Dear Posh Spice,

Welcome to Los Angeles. We are so excited to have you here! Also, congratulations of purchasing your new home in Bel Air, the one you bought (allegedly) from Meg Ryan for 20 million dollars. I bet for that much you get a full kitchen with a built in dishwasher (just think, no more dish-hands, Posh!)

But one part of this whole thing is troubling to us: WHERE WILL MEG RYAN LIVE NOW????!!! Is she just supposed to live in her car. Her car doesn’t even have a roof anymore after Puente ripped it off when he was on meth. Maybe she can stay with friends for a few months, but that gets old after a while. And Billy Crystal’s couch is not very comfortable AT ALL. Everyone knows that.

Look, all I’m saying is think about the people you’re displacing when you move into an area like Bel Air and start to gentrify it, okay. Meg Ryan has feelings too.

The Gilded Moose

When the Brits move in its all over…Where will fallen A-listers go now? Burbank? Glendale?

Gold is the new rehab. [INO]

Solange Knowles tells her husband … eh … Lisa beat me to it. [A Socialite's Life]

Fantastic. As soon as we find a fashion designer who’s not gay, he turns out to be a rapist. [Warship]

Um, who is Julie Bowen and why is she talking about her body hair? [Celebslam]

I hate to admit it, but Donald Trump’s little boy Barron is probably the cutest child on the planet. [Monica Monroe]

Get this: Janice Dickinson is probably a lot older than the appearance of her face would imply. [Yeeeah!]

Eh. Jessica Simpson is not adopting a child anytime soon, I assure you. But since everyone is reporting this, here’s a link. [Mollygood]

Jennifer Hudson uses her MySpace blog to try to convince us that not everything you read in the gossip columns is true. Yeah, right. Like I’m supposed to believe that from a girl who tried to bail last-minute on the Soul Train awards! [SOW]

The Beckhams settle on an L.A. home: Meg Ryan’s. [Rumorficial]

Cameron Diaz will have to battle Lindsay Lohan if she wants to get to Jude Law. [BYLTH]

Ryan Seacrest: His Straightest Moments. [Gawker]

Reese Witherspoon jogs the blues away. [Drunken Stepfather]

Is Katherine Heigl quitting Grey’s? [Warship]

Michelle Pfeiffer stopped aging somewhere around 1974. [popbytes]

Tyra Banks gets kicked off a city bus. [DListed]

Prepare yourself for way more PoshKat pics. The funniest ones are when they pretend like they eat. [A Socialite's Life]

Yay! Trista and Ryan from The Bachelorette are expecting a baby! [Gone Hollywood]

Donald Trump may pull a Britney. [Cele|bitchy]

The Beckham’s actual reality was too dull, so they’ve created scripted characters for their “reality” show. You know, just like every other reality show ever. [POTP]

Kurt Cobain would have been forty this Tuesday. [Bree]

Reese Witherspoon and George Clooney? I’m sure this is not true, but I’ll dutifully pass along the rumor. [Holy Candy]

Paris Hilton’s birthday party in Vegas had not a single A-lister. She partied with midgets and monkeys. She’s probably going to check herself into rehab tomorrow just so someone will pay attention to her. [The Blemish]

Mischa Barton’s kid sister checks into rehab. [A Socialite's Life]

Nicole Richie pleads not guilty to DUI, writes heartfelt thank-you letter to Britney Spears. [Hollywood Grind]

Well, the sooner Denise Richards marries Richie Sambora, the sooner she can leave him for her best friend’s husband. No, I’m kidding, that would never happen. Denise Richards doesn’t have friends. [A Socialite's Life]

It’s about time we started rumors that Jessica Alba’s engaged. [The Blemish]

Britney Spears takes Sean Preston to the park, pretends to interact with him. I’m not sure if she’s more neglectful toward her child or her hair extensions. It’s a tough call lately. [Celebrity Smack]

Lauren Graham (aka Lorelei Gilmore) is reportedly a diva on the set. [Celeb Warship]

Is it possible all Saturday Night Live really needed was YouTube? Following the smash Internet success of “Dick in a Box,” the ailing SNL is back in the blogosphere with Jack Gyllenhaal’s brilliant rendition of Dreamgirls‘ “You’re Gonna Love Me.” [popbytes]

Lindsay Lohan looks stunning in her new Miu Miu ads. Also: she doesn’t look anything at all like Lindsay Lohan. [Dirty Laundry]

Agent Provocateur releases the third film in their series, “Kate Moss in Underwear Saying Nonsensical Yet Remarkably Underwear-Selling Things.” [Agent Bedhead]

Ah, the changing of the celebrity gossip guard. Molly Goodson is movin’ on up to PopSugar, but be sure to swing by Mollygood to heckle the new guy. [Mollygood, PopSugar]

“David Beckham will have a greater impact on soccer in America than any athlete has ever had on a sport globally. David is truly the only individual that can build the bridge between soccer in America and the rest of the world.”

