Our pals over at TMZ have taken it upon themselves to acquire a variety of “sources” over at Lynwood, and mostly I just wish I’d been in the room for the brainstorming session that resulted in the acquisition of those sources. How exactly does one go about collecting sources in a prison? Are they just talking to guards/wardens, or do they have actual prisoners on their payroll these days? If so, how did they get in touch with them? I mean, were they just swinging by during visiting hours to see who wanted to negotiate? Or were they looking through public records a month ago to find people who were going to be in jail around the same time as Paris? What if her location had changed at the last minute? Did they have back-up sources at nearby jails? This whole process fascinates me.

Regardless, all of TMZ’s sources agree that jail fucking sucks for Paris right now.

Paris has been crying on the phone, saying she’s not sleeping or eating. Paris says her cell is “freezing cold.” She has three little blankets and no pillow. She’s using one of the blankets as a pillow. The room is bright and jail noise echoes through her space.

Sleep isn’t the only problem. Paris says she has no appetite and has eaten almost nothing.

Inmates actually struck up a chant when Paris went back to her cell earlier today. As she walked by they struck up a chorus, “Paris! Paris! Paris!” We’re told she smiled and waved. Some inmates have been coming up to her cell door, mostly to say hi. One inmate said, “You don’t deserve to be here.” Another made an origami butterfly from a magazine page and slipped it under her door. Another slipped a drawing book under her door. The guards, Paris says, have all been nice.

It’s freezing cold in her tiny cell and she has to use a blanket as a pillow because there are no fucking pillows anywhere? Dude, I lived in Tokyo for a brief period of time, and that pretty much describes it. Anyway, welcome to the huddled masses, Paris.

You gotta admit, that’s a pretty good likeness from the people at Madame Tussauds. I think one thing that helps them is that Paris always has the same annoying smirk, whether for a mug shot or out on the town.

This may be why people don’t find her so authentic. Spend a few weeks working on that smile my liege!

Heh.

I wish we’d thought to do this first.

Paris Hilton’s lawyers released a statement from her just after she turned herself into authorities and went to jail, two days before she was required to.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. During the past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realize I made some mistakes. This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make. I want to thank my family, friends and fans for their continued support. Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence.

These are photos taken at the MTV Movie Awards red carpet, just hours before Paris Hilton surrendered to authorities and went to jail. There are no pics of Paris from the press room after the show, so she must have left before then.

Aw, what a shitty way to make your “final public appearance” before surrendering two days early to authorities and going to jail. Sarah Silverman opened the MTV Movie Awards with a monologue ripping Paris Hilton to shreds — with Paris in the audience. Listen to the crowd go wild while Paris sits there trying not to cry.

I’m actually bummed that MTV only showed a few brief shots of Par-Par during this. Someone over there has tape of her face throughout the entire monologue, and that’s what I wanna see. Come on, MTV!!! Release that tape!!!

There had been buzz that Paris was actually going to present an award last night, which may have been untrue — or Paris backed out after Silverman’s live diss.

While she had until June 5 to begin serving her sentence, Paris Hilton surrendered to the LA County Sheriff on Sunday night, just hours after appearing on the MTV Movie Awards. (I will hopefully have that clip up soon.)

Paris left the Movie Awards and headed to her parents’ house. Around 10:30 pm, she was then driven, with her mom, sister, and her lawyer, to Twin Towers jail in downtown LA, where she officially surrendered.

Apparently several paparazzi agencies had assumed Paris would turn herself in early and had been hanging out around Lynwood. The sheriff was concerned that having Paris surrender there would present a safety hazard, so they had her surrender at Twin Towers instead.

Paris was driven from Twin Towers to Lynwood, where she is currently serving her sentence.

Video of Paris leaving her parents’ house to go to Twin Towers is here via TMZ, who gets props for being the only agency who thought to stake out her rents’ house (or they followed her from the Movie Awards — either way, good play). I love how she leaves the house with the car windows down, so everyone can get a very good shot of her concerned face.

Paris is set to serve 23 days at Lynwood, although she will likely get out earlier than that.

Good luck, Paris.

Paris Hilton will have until Tuesday to start her stint in jail. Even though she is “being treated like any other prisoner” she will be separated from other inmates during her stay. According to a spokesperson for the jail,

Once [Paris] arrives, the ”Simple Life” star will be housed in the jail’s ‘’special needs” unit. Like other inmates in the special-needs area, Hilton will take her meals in her cell and will be allowed outside the 12-foot-by-8-foot space for at least an hour each day to shower, watch TV in the day room, participate in outdoor recreation or talk on the telephone.

Ok that doesn’t sound so bad. She gets to check out some TV, maybe jog around the yard. I bet she could deal with that for 24 days.
He goes on to say,

Inmates are not allowed to bring cell phones into the jail.

Oh my god! She is going to feel naked. Honestly without the ability to send mean spirited text messages and sexually suggestive photos to her friends via her Sidekick what will she do? Can she even read if they give her a book?
Not only will Paris be without her signature cell phone she also will be without her million dollar wardrobe and hair products. I really wish that she would have to be there for a bit longer. I would love to see what those extensions would do after a couple months with no conditioning. Not only do I not think she can read but I also question if anyone has ever taught her how to brush her own hair.

Besides a decidedly unglamorous orange jumpsuit, inmates are issued a standard-issue kit that includes: a toothbrush, tube of toothpaste, soap, a comb, deodorant, shampoo and shaving implements, along with a jail-issued pencil, stationery, envelopes and stamps.

She will probably be booted out of jail in about 3 days. Those jails are so overcrowded anyway that nobody ends up staying there for too long unless they kill someone.