Twenty years ago this week, Paula Abdul scored her second No. 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 singles chart with “Forever Your Girl.” This week, she’s back on the charts, with her new single “Here for the Music” coming in at the #87 spot following her appearance on Idol last week. Not an especially embarrassing ranking for a 46-year-old doing dance tracks, but I’d wager money that it’ll be off the charts entirely by next week.

Meanwhile, Chris Daughtry’s “No Suprise,” which debuted on Idol the same day as Paula’s single, is on the charts at #15. That one, I think, will continue upward.

The student has become the teacher, yo.

You may remember a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned a Nightline interview in which Paula Abdul offered up her medical records as a means to prove that she has never been addicted to anything.  She actually claimed she had never even been drunk which was a shame since that was the only explanation I previously had to explain her wardrobe.

Just a couple days ago, Beet told you all about how Paula was finally coming clean about coming clean.  She granted an interview to Ladies Home Journal in which she talked about how she could have killed herself, the pain of withdrawal and rehab.

Well now Paula claims that her comments were taken out of context.  Which I can totally see. Have you seen the way those hardcore bastards over at LHJ will twist facts just to sell magazines?  I can’t tell you how many “The Benefits Of Calcium” articles I had to read in their publication before I caught on to their malicious intent.

So the newest episode of Abdulmentia looks like this:  Paula called into Detroit’s Mojo in the Morning radio show today to debunk any addiction talk.  According to Abdul, she never told LHJ that she was addicted to painkillers and never said she went to rehab despite the magazine’s use of direct quotes.

Of course, in the same radio interview, she also said Kara DioGuardi is a “dear friend” so I think that right there proves she’s a liar.

Above:  video of Paula performing her new single ” Here For The Music” on American Idol last night.  Ironically, the performance was lip-synched.  It starts at the one minute mark.

After years of denying her SUPER OBVIOUS pill addiction, Paula Abdul is opening up about it … and it JUST SO HAPPENS to coincide with the release of her new single. Funny, that.

Paula says she’s kicked the pill habit, which I’m almost willing to believe, as she’s been more sober during this season of Idol than any season prior. She talks openly in a new interview about the detox process:

“I could have killed myself,” Abdul, 46, tells Ladies’ Home Journal in its June issue. “Withdrawal – it’s the worst thing.”

Abdul says she checked herself into the La Costa Resort and Spa, in Carlsbad, Calif., last Thanksgiving to help beat her use of medication. “I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain, it was excruciating,” she says. “But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been.”

After taking medication to combat pain from injuries that happened during her grueling years as a dancer – beginning with a back injury when she was 17 and including a neck injury sustained in a plane crash in 1993 – the American Idol judge says, “I’d been working nonstop,” and her desire to carry on with her work led her to take more pain pills.

“I’m an old school professional,” Abdul says of her “Never let them see you sweat” credo.

By 2005, Abdul was diagnosed with reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome, a chronic condition that resulted in debilitating pain. As a result, she wore a pain patch and took nerve medication and, occasionally, a muscle relaxant. The combo made her “get weird,” she says.

Ehhh, I’m not gonna give her too hard a time here. I’m glad she finally got honest about it, because it’s been so ridiculously obvious for years now, and her lies about it were such a punchline. Hopefully she’s really clean and planning to stay that way.

Looks like Paula Abdul managed to stumble into a recording studio and allow a voice modulator to give her throat a little break from the pills. The result? This new single, called “Here for the Music.” The song was previously recorded by Kylie Minogue as a demo but never released. (You can listen to Kylie’s version here.)

I know this song’s intended as a dance track, but I still think it’s pretty freakin’ awful. It’s sounds more like a track that Heidi Montag rejected, and you all know that’s saying something. Paula’s reportedly going to be performing this song “live” on Idol. I don’t know if even that level of exposure can save this thing. Plus there’s the added risk that it’ll kill Simon.

“I’ve never been addicted to any prescription drugs. I’ve never been drunk. I’ve worked my whole life.  I will not take those drugs.  And you can check my medical records. There is nothing like that. I was never on Oxycontin or Vicodin or anything like that. I was on nerve medicine and anti-inflammatories.”

Paula Abdul in a Nightline interview in which she defends her frequently erratic behavior.  Oh, and when Nightline did ask for consent to view her medical records, as per her offer, Paula declined.

I’m watching American Idol tonight, and maybe this is due to my burgeoning Ambien problem, but every time they showed Scott MacIntyre’s face in that dark leather jacket I just thought to myself “They needed this guy for NKOTB.” I mean, look at him! Eyebrows, jawline, vacant stare. He fits right in. Actually, he looks specifically a lot like Joey McIntyre, now that I think about it. And now that I think about it even harder, has anyone actually seen Joey McIntyre lately? In the same place as Scott MacIntyre???

Hmmm.

I’m still a little bit high on Paula’s use of the word “legato,” which is how she referred to Scott’s performance. Hang on a sec, let me get you the exact definition of “legato” as it pertains to vocal performance: “a string of sustained vowels with minimal interruption from consonants.” Ohhhh, Paula. I know now why you like this word. You get a similar definition when you look up the side effects of long-term Xanax abuse.

I’m hearing more information about the rumored “tell-all” that an American Idol ex-employee is writing. Here’s what the tipster is saying:

I was able to get a little more info for you regarding the new Idol employee tell all book. The medication/drug issues of Paula are going to discussed in detail and how she travels around the country during the auditions with at least 2 gallon size ziplock bags full of orange prescription bottles, as well as dozens of loose pills at the bottom of each bag.

Also how the producers of the show place “plants” during the audition process. These people have some sort of deal worked out with the show in which they avoid the audition process that everyone else must go through and instead they are ushered to the front of the line to register to audition for the judges. When they do this they are actually allowed to skip 2-3 rounds of auditions and go directly to the judging. Most of these “plants” are ushered by reps from 19 Management and/or major producers of the show.

And last but not least. The book is going to talk about how contestants are forced by the producers to sing certain songs during the weekly shows. If the producers do not like the way a certain contestant is singing a song or their song choice they will strong arm them into changing it. When they do this the producers usually make them sing an unknown or less popular song that the contestant does not feel comfortable singing and knows little about. The theory behind them doing is this is that they want to control the voting process and have certain contestants eliminated before others based on the voting at home. They feel that if contestants do a terrible job or sing a song that is not really known the public will vote them off.

The last two things are interesting, but really all I want to hear about is Paula’s drug problem. It fascinates me to no end. How have they not fired her?

Oooh, I hope this book does come out! And soon!