Word on the street is that Pamela Anderson has a new man — and he’s royalty.

He’s from the United Arab Emirates, and he’s apparently a member of of Abu Dhabi’s royal family.

Pamela calls him her “Milk-Sheik,” because she’s a moron like that, and won’t tell anyone except her very closest friends what his real name is. She met him when she traveled to Abu Dhabi in June with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Most recently, the couple were spotted hanging out with friends this weekend at the Abbey, a gay bar in West Hollywood. “He’s very handsome,” says a source.

I wanted to post a family photo of the Abu Dhabi royal family so that we could all guess which one Pam was porking, but they’re not exactly on Facebook, you know? Anyone know where I can find pics of this clan?

I haven’t been following this story too closely, but apparently Pam Anderson is living in the Big Brother: Australia house as their celebrity roommate, and the Big Brother house is supported by KFC, which treats chickens badly, and everyone was all like “OMG! How un-PETA of her!” So now she’s all bombarding the KFC offices in Australia to tell them to be nicer to chickens.

Whatever.

I like the nerdy dude with the glasses standing next to her. This guy doesn’t care about chickens at all. He’s just pretending to care about chickens so he can be like “Hey! I’m standing next to Pamela Anderson!” He probably tortures chickens when he’s at home alone. And by “tortures” I mean he dresses them up like Pamela Anderson and then licks them. Pam’s shorts look like enough torture. I feel like I should bombard the Big Brother house with a sign that says “Pamela: Stop Labia Abuse!”

Oooooooooof course.

These two are like the Ross & Rachel of the real world.

Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee are reportedly living together again.

Pamela and the kids have moved in with me,” Tommy tells Rolling Stone. “It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together … We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”

Note: I know this photo includes Courtney Love, and Courtney Love has nothing to do with this story. But I found it while searching for photos of Pam and Tommy — it’s from 2005 — and I just thought it was funny as all hell.

Pamela Anderson is in DC for the White House Press Correspondents Association Dinner (why was I not invited???), and she decided to make a stop on Capitol Hill and hand-deliver a PETA report on outdated animal tests performed by the U.S. government to the Department of Health and Human Services.

I think what the report indicates is that there are safer, less cruel ways to test products on animals, but the government insists on using older methods anyway.

The guy she’s with is totally gay an SVP at PETA.

I just got done talking about how Linda Evangelista is aging gracefully and beautifully, and I come across these pictures of Pamela Anderson, showing up at her sons’ baseball game in Malibu in what appears to be her underwear. I think I own a G-string with more coverage. Oh, I’m totally kidding. I don’t own any G-strings. I don’t understand the appeal. I don’t get girls who are like “Oh, G-strings are so much more comfortable!” Really? How can you say that? They go up your ass crack! Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a girl say that when there wasn’t a guy around. I think chicks just say that to get men all worked up. When I want to get a guy all worked up, I don’t have to lie about my preferences in underwear. I’m just like, “Hey, wanna fuck later?” and it usually does the trick. But I digress.

Look, I give Pamela Anderson shit for dressing like a whore, but, when it’s on the red carpet, or at a Playboy event or something, it’s like, okay, Pam, I get it. This is your career. This is your schtick. It’s your income, and you want to hang on to it. Fine.

But at your sons’ baseball game?

Like, who exactly are you trying to give a boner to, Pamela? The fucking 10-year-olds on the field? Or their married fathers? Or is your next marriage going to be to a Little League coach? Or, better yet, a Little League referee? Think about it. Dressing like that for a kids’ baseball game is about as close to bona fide insanity as you get without conversing with armchairs. Jesus, Pam, you wonder why your relationships don’t work out …

[Image via Splash]

The Playboy magnate turns a whopping 82 years old today.

And he got an early birthday present from Pamela Anderson. When Hef and Holly entered their penthouse at the Palms, they were greeted by Pam, who was butt-ass naked except for a pair of high heels, and holding a cake.

“Pam wasn’t paid to do it, she just wanted to show her love for Hef,” says a source.

Um, okay, but between Girls Next Door and Pam’s upcoming reality TV show, how many video cameras do you think were there to capture this sweet, private moment and use it in promos?

Yeah.

Despite denial after denial, it appears E! will be moving forward with the Pamela Anderson reality TV show, titled, amazingly, Pamela.

However: Unlike every other reality TV show out there, Pamela’s show WILL NOT feature her children.

Hooray!

Okay, I mentioned awhile back that I ran into some trouble with the Kardashians. I still can’t tell you guys the whole story, but I’ll tell you this part: I received a call from one of their representatives. Apparently somebody had posted Kylie and Kendall Jenner’s correct cell phone number under an article about them on Evil Beet. Kris Jenner was very upset. The girls were getting phone calls in the middle of the night. The rep was also furious because some of my commenters had posted sexual and/or rude things about the girls. And, basically, he was like “What the fuck are you doing writing about pre-teen girls on your website?” And my response was basically like “Well what the fuck are you doing featuring pre-teen girls on your TV show?” Like, if you don’t want your small children in the public eye, and dealing with all the crap that comes along with it, don’t put them on TV. The photos I ran of Kylie and Kendall were taken at a press event, not on the school playground. If you don’t want their photos on the Internet, don’t have them pose for paparazzi at press events.

I did agree to take down the girls’ phone number, so don’t go looking for it, but the story continues from there. I’ll tell you the rest some other time.

Also: Thank you all soooo much for your comments and emails about Charlie. I can’t tell you how much it means to me. He made it through the night, and is showing small signs of improvement today, but is still very ill and not at all out of the woods. So please keep sending him love and healthy vibes!!! I love you guys so much for all your support.