The Hilton clan left Hawaii on Wednesday to descend on an unsuspecting Los Angeles.

I have to say, though, Paris has been behaving herself nicely — I mean, in Paris terms — since her little jail stay.

Will this behavior continue into 2008?

Man, I hope not.

Seriously, with Lindsay staying sober and Paris staying out of trouble, I have just one thing to say: I AM EXPECTING BIG THINGS FROM YOU, MILEY CYRUS!! Get out there and DRINK, bitch!

Image via Splash

Grandpa Barron Hilton announced today that he would be donating 97% of his fortune to charity when he kicks the bucket.

His plan includes a $1.2 billion pledge to the Con rad N. Hilton Founda tion, named after his father - a donation that includes the windfall from the recent sale of Hilton Hotels Corp. and the pending sale of the world’s biggest casino company, Harrah’s Entertainment Inc. Barron Hilton, 80, chairman of the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, intends “to contribute 97 percent of his entire net-worth, estimated today at $2.3 billion, including the created trusts, at whatever value it is at the time of his passing,” the foundation declared.

The Hilton Foundation describes its mission as “to relieve the suffering, the distressed and the destitute.” Among its interests are projects that provide clean water in Africa, education for blind children, housing for the mentally ill, the work of Roman Catholic sisters, and substance abuse.

You know, everyone’s all like, “Oh, poor Paris,” but I doubt she’s that distraught about all this. The girl’s a multi-millionaire in her own right; she doesn’t need Grandpa’s money anymore.

Regardless, way to go, Mr. Hilton. At least someone in that family has his head on straight.

THROW HER BACK!!!

THROW HER BACK!!!

Nah, I guess that’s just what she calls a swimsuit.

Paris is on vacay in Hawaii with the fam. On public beaches. Ewww. How bourgeois.

Image via Splash

It’s official: Paris Hilton has aged the fuck out.

You wanna know how I know this?

Her kid brother’s finally showing up on Page Six. Everyone’s ready to move on.

Barron Hilton, 16, is dating Skye Peters, also 16, the daughter of “Superman Returns” producer Jon Peters and his ex, Christine Peters. On Friday, the two holed up at the Bel Air Hotel and “something happened,” said a friend of Jon’s, as “police were called.” A rep for Jon reached the producer at his Santa Barbara ranch and told Page Six: “Jon has responded that he will be looking into the purported relationship, and why Christine is allowing their youngest daughter to spend nights out.” Jon and Christine are in a protracted legal battle, which last week resulted in her eviction from the Bel Air home the couple once shared.

Oh, man.

Messy divorce + Hilton son = FUN

I’m so excited for this new crop of fuck-up celeb kids!!!!

(Pictured above is Skye with her older sister, Caleigh, who recently dumped Sean Stewart.)

After spending a few days grinding around Berlin with model Julian Feitsma, Par-Par and her Wonderbra are back in the USA, and back on the town with Swedish pizza boy Alex Vaggo, who doesn’t appear to mind being very publicly cuckolded.

Here they are partying at Goa in Hollywood.

I like how, in one of the pictures, both of them are clutching their cellphones. What a sweet date. We’ll text the night away, darling!

Images via WENN

This is the trailer for Paris Hilton’s new movie, The Hottie and the Nottie.

Looks like something I — surprise! — won’t be seeing.

Welcome home, Paris! Now go away.

Just back from a whirlwind international trip, Paris wasted no time in hitting up the clubs.

Jet lag, anyone?

Par-Par swung by Villa Lounge last night with Brandon Davis and Kim Stewart.

Paris and her new boy, Model Julian Feitsma (he has a last name now!), party the night away at Berlin nightclub Bangaluu on Saturday.

Meanwhile, La Lohan’s rumored to be dating another nobody, some guy named Spencer Guilbert.

If I were famous, I would date exclusively famous dudes!!!

Meet Julian, a male model who Paris met on her recent trip to China.

Looks like she dragged his ass to Germany with her.

Here they are partying at a Berlin night club called Felix.

Awww, that Pizza Boy must be so sad.

Images via WENN

Claaaaaaaaaassy!

The newest ridiculous thing Paris Hilton’s hawking is Rich Prosecco, a white wine in what looks to be a gold Red Bull can.

How sophisticated!

My company softball team used to drink wine out of a bag during our games. Like, they actually make bags of wine. With spigots. That was awesome. Our team was called The Swingers. We never once won a game, because the stupid referees decided the winners based on who got people around the bases instead of who was drunker. Otherwise we would have been league champions many times over. Drinking wine out of a bag is way cooler than drinking wine out of a stupid gold can.

Anyway, check out Par-Par’s commercials for the junk.

Here she is in Berlin (checking into the Berlin Hilton), where she recently arrived — after being in Miami, London and Paris — to promote her fragrance, Can-Can.

Okay, look.

I am going to say something once, and I may never say it again, so listen carefully:

[BEGINNING OF ONE-TIME BEET STATEMENT]

I am very impressed with how hard Paris has been working to promote this stupid fragrance.

She’s like the anti-Britney right now. While Brit refuses to lift a shaky, nicotine-stained finger to promote her album, Paris is traveling the globe to promote a stupid perfume.

Good work, Paris.

[END OF ONE-TIME BEET STATEMENT]

OMG. That was really hard. I think I need to take a nap now.

Image via WENN

I doubt there’s any truth to this story, but I feel obliged to bring it to you anyway.

Britney Spears is threatening to release video footage of one-time friend Paris Hilton in a lesbian romp with a mutual pal - if the socialite doesn’t start treating her better.

London’s Daily Mail newspaper has been alerted to a letter Spears’ camp has sent to Hilton, demanding The Simple Life star stops being rude to Britney and members of her entourage.

They reportedly threatened to leak the footage, which shows Hilton in a compromising position with another woman, unless her attitude changes.

A source says, “The letter warns Paris that if she continues being rude to people, the footage will be leaked online.”

You know why I don’t think this is true?

If that footage existed, Paris would have leaked it herself by now. She doesn’t care if Britney leaks it, either. Hell, she has a perfume to sell, and Paris certainly knows that any publicity is good publicity.

Image via Splash