Cuban dictator extraordinaire Fidel Castro was reported to have terminal cancer on Friday by Time.com. The impending death of the longtime Communist leader is an event with marked history-changing potential.

I heard about it today, Sunday, on PerezHilton.com, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton. And most of you will hear about it tomorrow, Monday, here on The Beet, while searching for fresh dirt on Paris Hilton.

Oh, come on, don’t pretend you already knew. Unless you read Perez’s blog first.

We are, truly, a generation to be reckoned with.

Update: North Korea has nukes, as of, like, an hour ago. Ha! I totally scooped you, Perez!

• God bless the British press. They’ve got a pic of cocaine in its natural habitat — the inside of Kate Moss’s nose.
• If the standard blow-up doll isn’t doing the trick anymore, you can bid on an actual Fembot on eBay.
• Nick Carter: “Paris Hilton is a psychotic evil whore blah blah blah blah hey by the way I have a television show coming out.”
• Jamie Pressly gets engaged and Kate Hudson files for divorce.
• Do you want a George W. Bush butt plug? Perhaps for use in conjunction with your Fembot? Okay, okay. Just promise you’ll think about it.
• ABC’s website has a clip of the Terri Irwin interview that will air on 20/20 tonight.
• I can’t believe I am linking to Perez Hilton just because I agree with his taste, but I am. Regina Spektor rocks, and when you’re done listening to the new Killers album, you should check her out.
• Lost star Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje ayddibug ukilolopoti yi Abptu daka-daka shrekpiti.

I love it when there’s a ton of cool stuff breaking on a Friday afternoon.

• Grey’s Anatomy kicks some CSI ass, while ANTM stays fierce on the CW.
• Die Hard 4: Live Free or Die Hard (uuuuugh) rounds out its cast with Justin Long and Maggie Q. The fourth installment of the Bruce Willis-as-Jack-Bauer series begins shooting in Baltimore this weekend.
• Is $1B a reasonable valuation for Facebook? Time Warner CEO Dick Parsons thinks not.
• Holy fucking shit. PerezHilton.com had 2 million unique visitors yesterday. This blog thing may take off after all.
• Nicky Hilton’s beau Kevin Connolly punches Brandon Davis in the face — twice! — at a party at Paris Hilton’s house. Why? Who cares? Way to go, E!
• Making an appearance at the same party was La Lohan, who I hear got her ass dumped by Harry Morton after dinner last night at Chateau Marmont. I’ve heard from several sources that she and Paris were playing nice at the party, with Paris even trying to convince Linds that the many reports of her talking shit about the broken-wristed starlet were false. My guess? Lindsay’d been trying to keep her nose clean (literally) to maintain a relationship with Harry Morton, who’s well known to be sober, but when that fell apart she went crawling back to her old cokey pals, Paris & Co, within hours.

• Paris Hilton finally gets that elusive DUI. Sorry to those of you who had your money on Lohan. Her spokesperson, Perez Hilton — er, um, Elliot Mintz — says the arrest was “probably the result of an empty stomach and working all day and being fatigued.” During her arrest, Hilton failed to make comments disparaging any particular race or religion, and was released within hours. TMZ has art.
• According to the AP, AmIdol’s Clay Aiken is being considered to be named to the President’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, the White House said Wednesday. As if this statement alone isn’t funny enough on so many levels, check out the photo the AP chose to run with the story.

  

• Kristin Cavalleri is whoring around with DJ AM, Nicole Richie’s ex. So you, like, totally don’t care about that whole Brody Jenner thing, right K?
• Lionel Richie lies and says a doctor told him Nicole’s not anorexic. The “doctor” said Nicole’s weight loss was “stress-related” and “due to his divorce from her mother and from all the media attention his daughter gets.” So, you know, anorexia.
• Michelle Tanner really needs to ash that cigarette.

  

• I haven’t posted about Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb in at least two days. So you’ll all be relieved to know that they showed up together to TV Guide’s Post-Emmy bash at Social Hollywood. I think it’s time to stop speculating and start coping. They’re a couple.
• Gwen Stefani is boycotting the VMAs because she tries really hard to sing good and dance sexy but she just really feels like they’re being nicer to Kelly Clarkson and sometimes she feels picked on like they just really don’t care if they hurt her feelings and it’s just not faaaaiiiir.
• Yes, okay, here’s the Beyonce nip slip. Are you happy? Now leave me to wallow in the sad, Beyonce-nip-slip-posting life I’ve created for myself. I wanted to write literary fiction once, you know.

• La Lohan’s pop would like the opportunity to expound on his prison art.
• Recently divorced Hilary Swank is dating her not-quite-yet-divorced agent at CAA. Will she never get involved with someone famous?
• JT and Cameron in splitsville? Perez Hilton thinks mayhaps.
• I am not writing about or linking to anything regarding Suri Cruise’s fecal matter, be it bronzed or otherwise. I’m just not. Sorry to disappoint.

There’s more where that came from. Note that the other woman present is her mother.