The adorable and quirky Parker Posey has had her debut in This postponed by a case of lyme disease, according to Playwrights Horizons. The star of Best In Show, Waiting for Guffman and Scream 3 had to pull out when she was recently diagnosed with the disease of my nightmares, which a quick Google search tells me has the following symptoms:

• Rash. A small, red bump may appear within a few days to a month, often at the site of the tick bite — often in your groin, belt area or behind your knee. It may be warm to the touch and mildly tender. Over the next few days, the redness expands, forming a rash that may be as small as your fingertip or as large as 12 inches (30 centimeters) across. It often resembles a bull’s-eye, with a red ring surrounding a clear area and a red center. The rash, called erythema migrans, is one of the hallmarks of Lyme disease, affecting about 70 percent to 80 percent of infected people. If you’re allergic to tick saliva, redness may develop at the site of a tick bite. The redness usually fades within a week. This is not the same as erythema migrans, which tends to expand and get redder over time.
• Flu-like symptoms. A fever, chills, fatigue, body aches and a headache may accompany the rash.
• Migratory joint pain. If the infection is not treated, you may develop bouts of severe joint pain and swelling several weeks to months after you’re infected. Your knees are especially likely to be affected, but the pain can shift from one joint to another.
• Neurological problems. In some cases, inflammation of the membranes surrounding your brain (meningitis), temporary paralysis of one side of your face (Bell’s palsy), numbness or weakness in your limbs, and impaired muscle movement may occur weeks, months or even years after an untreated infection. Memory loss, difficulty concentrating, and changes in mood or sleep habits also can be symptoms of late-stage Lyme disease.
• Less common signs and symptoms. Some people may experience heart problems — such as an irregular heartbeat — several weeks after infection, but this rarely lasts more than a few days or weeks. Eye inflammation, hepatitis and severe fatigue are possible as well.

Uhhh, terrifying. While I’m sure Posey has the best treatment possible available to her, lyme disease freaks me out like rabies and bed bugs. Nature, man. Nature is totally fucked up.3

I remember the first time I saw this chick on Nip/Tuck, I was like, “That has to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” and, with that, Kelly Carlson quickly kicked Keira Knightley out of that spot in my book. She doesn’t have the exotic, angular look that I usually go for in girls (I love you Jaslene, but please eat), but she’s so classically beautiful I think I’d totally have to sleep with her.

Anyway, she was at the Fox TCA party in Santa Monica, along with other assorted members of the casts of Nip/Tuck and House, including Joely Richardson, who I love but who decided to wear her very best toad costume to this event. And does someone want to help me do the count-down to when Lauren Ambrose and Parker Posey find themselves in some manner of on-camera love scene? Because it can’t be too long in coming, right?

The Fox Network show will be called The Return of Jezebel James and it:

“Centers on a successful children’s book editor (Posey) who is newly single and, after learning she won’t be able to conceive, asks her estranged younger sister to carry her baby for her.”

The premise hardly matters behind a show with Posey, it will all come down to the writing my fine feathered friends. Sadly no invitation has been extended to me (yet) but given the Beet’s meteoric rise to power I think I’m still in the running.

Going through Page Six this morning I realized that they have a feature called the “Celebrity Star Map”. Now click on this link and you can run your mouse over a map of Manhattan and see where various celebrities have been spotted doing various noteworthy things. If you are a local New Yorker, you too can have your star sighting posted on the internet. Their site is a bit sad, with only three sightings which include Jacob the Jeweler, Dr. Ruth, and Julia Roberts.

This sounds quite similar to something that Gawker instituted a few months ago except that Gawker’s is quite cool, and quite popular. They have twenty-five sightings including Anne Hathaway (talking about how fat her fellow actresses were…um, honey you aren’t exactly Nicole Richie), Parker Posey (evidently being a bitch but I love her anyway) and Anderson Cooper (who could also be my boyfriend if he wasn’t playing for the other team).

So really Page Six, I know you are trying to jump on the bandwagon but Gawker is kicking your booty.