I don’t even know where to begin.  First of all, what is Samantha Ronson doing with my beautiful lesbian crush Portia De Rossi?  According to my close scrutinizing, she’s just sharing a lighter.  Let’s hope it stays that way.  I don’t want my Portia anywhere near Sam “Concert T” Ronson.

Secondly, why is my beautiful lesbian crush looking like the general unwashed masses?  It’s her job to look stately and stunning and lipstick-ish.  Her clothes are dirty and she’s … she’s wearing her cellphone on her waistband!

Finally, and I find this a very difficult question to even pose, is that a raccoon tail I see?

Well this is interesting. An informal poll conducted by ParentDish.com asked over 10,000 mothers which celebrity couple they’d be most comfortable leaving their kids with. The winner? Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi.

The TV chat show host and her wife took 31% of votes with Jennifer Aniston coming in second at 22%. Brad and Angie got 18% of votes, while Oprah Winfrey got just 9%.

Now, granted, this isn’t exactly Pew research, but 10,000 moms is a pretty large sample size. And they feel safer having their kids with non-mom Jen than with parents-of-six Brangelina! AND they trust their kids around HOMOSEXUALS! Shocking!!! Isn’t it a part of the gay agenda to allow people to have sex with children as well as household pets? I guess I got my facts wrong, because American women feel their children are perfectly safe with a gay couple.

Guys, I’m really sorry about this Linds news every single day.  You know how I feel about her, but these stories just keep popping up and I’m afraid that if I don’t report them, Beet will punish me by making me watch a twenty-four hour-long compilation DVD of the works of Julia Roberts, or something as equally horrific.

Anyway, Ellen DeGeneres and wife Portia de Rossi, or Double De as they are affectionately called by me, attended the 20th Annual GLAAD Media Awards in which Ellen won Outstanding Talk Show Episode for the episode of Ellen that featured Ellen and Portia’s wedding.  Ellen told Access Hollywood, “We didn’t register, so this is nice. We get an award!”

She also let it be known that Lindsay Lohan is set to appear on Ellen.  “I’m excited. I want to hear what Lindsay has to say and [I] hope she gets back to her career.  She seems to be reaching out to people lately… I hope she’s OK… she’s so talented.  I’m going to ask her what’s going on and let her have a platform to speak.”

Can someone, anyone, please explain to me just how talented Lindsay Lohan is?  I’m not kidding right now, I’m open to learning.  What production, done within the last five years (because we cannot allow Linds to still be riding on the hair extensions coattails of Parent Trap), has Lindsay appeared in and been “so talented,”?  I respect Ellen a lot both as a human and as a comedienne so I’m sure she’s right and I’m just overlooking some body of work.  And if Lindsay was good in something, I really need to watch whatever it was so I can be more educated on this loved and hated girl.  Call it research for the job.

I’ve got two open slots on my Netflix queue right now.  Tell me what Lohan masterpiece I need to order up.  Go.

Thanks to Wendie for the heads up on that one.
I still think it’s sweet that they chose to share each others’ last names. You know, “De”?

Check out the cuteness that ensues as Ellen Degeneres has her wife, Portia de Rossi, on her talk show.

Damn, Portia is SO GORGEOUS. She hasn’t aged a day since Ally McBeal. Ellen is a lucky lady!

Part II of the interview is after the jump.

“There’s a peace to [being married] and a sense of togetherness that we just didn’t have before. And I didn’t even realize it would change as much as it has, but it’s so lovely .. It’s legal, and it’s real, so there’s that kind of formality to it that makes it very valid. I think the emotions that went with that as a gay woman kind of surprised me – that I would be that relieved to have my mother be present at the ceremony to bless the union, and to call [Ellen] her daughter-in-law.”

Portia de Rossi, discussing her marriage at a promotional event for her new TV show, Better off Ted.

My goodness, I am quite the trend-setter.

I decided back in November that I was going to go vegan, and now it appears Portia de Rossi and Ellen Degeneres have made the same choice.

Former Ally McBeal star De Rossi reveals she and her wife went meat and dairy-free late last year – and De Generes’ healthy diet choice is already paying off for her.

The actress explains, “We just made that shift in our lives. The benefit of it is weight loss. For her more than me. Her body responded to it very well. It is amazing.

“We are just both very happy. It feels like such a compassionate choice. We are such animal lovers, why stop short of cows and chickens? It didn’t make any sense.”

I would highly recommend going vegan, or at least trying to eat vegan a couple days out of the week. Not only will you probably lose weight, your skin will clear up and you’ll feel a lot better physically and emotionally. It is healthier for animals, for the environment, and for you! If you want a quick, easy read on the advantages of veganism, pick up Skinny Bitch. If you want to hear the scientific facts and studies, and you are prepared for a denser read, pick up The China Study.

Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossi were hard at work threatening the sanctity of marriage on Wednesday night, as Portia stood lovingly beside her wife, Ellen, who’d just won the People’s Choice Award for Best Talk Show Host. Portia beams at the camera and then beams at her wife, because it’s so exciting that they can share and treasure this achievement, because they’re married now, and because they are working hard to set the foundation for a lifelong partnership that can be fulfilling and joyful for themselves and all those who love them.

Yes yes. Now I see how this sort of nonsense goes against everything marriage stands for.

Wait …

No, I still don’t get it.

Hooray for the first pics of the Portia/Ellen wedding on Saturday!

How gorgeous does Portia look???

I want that dress for MY wedding!

Thanks Laura!

Congratu-fucking-lations to Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi, who officially tied the knot on Saturday in a small ceremony at their home attended by close family and friends. Only nineteen people were there!

Both brides wore Zac Posen and exchanged rings by Neil Lane. They also wrote their own vows.

I really really REALLY hope they’re going to release photos. I want to see pictures of this WONDERFUL occasion!!!

CONGRATS ELLEN AND PORTIA!!!

Hooray!!!

Our very first celebrity lesbian wedding!!!

Portia De Rossi and Ellen Degeneres are planning to get married this weekend in a small intimate ceremony with only a few close friends and family … and the paparazzi, hopefully. They’ll probably be all over this thing. I want to see photos!!! Will they both wear bridal gowns? Ooooh, we could play “Who Wore It Best: Lesbian Wedding Bridal Gown Edition.”

All joking aside, this is fucking awesome, and I’m beyond thrilled that this loving couple has the opportunity to get married. Maybe one day I’ll have the same opportunity. Unfortunately, the state of California is still not open-minded enough to recognize my marriage to Adam Duritz without, ya know, his written consent, but I plan to issue a lawsuit addressing this injustice once I’m absolutely certain I want a forged marriage to Adam Duritz instead of to Michael Phelps.

Ellen Degeneres and hottie girlfriend Portia de Rossi share a hot on-stage kiss at the Daytime Emmy Awards.

Ooh-la-la!