TMZ is reporting this morning that Paris has been freed after only three days in the clink.

TMZ.com quoted what it called “unimpeachable sources” saying Hilton left the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California, early Thursday.

If these sources indeed can’t be peached then I’d say our long national nightmare is over.

**Update**

Paris Hilton has been fitted for ankle bracelet and put under house arrest, after authorities determined to release Hilton from prison due to medical reasons, this according to Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Dept. spokesperson Steve Whitmore.

Medical reasons!! So, she’ll be delivered back to the mansion where her servants can work her back into health. I bet this is due to her not eating. Now I totally know why the caged bird sings…

Thankfully, someone thought to mug at least one of them at knifepoint.

As if Paris and Nicky weren’t enough Hilton spawn for one planet, it turns out there are two other Hilton chidren, younger brothers Barron and Conrad, neither of whom are legally allowed to be in drinking establishments. I’ve actually been peripherally aware of the existence of these two for awhile, but, in the shadow of Paris and Nicky, it’s almost like they can’t possibly be real. Like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s older brother and younger sister; these people can’t actually exist. Until, you know, they get mugged at knifepoint.

WHILE PARIS Hilton was sneaking into prison in Los Angeles in the wee hours of Monday morning, her younger brother, Barron, was getting mugged at knifepoint near Penn Station.

Barron, who is tall and blond and believed to be 18, had shown up earlier at Stereo on West 29th Street with three male friends and two girls. “They were all underage and they hung around for a while trying to get in the club,” said an eyewitness.

“They were waiting outside Stereo. Eventually they all left together at around 4 a.m.

“An hour later, two security guards from Stereo were driving by Penn Station on their way home and they saw Barron and his friends. Then they saw two muggers confronting the group, and they all got out. One had a knife and was trying to get money out of the kids.

“One guy had Barron at knifepoint, and the guards got out and chased away the guy with the knife. The attackers didn’t get any money,” said the witness.

“Eventually Barron and his friends all piled into a cab.” The insider added that the guards recognized Barron because “he tries to get into Stereo all the time.”

Ha. Clearly he’s trying to follow in his sisters’ footsteps. I can’t wait.

Our pals over at TMZ have taken it upon themselves to acquire a variety of “sources” over at Lynwood, and mostly I just wish I’d been in the room for the brainstorming session that resulted in the acquisition of those sources. How exactly does one go about collecting sources in a prison? Are they just talking to guards/wardens, or do they have actual prisoners on their payroll these days? If so, how did they get in touch with them? I mean, were they just swinging by during visiting hours to see who wanted to negotiate? Or were they looking through public records a month ago to find people who were going to be in jail around the same time as Paris? What if her location had changed at the last minute? Did they have back-up sources at nearby jails? This whole process fascinates me.

Regardless, all of TMZ’s sources agree that jail fucking sucks for Paris right now.

Paris has been crying on the phone, saying she’s not sleeping or eating. Paris says her cell is “freezing cold.” She has three little blankets and no pillow. She’s using one of the blankets as a pillow. The room is bright and jail noise echoes through her space.

Sleep isn’t the only problem. Paris says she has no appetite and has eaten almost nothing.

Inmates actually struck up a chant when Paris went back to her cell earlier today. As she walked by they struck up a chorus, “Paris! Paris! Paris!” We’re told she smiled and waved. Some inmates have been coming up to her cell door, mostly to say hi. One inmate said, “You don’t deserve to be here.” Another made an origami butterfly from a magazine page and slipped it under her door. Another slipped a drawing book under her door. The guards, Paris says, have all been nice.

It’s freezing cold in her tiny cell and she has to use a blanket as a pillow because there are no fucking pillows anywhere? Dude, I lived in Tokyo for a brief period of time, and that pretty much describes it. Anyway, welcome to the huddled masses, Paris.

You gotta admit, that’s a pretty good likeness from the people at Madame Tussauds. I think one thing that helps them is that Paris always has the same annoying smirk, whether for a mug shot or out on the town.

This may be why people don’t find her so authentic. Spend a few weeks working on that smile my liege!

Heh.

I wish we’d thought to do this first.

Paris Hilton’s lawyers released a statement from her just after she turned herself into authorities and went to jail, two days before she was required to.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation. During the past few weeks, I have had a lot of time to think and have come to realize I made some mistakes. This is an important point in my life and I need to take responsibility for my actions. In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make. I want to thank my family, friends and fans for their continued support. Although I am scared, I am ready to begin my jail sentence.

These are photos taken at the MTV Movie Awards red carpet, just hours before Paris Hilton surrendered to authorities and went to jail. There are no pics of Paris from the press room after the show, so she must have left before then.

Aw, what a shitty way to make your “final public appearance” before surrendering two days early to authorities and going to jail. Sarah Silverman opened the MTV Movie Awards with a monologue ripping Paris Hilton to shreds — with Paris in the audience. Listen to the crowd go wild while Paris sits there trying not to cry.

I’m actually bummed that MTV only showed a few brief shots of Par-Par during this. Someone over there has tape of her face throughout the entire monologue, and that’s what I wanna see. Come on, MTV!!! Release that tape!!!

There had been buzz that Paris was actually going to present an award last night, which may have been untrue — or Paris backed out after Silverman’s live diss.