Update: I fixed this so you guys can see the images.

Update 2: Okay, now I’m getting emails from radio and TV stations asking if I can help them score Jonathan for an interview. Loves it.

Look.

Normally the last thing I want to do is give any publicity to either Jonathan Jaxson or Perez Hilton. But this was just too good to pass up. So this is going to be, like, more of an extensive rant than a normal blog post, because I have a lot to say on the matter.

You all know who Perez is, but let me give you some background on Jonathan. He popped up on the celeb blogging scene about a year ago, but he has a long and distinguished history of fame-whoring. He’s been on like 18,000 reality TV shows, each less self-respecting than the last, and is basically willing to do anything to get you to talk about him. I’ve emailed with him a few times, and, frankly, find him to be a nice enough guy, but he has a habit of making up email addresses and sending out disturbing self-promoting emails that kind of make me want to slap him.

Here’s just one example — an email I got on September 5, 2007 from a “Bart Ray.”

Hi,

I am writing you regarding former Hollywood publicist
turned blogger, Jonathan Jaxson and a sex video I just
got hands on of he and Bobby Trendy. It is crazy.
These are some screen shots of the two I have
uncovered that Bobby sent me prior to leaking the
tape.

Whoa. This JJ kid is crazy and beautiful.
(www.jonathanjaxson.com)

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178467

Bart

You need a login to check out the photos on JUB, so I emailed “Bart” back (knowing full well it was JJ) asking if he could just send along the photos, and he happily obliged. If you guys really care, let me know, and I’m happy to post them, but, at the time, I decided against it, because the photos of “Bobby Trendy” didn’t have his face in them, and the photos of Jonathan didn’t have his penis in them, and the whole thing was just very boring and stupid. But this is just one example of the semi-regular emails I get from Jonathan and his pseudonyms. It’s relentless. In November 2007, I got an email from a “stanleyjason31@yahoo.com” alerting me to a tape of Jonathan masturbating on dudetube or some shit. I did a brief post on that one. The video is down now, but, as I recall, it was really, really dirty — I think it was the tape Perez refers to in these transcripts. Really dirty. Like I get embarrassed just thinking about the possibility of me making a tape like that, even if it were for the sole purpose of burning it immediately afterward. Never, never, never. (You’re welcome, Mom.)

So anyway.

On Thursday morning, this ran in the NY Post:

MARIO Lavandeira – better known as online gossip “Perez Hilton” – encouraged a handsome young blogger to send sex tapes of himself while he was making promises of promotion for the blogger’s own fledgling Web site.

Jonathan Jaxson – a former publicist and founder of gossip site JJ’s Dirt – told Page Six he sent Lavandeira sexually explicit videos of himself with the hope of Lavandeira’s help, which never materialized.

“He would tell me he would give me stories for my blog,” Jaxson, 24, said of Lavandeira, 29. “He used me.”

We’ve obtained pages of lengthy AOL Instant-Messenger chats between Jaxson and “Perez Hilton,” who has risen to fame with his Web site, where he doodles on photos of celebrities accompanied by scathing insults.

The New York Times ran a gushing puff piece on “Perez” Tuesday, reporting he gets 2.8 million visitors a month and is in talks with Warner Music for his own label because he has such a great ear for new music.

In an exchange from Sept. 1, 2007, Lavandeira told Jaxson, “you should totally make a sex tape . . . (but not with me).” Jaxson wrote back, “I will have to make one on here for you tomorrow and e-mail it to you.” Lavandeira responded, “Hot! Do it now!”

The next afternoon, Lavandeira asked Jaxson, “When are you sending me that video you promised?” Jaxson responded, “If you do a phone blog with me for my blog . . . as if I am cold calling you in attempt to get advice for my blog. You can be totally rude. I don’t want others to know we talk.”

The next day, Lavandeira asked again, “Where is that video?”

Jaxson told Page Six he sent Lavandeira videos of himself masturbating and other forms of “sex videos,” but said he only met Lavandeira in person three times – once in Florida and twice in New York.

“I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart . . . but he’s just a [bleep]hole,” Jaxson told us. “We started working together and communicating on how to make my blog bigger. Then it got more personal and intimate.”

Lavendeira had no comment.

On Thursday afternoon, I got this in my email, from — who else? — stanleyjason31@yahoo.com:

Love your blogs. Here is the AIM chats the NY post got ahold of from Perez Hilton & Jonathan Jaxson. They talk major sex in exchange for publicity. You must read!!!

Here you go!!!

Stanley

Amusingly, “Stanley” hasn’t learned the art of the blind CC; the email also went out to the teams at Jezebel, Defamer, Fleshbot, Gawker, the Superficial, DListed, TMZ, Hollyscoop, Jossip, and — my personal favorite — MSNBC.

So, basically, like, here’s the moral: Fame is a disease. And Jonathan Jaxson has a very serious, debilitating case of it. Listen closely, people: if I ever get to the point where I’m sending the goddamn “what would you do to me if you were here?” AIM chats I have with dudes I’m dating to fucking goddamn Jezebel in the hopes that they’ll actually print it just take me outside and shoot my head off. Don’t ask questions. Just kill me. I’m unsalvageable.

