Pamela Anderson has been hanging out (lit.er.ally) in her trailer that is currently a home that she shares with her sons Brandon and Dylan.  She claims that she isn’t poor, she likes living in her double-wide whilst construction carries on at her main residence in Malibu.

Her little darlings, spawn created with the sperm of Tommy Lee, appear to be following in their dad’s footsteps.  And Pam’s reaction to it all doesn’t sound strong enough to keep them from going down the same path as Lee.

The former Baywatch star is currently living in a beachside trailer with Brandon, 13, and Dylan, 11 – her kids with wildman rocker Tommy Lee – while their nearby home in Malibu, California is being renovated. And Anderson’s boys are so much trouble she now worries about scheduling workcommitments out of town and leaving her mom, Carol, to look after her sons – because they’re beginning to take after their rock star father. She says, “Boy, they’re so feisty. When I get home and I’m not home for a couple days, they gotta be put back in their bodies immediately.

“They got in trouble because my children are riding their dirt bikes through the whole trailer park, going crazy, doing flips – and everyone’s concerned for their safety. And mom’s like, ‘Oh, they’ve been riding the whole weekend, they’re having a blast!’ I was like, ‘They’re not allowed to ride their dirt bikes in the trailer park!’ They terrorize the neighborhood the whole time.”

She adds, “My son got in trouble at school for beating somebody up. Well, not really beating somebody up. Just one of the counsellors, who’s 18 or 19, made a rude comment about me to him. Brandon threw his Red Bull (drink) on him and then went after him and they had to peel him off him. Now I’m getting called into school.

“But I think when somebody says something bad about your mother, what are you supposed to do? It is hard when other kids are like, ‘I’ve seen your mom with her clothes off!’ I’ve tried to teach my kids I have no problem with nudity. Violence isn’t good but Brandon was really upset, he was shaking and crying and looking in my eyes. It’s so sad.”

Well, shit.  I’m no Dr. Phil, but I do have one suggestion on how she could help her kids.  Uh … put some underwear on?  That would help her kids and the entire nation, really.

Pamela Anderson stepped out in London yesterday with what appears to be a baby bump. Normally I don’t buy in to baby bump madness because it can usually just be attributed to a big meal and a small dress, but I dunno about this one. I’m thinking that, if it’s even possible for her to still procreate, Pam may very well be with child. The only thing that’s keeping me from saying “that’s for sure a baby bump” is that Pam is already a mother of two, and if she’s not keeping up with an active lifestyle and healthy diet, it would make sense that any weight she gains would settle in her tummy area. I haven’t seen Pam trying to squeeze in to any bikinis lately, so maybe it’s just that. Still, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that she’s gotten knocked up again.

Last night Pam walked the runway in a Richie Rich fashion show.  Sometimes, the pictures really do speak a thousand adjectives.  Here’s a start:

Alarming, bloodcurdling, chilling, creepy, eerie, hair-raising, horrendous, horrifying,intimidating, shocking, spine-chilling, spooky, unnerving, bizarre, crawly, frightening, ghostly, mysterious, scary,spectral, strange, supernatural, unearthly, weird.  Oh, and tan.  Really, really tan.

Listen, it’s never okay when someone decides to do a red carpet out in the sun on a bright day. Nobody can look good under those conditions. It’s impossible. So Pam Anderson gets a pass on everything here … except the nipples. Like, I know you have a lot on your mind right now, Pam, what with your … uh … and your …. um … whatever, but honestly the publicist who allowed you on the red carpet with your nipples pointing in completely opposite directions should be fired.

Pam’s in Montenegro, holding a press conference to announce her plans to invest in a spa hotel out there. How does that warrant a press conference? You guys, I got a new AC unit today. PRESS CONFERENCE TIME!

Also there with her: Her boyfriend, Jamie Padgett, who I’m told is a SCUBA instructor. I bet Pam’s already taught him a thing or two about how to deep dive!

