Because he should be, that’s why.

Because he’s motherfucking crazy.

OJ was ordered to have no contact (direct, indirect, via third parties, or even via “passenger pigeon” — I’m not kidding, it’s in the court transcript) with his fellow defendants, but he left a message with his bail bondsman, directing him to relay a message to one of them. The message was as follows:

“Hey Miguel, It’s me … I just want, want CJ [co-defendant Clarence Stewart] to know that the whole thing all the time he was tellin’ me that shit, ya know, I hope he was telling me the truth don’t be trying to change the mother fucking shit now, mother fucking assholes I’m tired of this shit. Fed up with mother fuckers changing what they told me, alright?”

So, even though none of that makes any sense, it counts as indirect contact via a third party, and OJ’s going back to jail for violating the court’s orders. Also, I think we’ve finally found someone who cusses with more frequency than I. That’s nice.

His bail has been revoked for some reason, and OJ’s taking a flight from Florida to Vegas today, to return to the slammer.

Just in time for the porn convention!

This story is really boring until he goes to jail.

Then I will write about it a lot, I promise. I’m super excited.

Until then, who cares? I didn’t care about this case the first time around (granted, I was like 10), and I don’t care about it now. I am only looking forward to watching this dumbass get away with murder and then go to jail for robbing some turbos in a hotel room. During his friend’s wedding reception. What a tool.

It’s a huge joke now among my friends. Every time his name comes up, it’s always the same rant. Someone’s like, “Seriously, who the fuck invites O.J. Simpson to their wedding? How do you get the bride to sign on to that? Like, ‘No, honey, I promise. I’ve talked to him, and he says he’ll be well-behaved. No double-homicides, he swears. Weeeellll, I guess he didn’t specifically agree not to round up a group of our friends at the reception and execute some ill-thought-out robbery while recording the audio, but I imagine he knows better than that. I mean, no one’s that dumb. Right, baby? Right?’”

I would just like my future husband, whoever he may be, to know that O.J. Simpson is not coming to my wedding. And neither is your drunk, obnoxious uncle. Unless he wants to get us the full set of that Tiffany china. Then we can talk about it. But definitely not O.J.

For those of you who care, O.J. plead not guilty to all 12 counts, ranging from armed robbery to kidnapping, for allegedly attempting to rob two sports memorabilia dealers at gunpoint.

Oh, oh, oh!

Nothing could make me happier!

There’s going to be another OJ trial.

After four hours of deliberating, Justice of the Peace Joseph Bonaventure has decided that O.J. Simpson, along with two other co-defendants, will stand trial for twelve criminal counts associated with armed robbery. The counts include robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy, kidnapping and burglary.

The other three co-defendants in the case have all testified against O.J. and have accepted plea deals. Simpson has plead not guilty.

Seriously, can you guys believe we get another OJ Simpson trial????

Maybe they’ll get it right this time!

So I simply can’t be bothered to even read this thing in its entirety, let alone try to summarize it, but I know some of you out there care.

For you special people, the AP has put together a blow-by-blow account of the people and events leading up to OJ Simpson’s most recent arrest.

You can read it here.

After posting a $150,000 bond for his bail, OJ Simpson returned home to Miami this morning.

As Simpson flew home to the Miami area, US Airways emptied a plane so he could board first …

Simpson sat in an aisle seat in economy class. Passengers who boarded behind him took pictures with cell phones and cameras. He nodded and smiled as they passed.

With his attorney across the aisle and his girlfriend against his shoulder, Simpson slept from Las Vegas to South Florida. When the plane touched down, he hugged [his attorney].

Oh, O.J. You’re totally going to jail this time.

OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!
OJ SIMPSON IS IN JAIL!!!

Okay, sorry to go all Perez Hilton on you guys, but OJ SIMPSON IS IN MOTHERFUCKING JAIL!!! After his arrest on Sunday night, a judge ordered him to be held without bail.

When do we get to see the mug shot?????

Simpson was at the Clark County Detention Center on Sunday night for booking on two counts of robbery with a deadly weapon, two counts of assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit a crime and burglary with a firearm, police said. The district attorney, meanwhile, said he expected Simpson to ultimately be charged with seven felonies and one gross misdemeanor.

If convicted of the booking charges, Simpson would face up to 30 years in state prison on each robbery count alone.

“He is facing a lot of time,” said Clark County District Attorney David Roger.

OJ could spend the rest of his life in jail for a burglary!!!

The Gods must be crazy.

This motherfucker got away with a double homicide, and now they’re gonna put him in jail for this shit.

Las Vegas police arrested O.J. Simpson on Sunday amid an investigation into an alleged armed robbery at a hotel in Las Vegas,

The charges he faces are unclear.

Simpson was arrested at his room in the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, the source said.

Loves. It.