But I digress.

The truth is, though, these transcripts really are a must-read. I mean, seriously, guys, there’s a part in there where Perez brags about his 8.5 inch cock (although he claims he hasn’t measured it since high school). It’s fucking genius.

Full transcripts are after the jump. They’re not safe for work; there’s a lot of penis in there, kids. Lotta penis.

(more…)

Remember that little lawsuit where Samantha Ronson sued Perez Hilton for claiming she’d sold unflattering photos of Lindsay Lohan?

Perez won the lawsuit, and now he’s asking SamRo to pay his legal bills.

He’s requested $93,000 in attorneys’ fees to compensate for the bill he racked up defending himself against the defamation suit.

Dayum. Lawyers are expensive. Much more expensive than paying for photos, ahem.

On Wednesday, a judge tossed out Perez Hilton’s unfair competition lawsuit against X17, ruling that Hilton has no standing to intervene on behalf of the photographers who do work for the company.

Basically, when X17 sued Perez for copyright violation, he struck back with a (retaliatory) lawsuit alleging that X17 used unfair labor and wage practices. Unfortunately, you kind of have to have been an employee to do that.

“It’s definitely clear there is no love fest between the two parties,” L.A. Superior Court Judge Teresa Sanchez-Gordon said, also denying Hilton attorney Gregory Doll’s last-minute request to amend the complaint.

The lawsuit X17 filed against Perez is still pending in federal court.

Weird. Perez ran the top picture (of Paris Hilton) today, with one of the logos on the backdrop (obviously) erased. Below it you’ll find a picture of Kim and Sean Stewart from the same event. The logo he erased was Brent Bolthouse’s. What’s the drama there?

DJ Samantha Ronson, known more lately for what her fingers are doing with Lindsay Lohan than what they’re doing with a turntable, has struck back against two gossip blogs with a $20 million libel suit.

Ronson, herself a budding celebrity deejay, is striking back at suggestions that cocaine found in Lohan’s car after an infamous fender-bender was actually hers.

Named as defendants were Jill Ishkanian, who runs the Sunset Photo and News Agency, and Mario Lavandeira, who blogs as Perez Hilton.

In June, Hilton repeated the cocaine claim that first appeared on CelebrityBabylon.com, a Web site operated by Sunset Photo.

That site claimed Ronson was “making a tidy profit on the side, shilling Lohan, 20, out to photographers eager to get her photo looking passed out and wasted.”

It continued: “If that wasn’t shocking enough, sources say that it was Ronson who was holding the cocaine later found in Lindsay’s car.”

First of all, everyone ran that story. Samantha’s suing Sunset Photo because, for lack of a better phrase, they started it, and because flat-out accusing someone of doing cocaine is an easy way to wind up on the losing end of a libel suit. (And, to clarify, every time the word “cocaine” is used on this blog, you should be aware that it’s our code word for “popsicle.” Inside joke. We know no one in Hollywood would ever use illegal narcotics. Winners don’t do drugs. But they do like popsicles.) She’s suing Perez to get back at him for all the mean shit he runs about Lindsay, because Lord knows after he settles this suit with X17 et al, he’s not going to have a cent to pay her with. She’s just trying to make his life miserable. Which is, you know, fine with me.

Oh. Fuck. Yes. Now this makes sense.

Finally, a lawsuit in which Perez Hilton is not being accused of copyright violations. In fact, the gossip blogger (real name: Mario Lavandeira) is the one suing this time, claiming that a rogue Los Angeles photo agency is unfairly competing against his blog by, among other things, employing a platoon of illegal aliens who physically threaten the paparazzi competition. Filed yesterday, Lavandeira’s Los Angeles Superior Court complaint … alleges that the X17 agency’s owners engage in “illegal and unethical business practices” and that they exploit the company’s photographers, many of whom are “from Brazil or other countries” and are “believed to be illegal aliens.” He also charges that the agency may “employ photographers with criminal backgrounds and/or gang affiliations.” While Lavandeira does not identify any paparazzi by name, X17 photographer Ramon “Twist” Kirk is a convicted sex offender. As first revealed by reporter Eric Longabardi, Kirk spent 16 months in a California prison for the felony sex crime, which involved a teenage girl. Lavandeira contends that X17 has launched a “copycat blog” and, to secure a competitive advantage, the agency exploits its labor pool “through unlawful business practices.

Not only is Perez suing X17 as a corporation, he’s also suing its owners, Francois and Brandy Navarre, as individuals.

You can read the full complaint here.

We’ll be talking about this more later, I promise.

Who’d've guessed that on Paris Hilton Jail Release day, my favorite story would be about an entirely different Hilton?

(Thanks Chris!)

Just posted on Perez:

Notice To All Current And Former Photographers Of X17

Does X17 owe you money?

If you feel that you have not been adequately compensated by X17 for your time (including overtime) or your photographs, please contact us at info@perezhilton.com immediately.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Ohhhhhhhh shit.

This no longer has anything to do with first amendment rights or satire or copyright infringement. This shit is personal, and it has been for a while now.

But it is sooooo much fun!!!!