Oh thank heavens. Aaron Carter and Jack Osbourne are feuding. And here I was worried it was going to be another slow news week. [AllieIsWired]

Heather Locklear and David Spade left Mr. Chow’s in the same car, so, as a responsible journalist, I must assume they are dating again. [SplashNews]

YouTube quickly pulled the video of the Kanye West tirade at the MTV Europe VMAs, but Google doesn’t own iFilm yet. Boo-yah. [iFilm]

Daniel Craig is getting rave reviews as the new 007, but it seems he has a bit of a potty mouth. This link also has the long version of the Casino Royale trailer. [The Bosh]

If you weren’t fortunate enough to attend Shanna Moakler’s Las Vegas divorce party in person, you can experience all the emotional health and maturity in these pictures. I hope you get a good, hearty laugh out of them, like I’m sure her children will. [ICYDK]

Don’t stock up on Vaseline just yet — it’s only a rumor thus far — but there is, allegedly, a Scarlett Johansson sex tape in existence, and someone is trying to sell it. [Eluid]

Paris and Nicole pose for their very first pictures as a reunited couple. Nicole’s dyed her hair dark brown — it actually looks nice — and, I could be dreaming, but, based on several pictures I’ve seen of her from this weekend, it looks like she may actually be putting on some weight. Way to go, Nicole! [Rappy's]

Slowest. News week. Ever. So, celeb gossip bloggers have taken to their favorite slow-news-week activity: posting outtakes and best-takes from celeb photo shoots. Check out some of my favorites, and pray that someone finally snaps that pic of Paris Hilton doing what she does best in the bathroom at Hyde next week.

Shakira at the Latin Grammys [Teddy and Moo]

Kristen Bell in Giant magazine. [HGW]

Paris Hilton in Seventeen. [MollyGood]

Celeb candids [celebrity nation]

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony at a Latin Recording Academy event. [YBNBY]

Brangelina and Maddox in India. [Hollyscoop]

Grey’s star Ellen Pompeo on Friends, Kate Walsh by Roberto D’Este [HGW, more]

And, finally, a celeb nipple slip compilation video. [Celebrity Pictorials]

Seriously, she knows this is a nonsense costume. She just wants to see what we’ll do with it.

This is like a Rorschach test. What do you see in Paris Hilton’s Halloween get-up? Let us know in the comments.

More pics here.

I don’t know why Paris has decided to publically come out and say she is not a slut over and over again. Maybe she just “cuddles” with all of the guys that she is reportedly “dating.” At least Lindsay Lohan comes out and says she likes to sleep around. I respect her for that. I just have to say, if you make a sex tape when you are 19 years old and you continously are surrounded by hot dudes while intoxicated YOU ARE GETTING LAID…A LOT. Come on Paris. Nobody is going to believe you. Embrace the ho within.

In today’s episode of the Anna Nicole is Functionally Retarded Show, we learn that Anna previously tried to convince a wealthy paramour, G. Ben Thompson, that he was the father of her newborn girl. The only hitch in the plan? Thompson had a vasectomy years earlier. Has anybody explained to this woman that there are magical science machines that can determine definitively who a child’s father is? [Fametastic]

Isaiah Washington was supposed to appear on Ellen Wednesday to clear up the allegations that he’s a violent, homophobic jackass, but he canceled at the last minute, citing a change in production schedule. Grey’s less controversial star Katherine Heigl was sent in to diffuse the situation instead. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

Not to be outdone by TMZ’s scoop on his birth certificate, X17’s crew hid in the bushes outside the Spears-Federline household for an unspecified amount of time, and now they have video of Jayden James Federline. [CelebSlam]

Entourage creator Doug Ellin has a similarly styled show about Wall Street types in the works. Because i-bankers really are like the movie stars of the east coast, just a little more self-centered and detached from reality. [BankersBall]

Not only has Lindsay Lohan heard of Dick Van Dyke, she also doesn’t think he did a very good job with that whole Mary Poppins project. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Pay attention, because I will probably never write these words again, but Paris Hilton actually looks really good in French Vogue. [Teddy and Moo]

Lest you think I have any shame, here are pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal’s man loaf. Don’t worry, he’s wearing pants. He just should have also worn underwear. [A Socialite's Life]

Ever want to know more about the music you hear on television and movies? Drake Lelane’s blog covers the soundtrack of your life (because, if you’re like me, television and movies are your life). Check out what you heard on last week’s Grey’s Anatomy. [thus spake drake]

You can get Paris Hilton for $100,000 plus a private jet or Carmen Electra for the bargain price of $50,000. Paris Hilton and Carmen Electra’s people have been snooping around looking for hot parties for these “stars” to show up at. They are looking for venues in Miami, New York or Los Angeles. I’m not sure what this really includes. Do you get a free lapdance? Will they wow the crowd with their musical talents?

I really would go with Carmen because Paris doesn’t have a very good track record for showing up to events. When they opened Club Paris in Ontario she was 6 hours late to the party. 6 hours late? Carmen seems like more fun anyway. Part of me really hopes that one of them ends up at a New Year’s Eve Bar Mitzvah.

That’s hot.

I can’t hate you anymore. I can no longer despise your desperate and embarrassing pleas for attention and publicity. It takes too much energy. So I’ve decided to embrace you, and all the glorious Paris Hilton shit-talking that comes along with you.

The latest stop on Nick’s “Fuck Paris Hilton/Watch My TV Show” tour is Britain’s News of the World, where Carter states that Paris “was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drugs and drinks to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.”

He accuses Hilton of smuggling drugs overseas, stating that “if she was going overseas, she’d cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences.”

Continues Carter: “The only thing that made her happy was her own reflection. She spends so much time looking at herself in the mirror telling herself how gorgeous she is.”

Keep it up, Nick. We’re digging it now.