“It’s Gordon… Gordon Ramsay?”

Paris Hilton in response to the question “Who is the Prime Minister of the UK?”  Yes, Paris, very good.  Gordon Ramsay, as PM of the UK, awards Michelin stars to distinguished British military personnel too.

What the hell is wrong with Paris Hilton?  I know this is such an open-ended question so let me clarify.  I’m not referring to her sequined smiley face dress, nor her disfigured frame which has officially met the criteria for bobblehead status.  I’m not even talking about the picture in the gallery where she’s giving Lady Gaga an “I’m totally goin’ Lohan on you” look, or the one where she’s humping a wall.

No, my query relates to the dude that she’s totally impaling with her pelvic bones.  His name is George Sampson; he’s a dancer and 2008 winner of Britain’s Got Talent.  He’s fifteen.

Miz Hilton showed off a new, ultra-short bobbed look in Tokyo today at the launch of Bliss Boutique.

What do we think?

A tipster emailed me today to let me know that they’ve started casting for the second season of My New BFF over at GotCast.com. Here’s the link.

Um, if I apply, will you guys vote for me?

Like, a BILLION times a day?

So that I can be on this show?

I really think that if anyone can talk some sense in Paris, I can.

My daughter is really into dress-up.  She’s constantly scampering around the house in crowns and twirly ballerina dresses while whipping her magic wand within centimeters of my head, all in the name of spell casting.  In addition, there are also reindeer antlers, butterfly wings and bunny ears kicking around my house.  She’s three; she’s entitled.

Paris Hilton is almost twenty-eight and is so not entitled to be wearing fucking bunny ear hats and kitten paw mittens.  Here’s a good rule of thumb if you’ve lost your way:  Any clothing or accessory intentionally designed to look like animal parts is deemed “not appropriate”  once you’ve started getting your period.   

Paris has identified herself as someone who has “a lot in common” with Angelina Jolie.  Angelina is popping out kids in exotic locales and dining with heads of state.  Paris is building her friend base through hot tub eliminations and is the Goodwill Ambassador of personalized accessories and her local Bentley dealership.  How do these two have anything in common other than an XX chromosome?  Someone, anyone, enlighten me.

This image was the first thing my eyes focused on after rolling out of bed this morning.  If you applied for the weekend writing gig here at Evil Beet, you need to be aware of the occupational hazards.  It’s all fun and games until Linda Hogan has her support hose and pigtails on.  As if I wasn’t embarrassed enoughfor Linda , there’s a picture in the photo gallery of her kissing her stud.  She doesn’t need to read He’s Just Not That Into You, nor does she need to see the movie.  That picture is worth six words, Linda.  Pay attention.

Anyway, all the celebs are hanging around Park City, Utah, for the Sundance Film Festival.  Paris has been hanging around with Aubrey O’Day and her dog purse.  I can’t decide which accessory I find more offensive.  Christie Brinkley has been rejoicing with all her free stuff and Kevin Bacon has perfected his “I’m broke” face.  Danielle Fishel, super cute as Topanga on Boy Meets World, looks like a former Miss America and Zoe Kravitz goes to the top of my “Most Beautiful People Ever” list.

Take a listen to “Jailhouse Baby,” which is reportedly-maybe-possibly one of the tracks off Paris Hilton’s new album.

God save us all.

She can’t really be doing this, right?