Get a backpack.

Paris Hilton’s lawyer had planned to file an appeal of Paris’s sentencing decision at 1:30 p.m. today, hoping to get another shot at keeping his client out of jail. However, this morning, her attorney’s office called the court and canceled the meeting. Later in the day, he formally filed a document with the court, abandoning the appeal.

Paris will not, however, serve the full 45 days to which she was originally sentenced. She’ll only do 23 days; the sentence was cut due to “good behavior.” Paris will also be in a special “celebrity cell,” and kept separate from the general population of the prison.

Although I’ve lived in L.A. for awhile now, I’ll always be an Arizona girl at heart, and I’ll always have a soft spot for “America’s Toughest Sheriff,” who made his inmates live in tents in the AZ summer heat, wear pink jumpsuits and eat meat he’d dyed green. But today I love Sheriff Joe even more than usual, because he’s offering AZ’s facilities to L.A. County, lest the overcrowding in L.A. mean Paris has to do less time than she was originally sentenced to do.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio says he’s spoken to the chief of jails in Los Angeles and offered to house Hilton at Tent City.

“I just made an offer,” Arpaio said. “Instead of reducing her sentence, which I feel is wrong, why not bring her over here? We can incarcerate her here. She can do her time over here.”

And according to the Maricopa County Sheriff’s department, the Los Angeles County Sheriff is considering the proposal.

“Oh, I’d love to have her here,” Arpaio said. “Just another celebrity. Not that I’m a publicity hound, but I’d imagine if I had her in these tents there’d be (publicity).”

Arpaio says that while that Los Angeles County is considering his offer, Hilton’s lawyers will probably object.

She’ll probably do anywhere from four to twenty-four days. Look here:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) — Paris Hilton may spend far fewer than 45 days in county jail for violating probation because of state policies and jail overcrowding, authorities said Thursday.

Ah yes, overcrowding. Stop going to jail Cali people! And shouldn’t they at least consider reserving a V.I.P. room like they do at fancy restaurants?

“It’s possible that it could be 21 days, 23 days. It’s a complicated formula that the state sets down. It’s possible that she could do less time,” (spokesman Steve) Whitmore told The Associated Press.

Um, how complicated are we talking here? I’m assuming we start with the 45 days. And then we divide it or something. Maybe we throw in how many other inmates are around contributing to the overcrowding.

Look, If I’m going to hunger strike while Paris is in the clink I need the exact number. Good God man.

Last year, “Lost” actress Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced to 60 days in jail for violating probation after her drunken driving arrest in Hawaii. She was released in hours because of overcrowding.

Holy Crap! Hours?? Exactly how good was her behavior? Did she knit something? Perhaps a gentle lullaby for a guard? Yipes.

I, for one, did not go to evil blog school to see Paris in jail for only a few hours.

She will not receive any favors because she is a celebrity, he added.

Of course she won’t. The fact that her daddy can donate millions of dollars to any political cause on a whim won’t help her at all. In fact, powerful people have always been treated the exact same way us us, so long as “exact same” means “completely opposite.” Can we run a pool on her exact jail time? Maybe dedicate a slam poetry post to the winner?

Paris Hilton has just released a statement through her brand spankin’ new DUI attorney, Richard Hutton (emphasis mine):

“After reading the media’s coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should — no matter how slightly.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.

No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse.”

Um, Par-Par, are you saying you’re ready to go to jail? I call bullshit.

Also, can we look at the last several sentences of that first paragraph?

I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should — no matter how slightly.

If your new lawyer wrote this, you might want to go back to the old one. To what, exactly, does “no one should” refer? No one should be able to live with you, Paris? I agree. No one should realize how serious driving under the influence is? Oh, oh, do you mean that no one should be injured or killed while you’re driving impaired? Hm. You’re fucking this up already, Dick Hutton …

In a last-ditch attempt to keep her ass out of jail, Paris Hilton may be bringing yet another lawyer onto her team, celeb DUI lawyer Richard Hutton. Paris met with him yesterday, and was caught on video sobbing in a car as her mother tried to console her. This video is so, so staged. She’s an awful actress. This car has tinted windows. Why were they rolled all the way down? So that the paparazzi could get this video and everyone can see just how hard this is for Paris. Yeah, right.

Paris is so damn concerned about this DUI arrest that she is driving a car again. Please remember, people, her license is still suspended, and driving on a suspended license is why she’s sentenced to jail. And yet, inexplicably, she decided to take her Bentley out for a little spin yesterday. Argh. Whatever happened to public stonings? They fell out of fashion in the U.S. for some reason, and I think now is an appropriate time to bring them back. Who’s with me?

Paris. Hilton. Is Fucking. Goddamn. Driving.

The soon-to-be jail bird was snapped driving her £100,000 blue Bentley convertible less than a week after being handed a 45 day jail term.

The 26-year-old was given the sentence for breaking the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Despite having her licence suspended, Paris was followed by photographers as she lost her way in LA, finishing up in a dead-end even after reading print-out directions.

Photographers also reported she pulled three u-turns in a search for her final destination.

Oh my God. My head hurts. I can’t talk about this right now.