Paris Hilton hosted a Halloween party last night at her home in Mulholland Estates. Both she AND boyfriend Doug Reinhardt dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, which I don’t get. Wouldn’t a Dorothy/Scarecrow, Dorothy/Toto, Dorothy/Tin Man combo have been better than two Dorothys? Or, if you’re trying to be creative, Dorothy/Toto (the band)? I think Reinhardt just wanted to finally wear those size 16 satin pink pumps of his out in public and used this as an excuse. (See more pics in the gallery.)

The party hit the skids when traffic backed up so badly that none of her guests could get into her driveway. That’s not a sexual euphemism. (Since we’re talking about Paris, I thought I should clarify.)

I want you to look at Paris Hilton’s breasts here and I want you to tell me them that they are real. I want you to look me in the face and do it so I can call you a liar. Look at them! There is no way that that’s the handy work of a push up bra. She didn’t have that much to push up. Are we to forget that we’ve seen her naked? These photos are by far the most proof I’ve seen of her rumored boob job. At one point Paris Hilton was a major advocate of tiny chests and I loved her for it because, well, I look like a twelve year old boy with my shirt off, but she’s quite clearly changed her stance on the issue of breast augmentation. She looks like her boyfriend’s sister now.

Rachel J. Lee, a 19 year old from Calabasas, CA, along with several of her girlfriends, has been arrested for breaking in to and then looting the closets of several celebrity homes in the past year. Lindsay Lohan, Audrina Patridge, Paris Hilton , Orlando Bloom and Kourtney Kardashian have all had similar break-ins occur at their houses– there were no electronics stolen (which is usually the first thing a burglar would grab), mainly clothing, jewelry and handbags. Not exactly the most lucrative loot jobs, basically.

This isn’t the first time Lee’s been motivated to break the law for vanity sake either. A couple years ago she was caught shoplifting from Sephora. OK, so that’s a little different than finding someone’s home via star maps and the internet and then checking their appearance schedule to best guess what time they’d be out of the house and then breaking in and stealing all their clothes, but there’s a theme here. Also, it probably doesn’t do Rachel a whole lot of good that she’s high school pals with the man formally charged with the Lohan and Patridge burglaries.

It kinda makes me sad to think about these girls so desperate to dress like a celebrity that they actually steal their clothing. The materialism disgusts me. What’s wrong with some $24 shoes from T.J. Maxx and a Hanes v-neck and the jeans with the tiny hole ripped in the ass because you’ve had them for so long? These girls are 18 and 19 years old, they should be running around topless, celebrating their young bodies and free minds. But no! They’re taking the easy way out and breaking in to multi-million dollar homes owned by celebrities they admire and stealing their t-shirts and headbands. Teenagers are so bad these days, you guys. I can’t handle it. They should be at the beach.

This is a clip of Paris Hilton’s guest appearance on Supernatural Thursday night. I didn’t watch the show, but I did hear that she is playing “a demon who feeds on the disorienting power of celebrity.” So, ya know, she’s playing herself, and yet somehow the performance is stilted and awkward anyway.

ZOMG so exciting. I mean the opposite of that, of course, but the photo agency is VERY EXCITED about this Paris Hilton camel toe. Paris went out shopping in tight, blue, zipper leggings that no one should be wearing in the first place, and it serves her right that now everyone is going to talk about her vagina for a day.

Paris Hilton couldn’t keep her eyes off of her prizes after dinner with her boyfriend Douglas Reinhardt last night. The normally flat-chested celebretard seemed to be packing much more up top than usual and while normally these things can be attributed to a really good push-up bra, I’m wondering if Paris even had enough to push up before. Unless she’s just discovered the wonders of a good Wonderbra, homegirl most likely just bought herself a new pair of breasticles. It makes sense, too. Paris has been receiving noticeably less press lately and obvious plastic surgery is a classic move celebs use to garner attention. While it’s not exactly clear if that’s what she did, I wouldn’t put it past the girl made famous for a sex tape.

Paris appeared at the Venice Film Festival this weekend with her on-again boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt.  Doug was looking very two-dimensional and was airbrushed within an inch of his life.