I’m guessing that they will be spending quite a lot of time with their new BFFs Katie and Tom. This move will provide a lot of tabloid fodder which I know that the blogosphere is quite happy about.

Welcome!

A golden scepter
Diamond encrusted cubic zirconium
Multiple Maseratis.

But you know what I wouldn’t have thought of? One of those hand written notes you used to give your mom that promised you’d clean the kitchen for a week.

Luckily David Beckham remembered. Per our pals at the SfGate Daily Dish; He’s giving Tom’s children soccer lessons as a wedding gift.

That’s right, Connor and Isabella are set to take lessons with good ol’ Becks when he’s not indisposed.

Whaa? This gift sucks ass for a myriad of reasons but here are just a few:

1) Katie gets nothing.
2) Katie’s little nugget Suri gets nothing.
3) Connor and Isabella don’t need soccer lessons because they won’t be soccer players. Plus they are eleven and thirteen. Plus they weren’t getting married (unless I truly don’t get how that religion works).
4) Posh Spice should fucking know better.
5) It’s not a GIFT! You can’t hold it!

It’s the kind of thing you offer after a few drinks, or maybe throw out there for giggles, but you get them a Goddamn real gift because they are damn near American royalty. You are worth millions; get them one big ass Crate & Barrel gift certificate. C’mon man.

Now, this is all just alleged and maybe he actually got them a platinum mini Ferrari for Suri to run over the Paparazzi with. Here’s hoping.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to prepare my “free backrub” coupons for momma.

Victoria Beckham has been offered the hosting gig on Simon Fuller’s new fashion-centric reality show. She may turn it down, since the show films in the U.S., and she knows that if she leaves hubby David’s side for more than a minute, some hottie’s going to steal him away. Like Paris Hilton. Or Tom Cruise. [Hollyscoop]

Rod Stewart thought Paris Hilton was a hot piece of ass. When she was fourteen. [Yeeah!]

Whitney officially kicks the Bobby habit. [People]

It’s not so much that Christina Aguilera’s hubby is smoking a joint, it’s that he’s wearing a bike helmet at the same time. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Catherine Zeta-Jones acts pissed that husband Michael Douglas said Eva Longoria has a great ass, as a part of their joint effort to convince the world he’s managed an erection at any point this decade. [ICYDK]

Matt Damon reaches out to African children without managing to adopt one. [PopSugar]

• Orlando Bloom decides he can’t see Kate Bosworth anymore. No, really, he can’t actually see her anymore.
• It’s official: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes found a baby to adopt! Katie Couric kicked off her CBS career with the pics. From the looks of the kid, some 15-year-old prostitute in Cambodia is a real big fan of Scientology these days.
• It’s not that Victoria Beckham is pregnant, it’s just that her husband doesn’t speak Spanish.
• When a lot of rich people have invested a lot of money in you, you don’t have to go to jail for petty things like using heroin and selling cocaine to teenagers in rehab. Isn’t that right, Pete Doherty?
• Jessica Simpson denies she’s dating John Mayer on the View today. So if we could just get a moratorium on all “Is Jessica Simpson’s Body a Wonderland?” headlines for awhile, that’d be great, mmkay?

• Barbara Walters, E.E. Cummings find Rosie O’Donnell’s blog pretentious, totally unnecessary.
• People reports that “Party of Five’s Jeremy London” got married this weekend. The last time Jeremy London filmed an episode of Party of Five, it was 1997, and you still had a crush on Scott Wolf.
• “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin died this weekend when he was stung by a stingray while filming in Australia. It must be sweeps week.
• Donald Trump: still a raging, misogynistic asshole.
• David Beckham confirms that his wife, Posh Spice, is pregnant again. Hey remember that one time she got trashed at that club in London and there were all those hilarious pictures of it on the Internet? Yeah, that was like 2 weeks ago.
• Nicole Richie’s body has nearly exhausted its “internal organs” supply of sustenance.
• Yeah, I know, you think it’s pretty heartless of me to be making jokes at the expense of Steve Irwin’s recent death and Nicole Richie’s imminent one. And you’re probably right. But you know what? There are more pics of Jessica Alba’s ass. You can’t stay mad at me forever.