In a new interview with Us Weekly, Nikki McKibbin — who’s on the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab — talks about the role Simon Cowell played in her downward spiral.

“I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence,” she says. “I think I had my first solo in school when I was 5, and I got more as I got older: That’s the biggest compliment in choir. I had never been told I wasn’t good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn’t get the shit he had said to me out of my head … It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn’t say that this was Simon’s fault. It just added to the addict that I already was.”

She also talks about drinking while on AmIdol: “We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor,” she says. “If I wasn’t too exhausted, I’d have one or two drinks.”

Nikki claims she’s still sober, and I do have to give her props for not being all like “This is American Idol’s fault!” She’s owning up to her own addictions, and I respect that way more than all of the celebs who want to blame their drug and alcohol problems on something else.

Star magazine reports that AmIdol’s first season rocker, Nikki McKibbin, was hospitalized in a psych ward in February after a suicide attempt. After limited musical success and the death of her mother in August, it sounds like things were just feeling impossible for Nikki.

Nikki called a friend and told her that she was feeling depressed and wanted to kill herself. The report states that Nikki said, “I want to live with my mom in heaven” and took migraine medication to “dull the pain.”

Tipped off by Nikki’s friend, police arrived to find the former Idol hopeful half-dressed with a number of white pills in her hand. After a violent confrontation — during which she reportedly tried to kick out the windows of the cop car — she was taken to the John Peter Smith Hospital and placed under psychiatric observation for the required 72 hours before being released.

Aw, sweetie, if it’s any consolation, I love love LOVED you on AmIdol. I voted for you every week. Yeah, it’s true, and I’m admitting it here, in a very public forum, just in case it’ll go any way toward making you feel better. I fucking voted for American Idol, and I voted for you, Nikki! I hope you feel better way soon.