Paul McCartney goes topless on holiday and ends up looking a lot like what I pictured my grandmother to look like in a pair of swimming trunks and nothing else.

His girlfriend, however, Nancy Shevell, has a mighty fine-looking ass for someone who’s almost fifty.   And dayyyyum, check out that waistline! She’s clearly never grunted a child out of her vagina.

Also, on the topic of Nancy Shevell’s vagina, mad kudos to her for bumping uglies withGramma McCartney.  I’m sure she’ll have a good comeuppance in the long run for indulging an old maid’s man’s freaky-deaky ways.

Nah, I’m just kidding.  I love Paul McCartney and his old lady funbags.  He’s sweet and talented and probably a super-nice guy. I just wouldn’t want to do ‘em.

I’ve used Google street view to look at my own house– I’m sure you probably have too. While it can be a surreal, and even slightly unsettling experience, I’ve never been worried that a blurry snapshot of the outside of my house would give burglars a leg up on trying to break in to it. But then, I’m not Sir Paul McCartney.

Photos of Paul McCartney’s London house were removed from Google Street View after the rock N roll star’s security team complained.

The Daily Telegraph said the Web site, which was launched in England in March, has been criticized for allegedly violating people’s privacy, and making residents vulnerable to burglars and other villains.

“He was unsettled when he heard users could get a 360-degree view of the property,” The Sun newspaper quoted a source as saying about McCartney.

A Google spokesman told the tabloid anyone can eliminate their house from the Web site by clicking a button.

Let’s hope everyone doesn’t make use of that button. Otherwise, entertaining websites like this might become a thing of the past. Invasion of privacy? I don’t see what the problem is.

Honestly?

Nothing bores me more than Paul McCartney and his girlfriends.

I want to hire a special blogger just to cover all things Paul McCartney around here, so that I don’t even have to pretend to care.

But his new girlfriend, American heiress Nancy Shevell, has reportedly moved in with him, just five months after his divorce from Heather McCartney became final. So, ya know, I have to write about it.

Nancy’s 47, so hopefully she’s infertile and there won’t be another helpless child dragged into yet another messy McCartney split.

So long, Heather Mills!

Paul McCartney seems to be going strong with his new woman, Nancy Shevell.

The couple are driving across the U.S. along Route 66 — in a classic ‘89 Ford Bronco. They were spotted in Joliet, Illinois last weekend, and they’re apparently planning to take the famous highway all the way to the West coast.

This is actually a really smart move on Paul’s part. I mean, if he doesn’t hate her after a cross-country drive in an ‘89 Bronco, she’s definitely a keeper. I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet right now with whom I’d want to drive cross-country. Well, except for Leo. Because he doesn’t talk.

Heather Mills McFugly finally settled her divorce from the Beatle — to the tune of $48.6 million.

It isn’t even close to what she was asking for originally, but still. I could live on that kind of money, I think.

“I’m so glad it’s over,” Mills said at an impromptu news conference. “It was an incredible result in the end to secure mine and my daughter’s future and that of all the charities that I obviously plan on helping and making a difference with — because you know it has been my life for 20 years.”

Jesus, Heather, no one’s happier it’s over than me. Not only does it mean that I don’t have to read about your stupid divorce proceedings anymore, it means the door is officially open for my ass to get in there and divorce Paul McCartney.

For a reported $100 million.

That sum includes a $40M lump sum payment, and around $5M a year in child support until little Beatrice turns 18. Why on earth does Beatrice need $5 mil a year, you ask? For the cocaine habit, silly. I mean, she’ll be 12 before you know it.

I need to find me a Beatle to marry.

Now you can cross “See Steven Tyler’s bare ass” off your list of things to do before you die. I know, I know. When you put it on there twenty years ago it seemed a much more appealing proposal. Beggars can’t be choosers. But thankfully his daughter girlfriend is there to add a touch of youth to the image. [MollyGood]

How is it surprising to anyone, let alone someone who has actually had sex with her, that Anna Nicole continues to sell pictures of her baby to the tabloids? Come on, Larry Birkhead. You know you’re loving this. [Cele|bitchy]

Britney and her new parasite drop $40K a night on the Hugh Hefner suite at The Palms. I’m not sure why she needs that rotating bed. You know the whole room is spinning for her by bedtime anyway.* [Pop on the Pop]

Who is Keeley Hazell? Who cares? Her sex tape leaked. [Bossip]

Damn. I was in the Lindsay-Lohan’s-boobs-are-real camp for a long, long time, but now I’m starting to have second thoughts. [Yeeeah!]

Oh happy day! It turns out Gwen Stefani looks human before you airbrush the hell out of her. [Teddy and Moo]

Snore. Heather Mills wins something in her never-ending battle with Sir Paul McCartney. Wake me when I’m British. [Monica Monroe]

*A special congrats to Isaac Cohen, who, having been Britney’s boy-toy for over a week now, has earned his previously irrelevant ass its very own label here on the Beet.