The O.J. Simpson sports-memorabilia case has concluded testimony and has been handed over to the jury.

Quote of the week goes to Clark County District Attorney David Roger in his closing arguments: “In the state of Nevada, we are a civilized society.” Thanks for clearing that up, Champ. Because I did some things a couple years ago in the bathroom of rumjungle that left the civility of Nevada a little murky for me. Not, like, O.J.-Simpson-would-be-justified-in-stealing-sports-memorabilia-from-me murky. Just, like, it’s-gonna-hurt-to-pee-tomorrow murky.

Simpson and his co-defendent, Clarence Stewart, face life sentences if convicted.

Oh, please, Lord, I don’t ask for much, and you totally failed on the pony thing, so it would be really awesome if O.J. could go to jail forever for this sort of dumbass shit after being acquitted of double homicide.

Heh, how do you go about finding an unbiased jury for another O.J. Simpson trial?

You don’t, really, unless you’re going to start combing the local elementary schools (actually, I just did the math and realized the high schools would be fine, too, and that makes me feel exceedingly old), but a Las Vegas courtroom settled on twelve men and women to oversee the upcoming Simpson trial. He’s being charged with armed robbery, kidnapping, conspiracy and other charges related to an alleged sports memorabilia heist that OJ’s accused of masterminding last year. Because, ya know, he’s a really good decision-maker and not at all impulsive. The kidnapping charge alone could land him a life sentence in prison.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If O.J. Simpson gets away with a double murder and, nearly fifteen years later, goes to prison for life for trying to steal some sports plaques out of a hotel room, my head will explode. Just explode.

OJ Simpson was dressed for the golf course rather than the slammer as he arrived at McCarran airport in Las Vegas because his bail was revoked. He was removed from the plane once it hit the tarmac and taken off to jail in a black SUV.

He’ll have another bail hearing on January 16.

This guy is such a freakin’ moron.

Image via Splash

Because he should be, that’s why.

Because he’s motherfucking crazy.

OJ was ordered to have no contact (direct, indirect, via third parties, or even via “passenger pigeon” — I’m not kidding, it’s in the court transcript) with his fellow defendants, but he left a message with his bail bondsman, directing him to relay a message to one of them. The message was as follows:

“Hey Miguel, It’s me … I just want, want CJ [co-defendant Clarence Stewart] to know that the whole thing all the time he was tellin’ me that shit, ya know, I hope he was telling me the truth don’t be trying to change the mother fucking shit now, mother fucking assholes I’m tired of this shit. Fed up with mother fuckers changing what they told me, alright?”

So, even though none of that makes any sense, it counts as indirect contact via a third party, and OJ’s going back to jail for violating the court’s orders. Also, I think we’ve finally found someone who cusses with more frequency than I. That’s nice.

His bail has been revoked for some reason, and OJ’s taking a flight from Florida to Vegas today, to return to the slammer.

Just in time for the porn convention!

This story is really boring until he goes to jail.

Then I will write about it a lot, I promise. I’m super excited.

Until then, who cares? I didn’t care about this case the first time around (granted, I was like 10), and I don’t care about it now. I am only looking forward to watching this dumbass get away with murder and then go to jail for robbing some turbos in a hotel room. During his friend’s wedding reception. What a tool.

It’s a huge joke now among my friends. Every time his name comes up, it’s always the same rant. Someone’s like, “Seriously, who the fuck invites O.J. Simpson to their wedding? How do you get the bride to sign on to that? Like, ‘No, honey, I promise. I’ve talked to him, and he says he’ll be well-behaved. No double-homicides, he swears. Weeeellll, I guess he didn’t specifically agree not to round up a group of our friends at the reception and execute some ill-thought-out robbery while recording the audio, but I imagine he knows better than that. I mean, no one’s that dumb. Right, baby? Right?’”

I would just like my future husband, whoever he may be, to know that O.J. Simpson is not coming to my wedding. And neither is your drunk, obnoxious uncle. Unless he wants to get us the full set of that Tiffany china. Then we can talk about it. But definitely not O.J.

For those of you who care, O.J. plead not guilty to all 12 counts, ranging from armed robbery to kidnapping, for allegedly attempting to rob two sports memorabilia dealers at gunpoint.

Oh, oh, oh!

Nothing could make me happier!

There’s going to be another OJ trial.

After four hours of deliberating, Justice of the Peace Joseph Bonaventure has decided that O.J. Simpson, along with two other co-defendants, will stand trial for twelve criminal counts associated with armed robbery. The counts include robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, conspiracy, kidnapping and burglary.

The other three co-defendants in the case have all testified against O.J. and have accepted plea deals. Simpson has plead not guilty.

Seriously, can you guys believe we get another OJ Simpson trial????

Maybe they’ll get it right this time!