of Steve Irwin’s recent death and Nicole Richie’s imminent one. And you’re probably right. But you know what? There are more pics of Jessica Alba’s ass. You can’t stay mad at me forever.

Matt Leinart to Reproduce

Evil Beet — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 05:38:00 +0000

People reports that Arizona Cardinals quarterback and all-around hottie Matt Leinart has knocked up some chick he banged. Her name is Brynn Cameron. She’s a 20-year-old junior at USC and the most attractive female college basketball player in the history of the world. According to People, she will “sit out the upcoming basketball season,” which gives me the much-needed confidence that this girl has the sort of informed decision-making skills crucial to motherhood.

As many of you may know, Leinart has been linked romantically to songstress Paris Hilton. So I suppose the good news here is that Leinart saved his irresponsible sperm donation for some chick we don’t care about, and we will not have to deal with the media frenzy that would surely surround a Paris Hilton pregnancy, culminating in the national discussion on whether or not it is appropriate for her to take a child to Hyde in an oversized Fendi bag.

(I hope you people didn’t think I was being serious about the “songstress” part.)

I wish them the best; I’m sure the whole Leinart family will find as much joy in the Arizona Cardinal’s Pink Taco Stadium as Matt once found in Paris’s.

JLo Preggers; Jesse McCartney Needs Additional Media Training

Evil Beet — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 16:27:00 +0000

Let’s start from the beginning: hottie Jesse McCartney is dating Katie Cassidy. Who is Katie Cassidy? For starters, she’s David Cassidy’s daughter, although I remember watching an MTV special about her fledgling singing career several years ago, and she had basically no relationship with her father other than him calling bi-monthly to urge her not to pursue a singing career. When the singing career eventually failed to pursue her, she must have gone into acting, as I hear she beat out the likes of Kristin Cavalleri and Jessica Simpson for the role of Lucy Ewing in the upcoming film adaptation of Dallas alongside John Travolta.

Jennifer Lopez was originally cast as Sue Ellen in the film, but she dropped out suddenly several weeks ago. The rumors I heard explaining this were mostly a variation on “[ Jennifer Lopez / John Travolta ] didn’t want to work with [ Jennifer Lopez / John Travolta ] because [ she / he ] is too [ divaesque / washed up and pathetic ]” with the occasional “Dude the script just sucked” tossed in for good measure.

Enter Jesse McCartney. In an otherwise mundane interview with Atlanta’s Star 94, McCartney was asked if girlfriend Cassidy could give them the scoop on why Jennifer Lopez was fired from the project.

“She didn’t get fired,” McCartney responded. “She’s pregnant.”

Oops.

Britney: "You Assholes Thought I Got Knocked Up Again On Purpose?"

Evil Beet — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 19:46:00 +0000

I’d like to begin by issuing an apology to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. In a post last month, I was unnecessarily harsh to the couple, ranting and raving about how insane, fame-whorish, and bad-parenty it was for them to allow a wax likeness of their two-month-old child to be photographed for money.

Compared to Britney Spears, Pitt & Jolie are the Cleavers. (Is there actually anyone alive today who ever watched Leave it to Beaver? Why do we still say things like that? I have no idea who the Cleavers are and you don’t either.)

Ms. Spears said an assortment of very retarded and childhood-ruining things while in the presence of People magazine’s writing staff, and I’d like to summarize the highlights. While Brad and Angelina waited until their baby had a good solid two months of footing in this world before demonstrating publicly that she’s nothing more than a long-term PR stunt, Britney formally announces she didn’t really want her baby while it’s still in utero. “It just kind of happened,” said Britney, by which she means “I meant to to take my birth control, ya’ll, but I was too damn stoned, you know? Oh-muh-gahd. Fee?”

It’s also nice to see that Britney’s in touch with the real reason she wanted to get knocked up in the first place: “It makes me feel needed and wanted,” she says, “so I like it.”

It’s so clear now: when international superstardom, worldwide adoration, mountains of cold hard cash and a steady diet of bong hits and McDonalds just won’t heal that empty ache within, you know you’re ready to be a mom.