Ah, these two special ladies both attended the opening of Sapphire New York Gentlemen’s Club and Prime 333 Steakhouse last night-one as an employee and the other as a laughingstock.  Incidentally, does anyone see the irony of PETA fanatic Pam Anderson attending the opening of a steakhouse?  I can totally see her supporting the strip club…but a steakhouse?  I’m sure there’s some “piece of meat” joke in there somewhere.

I’m convinced that Samantha’s lady-like pose is in response to someone having asked where her Guns and Roses shirt was, but I have no explanation for trailer park-dwelling Pam.  Has she not worn out the coked out eyes and maxed out white hot pants look by now?  It’s.  Been.  Done.

Also there was Shannen Doherty and Vincent Pastore who looks like he ate an entire cow as opposed to your standard Porterhouse.

The classiest broad on the planet had some kind words about fellow blonde bombshell (kidding!) Pamela Anderson for Page Six: “Pam Anderson doesn’t even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove — which is in Malibu, but it’s a trailer park in Malibu.”

Mostly, what’s blowing my mind here is that Courtney Love seems to have made a complete statement in 140 characters or less, a feat she’s been unable to accomplish thus far on Twitter.

But Page Six took the time to look into her accusations. They say that a “quick check on the Internet reveals that a double-wide trailer in the park costs around $325,000 — and on the high side, homes are around $1.2 million.”

Uh, dude, if you can afford a $325K anything, why on earth would you buy a double-wide trailer??? Malibu is so weird.

I think I’m supposed to be behaving myself with the nip pics around here.  So here is a totally suitable for work and mainstream advertising picture of Pamela Anderson walking the runway at the Vivienne Westwood show in Paris and realizing that she just had a total Tara Reid red carpet moment.

Uh, after the jump, there are the pictures that you really don’t want to see.  NSFW

Palmonella Anderson walks squats the runway of designer Richie Rich’s show.

I’ve told her a million times, do not swallow the condom.  It does no good for your innards.

I’d like to issue a blanket apology to the west coasters and, really, all readers in other time zones who possibly read Evil Beet whilst enjoying their breakfast.  No one should have to navigate their oatmeal while being subjected to this, but think of all the calories I just saved you.

Could Pamela Anderson have found the man she wants to spend the next moon phase with?  She was spotted this weekend on a Malibu beach frolicking with her new mystery man and a wedgie.

Pam has lots going on this year and continues to wow me with both her beauty and brains.  Not only is she in great shape and hoping to make her fourteenth appearance in Playboy this year, but in her continued work on behalf of PETA, she has explained animal population to authorities in India by informing them that “Dogs don’t wear condoms.”  Apparently, she’s never had sex with my ex-boyfriend.

I’m all about any convenience that makes my life easier.  Schedules are tough in my house and I am all about quality of the time I spend with my family.  I sometimes get my groceries delivered and I totally believe in full-serve gas stations.  But there is a line that must be drawn.  For me, that line is drawn at Lunchables and Uncrustables.  It’s never okay to defrost a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Okay?  Never.  However, Pamela Anderson?  She’s totally willing to take it further.  Like…not wearing pants.  Or showering.  Or looking in a mirror.  By eliminating normal grooming, she has freed up valuable minutes in her day.  Apparently to do drugs by the looks of it.  My personal favorite pic?  Her looking at Paris like “What the fuck do you have on?”

Pamela Anderson at the Art Basel Miami Beach show last night.

I’m starting to question the existence of network executive brain matter.  The Molly Shannon and Selma Blair comedy Kath & Kim premiered with 7.5 million viewers on October 9th.  One month later, 5.1 million viewers.  They are obviously in big trouble.  So NBC has done the only logical thing.  They signed Pamela Anderson for a guest role and ordered up a full season of new episodes.  I get that tits are popular but are they two and a half million viewers popular?  With all the porn available on the net, I just can’t envision masses of viewers racing to their sets because Pamela Anderson Lee Ritchie Salomon is on TV.  Miracles do happen and maybe Our Sister of Silicone can save the day.  But I doubt it.

Perhaps I’m just feeling a little bitter over NBC’s axing of Las Vegas.  Still.

First Aubrey O’Day, now Pam Anderson.

Everyone’s getting all kissy-face with their doggies!