Big, huge, enormous props to Celebslam for tracking down this photo of Sheriff Baca.

The Sheriff was grilled once again about why he decided Paris needed to leave jail after like 10 minutes, and he was like, “Our doctors said we had no solution to Hilton’s medical problems. None. As a sheriff in this county, I’m not going to let any inmate die in this jail.”

Jesus Christ, what did she have? The plague?

Even Paris was all like, “The doctors were observing me while I was there. They explained to Sheriff [Lee] Baca that they thought I was having severe anxiety, panic attacks, claustrophobia.”

Baca went on to say that “everyone who goes in to serve county jail time is early released. If Ms. Hilton got preferential treatment, it’s that she spent more time in the county jail than the average inmate.”

I think that if Paris had been released with that sort of statement, there would probably have been less backlash. If the Sheriff had just been, like, “Look, this is pretty routine. Paris is a low-risk, non-violent offender, and it doesn’t make any economic sense to keep her here when we have high-risk, violent felons who need cages, so we’re releasing her early and putting her on house arrest, like we do in all of these cases,” people may have been less outraged. I know I would have. It probably would have helped me be a little less outraged if the Hiltons hadn’t contributed to Baca’s most recent campaign, but that’s a different story.

So what has Paris been up to since her release from jail early Tuesday morning?

Perhaps not surprisingly, she’s been playing dress-up. After sporting a $440 Petro Zillia jacket and $300 Marcella Toshi heels during her catwalk to freedom, Paris had a 9:30 am hair appointment where she got new hair extensions put in. Immediately after, she sat down for an exclusive photo shoot and interview with People magazine.

In the interview, Paris talks about her difficult first nights in jail. “I was basically in the fetal position, basically in hysterics. All of the inmates were very supportive. There were girls next to me. We could talk through the vents and they were just really sweet.”

While People has Paris on their cover, US Weekly is both retaliating at Hilton and scoring some smart PR for themselves by blacking out Paris Hilton coverage in this week’s issue. “The staff and I felt what I believe a lot of people in America are feeling. Which is just enormous Paris fatigue,” said editor Janice Min. “I don’t think we even mention the city of Paris.”

Paris will appear on Larry King Live tonight to do her first televised interview since leaving jail.

Now that she’s out of jail, Paris Hilton isn’t wasting any time before creating her transitional home for underprivileged female inmates getting her hair done. US is reporting that Miss Hilton had a hair appointment for 9:30 am today with DreamCatchers hair extensions. How long? “Full length, 20 inches of extensions….blonde, of course.”

She’s back, kids.

Update: HA! I should note that DreamCatchers hair extensions is Paris’ own brand, which explains the obvious name-dropping in the article. Also, one would think I’d have known this originally, as my Google search for “dream catchers hair extensions” results in an article I wrote as the third result. Seriously, someone should consider paying me a lot of money to do this professionally.

No matter how much her jail stay changed Paris, it officially had no impact on her eye color. BuzzFoto just released this pic of Paris leaving jail, which I think is probably the best I’ve seen so far, and I realized while looking at the high-def version that she’s wearing her blue contacts. I think she might also be wearing false eyelashes, but I’m not sure about that. I’ve included the high-def version of her eyes here so you guys can weigh in.

The countdown’s on! While I was certainly among the ranks of those folks rooting for Paris to do some hard time, I have to admit that it’s been boring as hell in the gossip world since she’s been locked up. I mean, it hasn’t helped that Lindsay’s been in rehab at the same time, but, still, I’m kind of looking forward to a free Paris. Miss Hilton is scheduled to rejoin society sometime after midnight tonight, and she claims she’s a changed woman.

In a recent telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest, Paris announced that she plans to build a “transitional home” for women who don’t have a four-bedroom Hollywood Hills pad to return to after their jail stay. “These women just keep coming back because they have no place to go,” she said. Paris hopes the home will be “a place to get food and clothes on their backs,” and notes that this is “a really bad cycle and if we stop it now, we can make our community a better place.”

Paris continues to say that her “gratitude has gone up so much and I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it.” Really, Paris? It took a jail stay for you to put that jigsaw together? Because there were a couple of clues before all this. I mean, we weren’t running photos of your vagina because we felt you were a likely Presidential candidate.

Paris’s first post-jail interview will be with Larry King on CNN (and the actual interview will be unpaid, although it’s likely CNN will pay licensing fees for the use of Hilton’s private photos and videos), after it seems ABC, NBC and CBS got frustrated when the behind-the-scenes negotiations were made public. For her part, Barbara Walters at ABC said she chose not to do the interview because she felt it was “tawdry. The whole thing somehow was beneath me. Besides, it was a no-win. If I did a tough piece and her tears started to flow, it would be, ‘Oh, there’s Barbara Walters making people cry again.’ Too soft, and I’d be criticized.”

Either way, folks, life gets interesting again tomorrow.

