No, no, no, I’m totally fucking with you guys.

He hit up and strip club and he drank.

“He spent 4½ hours at Rick’s Cabaret and was in an upbeat mood,” says a source. “He watched the Flyers game, drank beer, and when a parade of 75 half-naked girls caught his eye, he asked for dances from several and definitely had a preference for blondes. He tipped at least one with a $100 bill.”

Oh, Owen. You know you’re not supposed to be drinking, buddy. Please don’t try to die again, dude. That would be so sad.

I asked you guys last month if you still cared about Jennifer Aniston, and the response was an overwhelming yes.

So here she is on the set of Marley and Me, in Miami, with Owen Wilson.

I don’t think I’ve seen anyone wear short overalls with a tank top underneath them since high school, but that’s the costume department’s problem, not Jen’s. And she actually looks cute as a button in them.

Owen looks great, too. It’s good to see him working and seeming happy again.

WHA WHA WHAAAATTT??? Well, multiple sources are saying it’s true, including US Weekly and Yahoo! I, for one, am ecstatic about the couple’s possible reunification! There have been reports from friends stating they are definitely ‘hooking up’ and Owen’s car has been spotted parked outside Miss Hudson’s home! YAY! Now I can stop feeling so awful for Mr. Wilson. Maybe this will bring him a little happiness? I’m still a little upset with Kate . . . I think she should have rushed to Owen’s side and made EVERYDAY steak and BJ day after his suicide attempt. Instead, she dilly-dallied and made another crappy movie with Mathew McConaughey. I bet MAD MONEY that Owen and Kate have had numerous arguments on that relationship . . . ‘but we’re just friends!’ blah blah blah. Yeah right, you know Mathew wants a piece. Whatevs though, that may just be me.

Owen Wilson was spotted splashing around in the waters of Hawaii this weekend. Maybe some water therapy is just what he needs. We hope you’re happy and healthy, Owen!

Image via Splash

Jesus. Christ.

I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, or use euphemisms or nicknames or anything like that.

That is just a huge fucking penis.

I would ride that thing into the sunset.

Seriously, how can you attempt suicide when you have a penis like that? It’s like totally unfair to the whole world. We need you and your penis, Owen! We need you! This guy and his penis need to be on 24-hour suicide watch wherever they go.

Owen’s on vacation in Peru with the lucky, lucky Woody Harrelson.

And I love his penis.

I have no idea who named this girl. It sounds like she’s some sort of really cheap hooker who wants to be French.

Anyway, she’s supposedly running around town with Owen Wilson. They even took a yoga class together!

Page Six ran a piece yesterday about how she stole and purposely broke an umbrella some NYC restauranteur lent her. Sounds like she’s exactly what Owen Wilson needs right now. About as much as he needs to be running around the NYC bar scene.

The first interview with Owen since his suicide attempt will be posted on MySpace at midnight tonight!

Wilson, 38, is participating in MySpace’s Artist on Artist series with friend and director, Wes Anderson. The segment was filmed on Thursday and will be will be posted on the networking site on October 26, at midnight pst.

You can view it here when it’s up.

But my guess is this is gonna be one of those “all about the work” interviews. I guess we’ll see.

Looks like his little self-inflicted brush with death may win him Kate Hudson back!

The ‘Almost Famous’ actress is said to be desperate to woo back Owen - who was hospitalised in August after a failed suicide bid - after realising she still loves him.

A source said: “It was working out between her and Dax, but it’s a clean break.

“After Owen’s suicide attempt, she realised how much she loved him, and broke up with Dax.”

Hooray! Suicide does work, after all!

Yeah, right. Owen Wilson needs a girlfriend right now like he needs a hole in the head.

Owen: Get sober again. Get healthy again. Focus on you.

Kate: Leave him alone!