There were a few other notables there, but I’m willing to bet attendance was down at this year’s festival.  Damn economy.  I’m really, really hoping Eva Mendes hasn’t fallen off the wagon since her rehab stint, but ahhh … well, you can judge for yourself.  Mel Brown was looking very pink and Matt Damon was looking very goofy.  Nicolas Cage — don’t you love it when people get all familiar with him and refer to him as “Nick?” — and a very androgynous looking Tilda Swinton were there as well.

Here’s a sampler of some songs that you’ll find on Paris Hilton’s newest CD. Who can resist songs with names such as “Platinum Blonde,” “Girl Tax,” and “Jailhouse Baby”?  Clearly an autobiographical project.

Now, I consider myself fairly adept at Internet research, but I can’t find a release date for this gem.  Of course, that could be because I can only handle small doses of Paris Hilton links in general.  I know she was struggling to find a record label who would pick up her sophomore (sophomoric?) effort.  Did this happen?

If you’re anything like me, you wake up every morning lately, scan the news headlines, and ask yourself, “Why isn’t Paris Hilton’s name anywhere on here?” Paris has been laying conspicuously low these days, and now perhaps we know why: She’s reconciled with Douche Reinhardt, and she’s probably a little embarrassed about it. I mean, there were practically parades in the streets when they split — everyone hates that guy — but apparently Paris has had trouble finding another Z-lister to worship at her feet.

“They are definitely happy again,” a source tells Us Weekly.

On Monday, The Douche posted on Twitter: “What an amazing weekend with my beautiful girlfriend. I love her so much!” The day before that, he wrote: “Laying in bed watching SportsCenter with my girl.”

Oh, Paris. You’re just gonna break the poor guy’s heart again. And, frankly, you’re breaking mine — do we really need this guy in the spotlight again? JON GOSSELIN IS SINGLE. Please, Paris. I’ve never asked you for anything before. I’ve watched you find some way to insert yourself into the media topic du jour for years and years. And yet all I want in the whole world is for you to get involved with the Jon Gosselin story, and instead you head back to Douche, when you could be front-page headlines for weeks if you’d just spend one night hanging on Jon Gosselin. Stop acting so damn grown-up, Paris. It’s not like you.

Oh, man. This is exactly what I was dreading. Pretty much since Paris Jackson was born, I was all like, “Please God, say she wasn’t named after Paris Hilton?”

But no.

Paris spent Wednesday night at the LA premiere of her new MTV documentary, Paris Not France, and had this to say to the reporter from Extra:

“My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13,” Paris explains. “So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she’s such a beautiful little girl and I’m proud we have the same name.”

Oh, and for what it’s worth, the only celebs at this premiere were Paris, Nicky and the Hilton ‘rents. Not sure if that’s ‘cuz no one else was invited or ‘cuz no one else came, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Chief U.S. District Judge Federico Moreno: What does that mean?

Paris Hilton: Paris Hilton’s My New Best Friend Forever

Chief U.S. District Judge Federico Moreno: This will be my best case forever.

Paris Hilton: You’re my best judge forever.

Yes, this is a conversation that actually took place in a courtroom. Paris Hilton was defending herself against an $8 million lawsuit’s claim that she didn’t do her part to promote the 2006 box-office bomb Pledge This! I guess her new show’s title came up, and it confused the judge.

Basically, when you read the whole article about her testimony, it sounds like the judge was flirting with her and she was flirting right back. She wore six-inch stiletto heels to the courtroom and “amused the judge with a little wave on the way to the witness stand.”

Damn. If I were the prosecution, I’d ask for a mistrial.

Paris Hilton appeared in a Miami courtroom yesterday to testify in a civil lawsuit that was filed against her by the investors of the movie Pledge This.  They claim that Paris didn’t do enough to promote the pic — she was the executive producer even though she was unaware of what that meant – and are seeking $8M.

Didn’t the court reporter do a great rendering of our gal Paris?  More actual pics in the gallery of Paris working it in the court’s parking lot.