Could Pamela Anderson have found the man she wants to spend the next moon phase with?  She was spotted this weekend on a Malibu beach frolicking with her new mystery man and a wedgie.

Pam has lots going on this year and continues to wow me with both her beauty and brains.  Not only is she in great shape and hoping to make her fourteenth appearance in Playboy this year, but in her continued work on behalf of PETA, she has explained animal population to authorities in India by informing them that “Dogs don’t wear condoms.”  Apparently, she’s never had sex with my ex-boyfriend.

I’m all about any convenience that makes my life easier.  Schedules are tough in my house and I am all about quality of the time I spend with my family.  I sometimes get my groceries delivered and I totally believe in full-serve gas stations.  But there is a line that must be drawn.  For me, that line is drawn at Lunchables and Uncrustables.  It’s never okay to defrost a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Okay?  Never.  However, Pamela Anderson?  She’s totally willing to take it further.  Like…not wearing pants.  Or showering.  Or looking in a mirror.  By eliminating normal grooming, she has freed up valuable minutes in her day.  Apparently to do drugs by the looks of it.  My personal favorite pic?  Her looking at Paris like “What the fuck do you have on?”

Pamela Anderson at the Art Basel Miami Beach show last night.

I’m starting to question the existence of network executive brain matter.  The Molly Shannon and Selma Blair comedy Kath & Kim premiered with 7.5 million viewers on October 9th.  One month later, 5.1 million viewers.  They are obviously in big trouble.  So NBC has done the only logical thing.  They signed Pamela Anderson for a guest role and ordered up a full season of new episodes.  I get that tits are popular but are they two and a half million viewers popular?  With all the porn available on the net, I just can’t envision masses of viewers racing to their sets because Pamela Anderson Lee Ritchie Salomon is on TV.  Miracles do happen and maybe Our Sister of Silicone can save the day.  But I doubt it.

Perhaps I’m just feeling a little bitter over NBC’s axing of Las Vegas.  Still.

First Aubrey O’Day, now Pam Anderson.

Everyone’s getting all kissy-face with their doggies!

Here’s Pamela Anderson and a “mystery man” at the Vivienne Westwood show at London Fashion Week.

Seriously this bitch is smoking so much crack these days.

You guys may think I’m kidding, but I’m not. Pam has been out of her head high in every single photo I’ve seen of her in the past couple of weeks. She’s losing her shit, and fast.

Rehab. Soon. Count on it.

Pamela Anderson was in Rome to promote Pam: Girl on the Loose (”Spirito Libero!”) and the normally photogenic Pammy can’t seem to hold still for a single decent shot on the red carpet. This happens every now and then with Pam. You know, when she’s high.

God, she looks worked.

They should just skip the bullshit and call this show Pam: Loose Girl.

Word on the street is that Pamela Anderson has a new man — and he’s royalty.

He’s from the United Arab Emirates, and he’s apparently a member of of Abu Dhabi’s royal family.

Pamela calls him her “Milk-Sheik,” because she’s a moron like that, and won’t tell anyone except her very closest friends what his real name is. She met him when she traveled to Abu Dhabi in June with the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Most recently, the couple were spotted hanging out with friends this weekend at the Abbey, a gay bar in West Hollywood. “He’s very handsome,” says a source.

I wanted to post a family photo of the Abu Dhabi royal family so that we could all guess which one Pam was porking, but they’re not exactly on Facebook, you know? Anyone know where I can find pics of this clan?