It looks like Paris Hilton’s first post-jail interview will take place on NBC’s Today Show, with Meredith Viera. The move has infuriated top brass at ABC, who’d assumed the interview would go to Hilton family friend Barbara Walters.

ABC was the front-runner until NBC Universal boss Jeff Zucker personally called Hilton’s father Rick and made the pitch, the sources said.

Hilton agreed to the interview, but said she’d only speak with Vieira because of “disparaging” remarks her co-host Matt Lauer made about her.

Paris’ price tag for the interview? A cool one million. Hell, I’ll do three weeks at Lynwood for a million bucks. Where do I sign up?

Paris Hilton made a special gift for her visiting dad Sunday – a Father’s Day card.

Oh joy, oh bliss, this is going to be a fun one to start off our Monday. My 6th grade writing teacher told me “write what you know” and I know making fun of Paris. Let’s do this.

On their way in (to visit Paris), Rick was asked if this was a particularly hard Father’s Day. “It’s not ideally my best,” he replied. Asked how he felt, he said: “I feel alright.”

I hope that’s not a real quote because “It’s not ideally my best” doesn’t make any sense. “It’s not ideal” or “It’s a hard Father’s day” or “This isn’t the best time” all work, but what he said is a bit like saying “It’s not wonderfully my great.” But wait, there’s more.

[Paris] made [Rick] a beautiful Father’s Day card with his picture.”

I smell a rat. How did she get his picture? Also, I’ve found that when making cards for mom and dad it’s best to keep it simple. Just throw the coupons in there for free yard work or doing the dishes and call it good. A picture on the card? What is this, the future?

Before they got into their car, Kathy was asked what her daughter was doing to pass the time. She quipped: “She looks at the four walls, and reads some nice fan mail.”

Is that a “quip?” Can I get a ruling here? I think People is trying to use their words but that comment was closer to a “remark.”

Also, Paris, Why not get some books? I could do ten years in the joint if I had books. I’m not even kidding on that. And how long does the fan mail portion take? Six minutes? Oh wait, as she has to sound out the pop up book part we’re probably looking at an hour to get through it. Hopefully they’ve put her picture on the cards.

That’s last sentence is called a “callback” and in the hands of a lesser blog it would feel dirty. Here it’s pleasurable. Welcome to the week my lovelies.

I know Beet did her best to frighten everyone that we’d all be without Friday entertainment. But we won’t. Because Spiteful Lars is on the case, and I plan on posting like a dervish. I’m talking hot blogging action here, stuff you won’t find on all those other blogs. So let’s start you off with the first story of the day:

Kathy Hilton and daughter Nicky are still reeling from their visits to Paris in jail, they tell PEOPLE.

Smell that? Yep, it’s Paris news, people. And here you thought it was Sulfur mixed with Poo.

“It’s tough. It is,” said Kathy, who saw her daughter on Tuesday. “It’s just one hour a week: 30 minutes on Sunday and 30 minutes on Tuesday. We talk through glass.”

The Sunday/Tuesday thing throws me and makes me think that the jail system doesn’t understand there are seven days in a week. Guys, how about a little Sunday/Wednesday schedule? That way Paris won’t have to go four straight days without some “through glass” loving.

“And this one” – gesturing to Nicky – “left in hysterics,” Kathy added. “Nicky tried to keep the brave face but – I never see Nicky cry.”

Clearly she’s never seen The Notebook with one Ryan Gosling. It’s a horrible movie but girls seem to cry in it. C’mon, Nick, get in touch with that old sensitive side. Nicky added:

“It’s sad. It’s like right out of the movies,” she said. “The glass partition, the orange jumpsuit. Everything.”

So we’ve established that you at least see movies. It’s under “N” in the drama section. Fetch, girl, fetch. Also, please note that the above photo was taken after this traumatic experience. Ahem.

“What’s annoying is all these people are going on television saying that she was drinking and driving,” said Nicky. “She’s not in jail for DUI. That’s a big misconception. She’s in jail for driving on a suspended license, just like the D.A.’s wife was. … She got a $186 fine.”

Well.. I don’t know about that. Isn’t the root of all this the DUI? So if she hadn’t gotten that her license wouldn’t have been suspended ergo she’d still be strolling around Sunset Ave looking for johns? It’s like the butterfly effect theory in action. To take this back even further I blame her being born. You’ve got to admit she wouldn’t be in jail if she didn’t exist in the first place.

“There are no appeals – as Paris said. But the point is that I hope this will shine a light on everybody (in those jails). That’s the positive,” said Kathy. The jails, she said, “need financial help, and it’s very sad to see what’s going on in there.”

You have a billion dollars. Be a buddy and build the Paris Hilton L.A. County Jail. It will be hot!

PS- I won’t be using any “more” jump buttons today because I need to break at least one posting rule while Evil Beet is away.

PPS - Feel free to drunk dial me Beet’s friends, I’m great on the phone. It’s real life that sinks me.