Our paparazzi pals over at Buzz Foto send over these shots of Paris decabbing at her Hollywood Hills home, which they took at five o’clock this morning. Paris looks less than sober, but, hey, at least she wasn’t driving.

It would be nice if she could just pretend to make good on any of those promises she made about, you know, giving back to society in any substantive way whatsoever. Just go through the motions, Par. Just for a month. Is that really so much to ask?

It seems the psychological wounds of her brief jail stay cut deeper into Paris Hilton’s soul than we’d been led to believe; the traumatizing experience has left the heiress so angry, hopeless and ungrounded that she’s resorted to using drugs for the very first time in her life.

According to this item in Page Six:

PARIS Hilton seems to be up to her old tricks again. Although she told Larry King she’d never done drugs, the newly spiritual heirhead emerged from an SUV in front of Hollywood club Teddy’s the other night in what witnesses describe as a cloud of marijuana smoke. “She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face,” one clubgoer told us. At least she wasn’t driving.

You guys, I think we need to take a good, hard look at ourselves. I know we all wanted to see Paris do some hard time. I know it was good for a laugh. I know it sold a lot of magazines. But did we ever once think that the justice system’s totally warranted actions could lead a virgin with a lifetime of sobriety into the dirty underbelly of Hollywood’s marijuana subculture? What have we done?

Apparently Paris Hilton’s new image make-over involves her spending her time seeing Very Important Movies. Even though Fantastic Four and Evan Almighty are playing at The Grove, Paris instead chose to spend her time there seeing Michael Moore’s healthcare documentary, Sicko.

Mostly, though, I like this picture because the security guard appears to be taking his job so very seriously. If there’s something this world sorely lacks, it’s mall security guards who are willing to throw their own bodies in between celebrities and the paparazzi.

It is such a slow news day that the L.A. Times ran a piece on the young lady who inherited Paris Hilton’s most recently discarded cellular telephone number.

Shira Barlow had her new cellphone number for only two days when the flood of calls began.

Birthday wishes, inquiries about locations for “in” parties, requests to get on guest lists at the hottest Los Angeles nightclubs.

Most of the calls were placed between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Some were annoying. Many involved slurred words.

So what sort of juicy details do you learn when you’re the possessor of Paris Hilton’s old phone number? Nothing, really, because anyone who Paris actually gives a shit about already had her new number. Instead, you’re primarily hearing from hangers-on and brown-nosers.

Barlow was at her internship at a Westside production company May 4 when Hilton was sentenced to jail.

In short order, calls and texts that previously inquired about parties and nightclubs were replaced by dozens expressing their condolences.

“People were scared for her,” Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail, even during her brief release to home detention.

But with Hilton now free again, a new crop of communiques is flooding Barlow’s telephone.

There was Hilton’s former bodyguard who sent his love.

A girlfriend called to commiserate and lend support. Barlow told the caller she had received good wishes from dozens of people.

Text messages also expressed love. “It’s disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything,” one wrote. Said another: “I’m so proud of you.”

“I hope you’re enjoying Maui,” one of the messages read Wednesday.

Ms. Barlow took it upon herself to text some of those people back with “thanks so much,” because she thought Paris would appreciate it.

Of course after Paris Hilton lied to Larry King and told him that she has never done drugs nor has a drinking problem (which is when both the Beet and I gave up on caring about her interview) various websites have come up with photos and videos of the formerly jailed heiress doing many illegal drugs.

Paris. When something is on the internet it kind of gets around. Sort of like you.

The Smoking Gun is on the case and boy to they have some awesome video.

* Paris Hilton saying that she is smoking weed and eating old burgers

* Paris Hilton trying to score “ludes” off some lovely man named Jose who Paris says is “like a pharmacy.”

* Paris outside the Mushroom Gallery of Amsterdam buying and eating shrooms with her former boyfriend Jason Shaw.

* Paris once again in Amsterdam smoking hash from a pipe in Amsterdam and attempting to figure out how to get quality weed back to the US.

* Nicky actually saying to her sister “Do you have herb?” and then going outside with Hilton and friends to toke up. I’m sorry but in all of the times I was around weed nobody called it herb except for serious stoners.

* Paris once again in Amsterdam taking hits off a bong.

I have to say that I “heart” The Smoking Gun. They were one of my first websites to waste time with when I was at my part time office job in college. Simply put…Paris you dumbass don’t say you don’t or haven’t done drugs when you have taped yourself doing them.

For videos of Paris doing drugs click [here]

The transcript of Paris on Larry is now available. I’ve selected my favorite part to share with you all:

KING: Have you ever been addicted to drugs?

HILTON: No.

KING: Taken drugs.

HILTON: No.

KING: Never taken drugs?

HILTON: No.

KING: Do you know that the organization MADD has had a tough time with you, Mothers Against Drunk Driving?

HILTON: Yes.

KING: Feeling that you’ve set a kind of bad example. What are your feelings toward them? Do you plan to work with them?

HILTON: Yeah, I’d love to work with them and I think me, by doing my sentence and doing my time, I have served as a bit of an example and I want to continue to do so.

KING: Do you have a drinking problem?

HILTON: No. Not at all.

KING: You must have had — just this one drink this one time?

HILTON: I’m just — I’m not a big drinker. I’m not really into it. I think socially people do sometimes when they go out but it’s not something that I really care about.

Full transcript after the jump.

(more…)

I know we’re not talking about it… but did anyone catch the cold shoulder LL got from our gal?

Larry King asked about Lohan and Paris said curtly “I know her.” Then, Larry King asked if Paris would visit a friend in rehab and Paris responded “I don’t have any friends in rehab.” Yikes. You hate to see friendships sour. Luckily Paris still has much love for B-Spears.

Lastly, the funniest comment of the night was Larry King’s outro: “Thanks for joining us Paris. Tomorrow night, former Secretary of State Colin Powell is on the show.” Frankly, I don’t know how Larry made that transition without killing one of his producers.

Honestly, after she said that, I stopped caring about this interview.

It’s not that I expect Larry King to play hardball with her, but that was just a blatant lie that I can’t believe Larry let her get away with.

She was asked several times by Larry if she’d ever done drugs. “No,” she responded. When pressed, Paris stuck to her story. She didn’t hesitate a bit.

Really, Paris? Never? You’re quite sure about that?

She also told Larry she rarely drinks, and blames her “social life” on the fact that she’s an Aquarius.