Pamela Anderson stepped out in London yesterday with what appears to be a baby bump. Normally I don’t buy in to baby bump madness because it can usually just be attributed to a big meal and a small dress, but I dunno about this one. I’m thinking that, if it’s even possible for her to still procreate, Pam may very well be with child. The only thing that’s keeping me from saying “that’s for sure a baby bump” is that Pam is already a mother of two, and if she’s not keeping up with an active lifestyle and healthy diet, it would make sense that any weight she gains would settle in her tummy area. I haven’t seen Pam trying to squeeze in to any bikinis lately, so maybe it’s just that. Still, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that she’s gotten knocked up again.

Last night Pam walked the runway in a Richie Rich fashion show.  Sometimes, the pictures really do speak a thousand adjectives.  Here’s a start:

Alarming, bloodcurdling, chilling, creepy, eerie, hair-raising, horrendous, horrifying,intimidating, shocking, spine-chilling, spooky, unnerving, bizarre, crawly, frightening, ghostly, mysterious, scary,spectral, strange, supernatural, unearthly, weird.  Oh, and tan.  Really, really tan.

Listen, it’s never okay when someone decides to do a red carpet out in the sun on a bright day. Nobody can look good under those conditions. It’s impossible. So Pam Anderson gets a pass on everything here … except the nipples. Like, I know you have a lot on your mind right now, Pam, what with your … uh … and your …. um … whatever, but honestly the publicist who allowed you on the red carpet with your nipples pointing in completely opposite directions should be fired.

Pam’s in Montenegro, holding a press conference to announce her plans to invest in a spa hotel out there. How does that warrant a press conference? You guys, I got a new AC unit today. PRESS CONFERENCE TIME!

Also there with her: Her boyfriend, Jamie Padgett, who I’m told is a SCUBA instructor. I bet Pam’s already taught him a thing or two about how to deep dive!

Ah, these two special ladies both attended the opening of Sapphire New York Gentlemen’s Club and Prime 333 Steakhouse last night-one as an employee and the other as a laughingstock.  Incidentally, does anyone see the irony of PETA fanatic Pam Anderson attending the opening of a steakhouse?  I can totally see her supporting the strip club…but a steakhouse?  I’m sure there’s some “piece of meat” joke in there somewhere.

I’m convinced that Samantha’s lady-like pose is in response to someone having asked where her Guns and Roses shirt was, but I have no explanation for trailer park-dwelling Pam.  Has she not worn out the coked out eyes and maxed out white hot pants look by now?  It’s.  Been.  Done.

Also there was Shannen Doherty and Vincent Pastore who looks like he ate an entire cow as opposed to your standard Porterhouse.

The classiest broad on the planet had some kind words about fellow blonde bombshell (kidding!) Pamela Anderson for Page Six: “Pam Anderson doesn’t even have a credit card. And she lives in Paradise Cove — which is in Malibu, but it’s a trailer park in Malibu.”

Mostly, what’s blowing my mind here is that Courtney Love seems to have made a complete statement in 140 characters or less, a feat she’s been unable to accomplish thus far on Twitter.

But Page Six took the time to look into her accusations. They say that a “quick check on the Internet reveals that a double-wide trailer in the park costs around $325,000 — and on the high side, homes are around $1.2 million.”

Uh, dude, if you can afford a $325K anything, why on earth would you buy a double-wide trailer??? Malibu is so weird.

I think I’m supposed to be behaving myself with the nip pics around here.  So here is a totally suitable for work and mainstream advertising picture of Pamela Anderson walking the runway at the Vivienne Westwood show in Paris and realizing that she just had a total Tara Reid red carpet moment.

Uh, after the jump, there are the pictures that you really don’t want to see.  NSFW

(more…)

Palmonella Anderson walks squats the runway of designer Richie Rich’s show.

I’ve told her a million times, do not swallow the condom.  It does no good for your innards.

I’d like to issue a blanket apology to the west coasters and, really, all readers in other time zones who possibly read Evil Beet whilst enjoying their breakfast.  No one should have to navigate their oatmeal while being subjected to this, but think of all the calories I just saved you.