Word on the street is that Paris is back to sucking face with the newly divorced Travis Barker.

Now spies say Hilton, wearing a wig, met up with Barker on Wednesday at the Jet nightclub. Rumors are, they shared a pre-Valentine’s Day kiss.

“Shanna is very upset that Paris is back around,” says a pal. “She and Travis are unhappily divorced — they really should be together.”

What ever happened to Simon Rex? Wasn’t Paris riding him for a week or two? I’m so tired of these shenanigans.

Paris Hilton celebrates her 27th birthday by demonstrating the maturity it’s been such a joy to watch her grow into.

And I know I’ve been MIA lately, guys. I know posts haven’t been as prompt or frequent as they usually are. No, I’m not ditching you for a boyfriend or a new job, I promise. Without going into too much detail, I’ve kind of been going through a little crisis in my personal life the past month or so, culminating in a fantastic Britney-style breakdown this weekend (no umbrellas, but there was some running up and down PCH sobbing, which was oddly cathartic, and I see now why Britney is fond of such antics), which is why I was totally gone. I seem to be doing much better right now.

I need a few more days to pick up the pieces, but expect everything to be back to normal by the end of this week or so.

I’m human, too, you guys, and I appreciate your understanding.

Simon Rex leaves Villa Lounge with new flame Paris Hilton in tow.

This is such a publicity stunt.

This is pretty hilarious.

Paris Hilton does her very best Barbie doll for the premiere of her new film, The Hottie and the Nottie.

She desperately needs the publicity.

Everything’s all Britney, Britney, Britney these days.

What’s a girl to do?

The answer is obvious: Suck face with someone who’s as big a trainwreck as Britney, without all that international superstardom baggage.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25 (who costarred in 2005’s House of Wax), didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

That’s cute.

Paris Hilton hit up Falcon Club, a lesbian nightspot in Hollywood, last night wearing a brown wig.

She left holding hands with what the photo agencies are calling a “mystery woman.”

The photo agencies are retarded.

That’s Brittny Gastineau.

What’s weird about this is that Brittny is all BFF with Kim Kardashian, who Paris has reportedly been warring with for some time. Sleeping with the enemy, Brittny?

I’m having a shitty day. No particular reason — it’s more like 8000 little reasons — but I’m having a shitty day nonetheless. I have to believe that I’m not the only person having a shitty day today.

If you’re one of the many people in the world who are having a shitty day today, I suggest you watch — repeatedly — this little clip of Paris Hilton falling on her face as she gets out of an SUV. Then go look at the Evil Eye Baby. It’ll cheer you up a bit.