And it begins!

Now that Nicole Richie has announced that she is pregnant (which Wendie totally called back in January), we can start looking at pictures of her and playing Spot the Baby Bump.

Here’s Nicole and Joel heading to the Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday.

DEFINITE baby bump. Cuteness!

I know I am in the minority here, but I’m still waiting for the giant Nicole Richie drug relapse. I certainly wish all the best for her and her family, but I know this girl too well. It’s gonna happen, and it’s gonna be messy. You can pop out all the kids you want, Nicole. It’s not going to fix the fact that you’re an addict. They may not all get printed, because you’re really not that relevant anymore, but you better believe I still hear the stories about your drunken antics and tantrums. I know you haven’t really changed.

Nicole gets to amaze us all over again with her incredible shrinking body! Joel Madden went onto the Good Charlotte blog last night and announced that he and Nicole are expecting baby numero dos!

“I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope you’re all feeling as good as I am right now.”

I think this might be the final shovel of dirt on Nicole’s crazy past. I commend her, because if you look back just a few years, Nicole then, and Nicole now are completely different people.

Nicole Richie, photographed with baby Harlow, on the streets of New York wearing the exact outfit I wore on the first day of high school.

When you are as relevant as 90210 actor Ryan Eggold, you don’t need to be weighed down by award show day rituals such as shaving and dressing.  Sean Penn and Brad Pitt do, but not Ryan Eggold.

The day after award shows feels like the day after a primary.  I must look at all the data and analyze what went right and wrong.  You know I have a thing for dresses.  The one thing I realized almost immediately, is that many stylists started throwing afterthought asymetric straps on dresses the morning after the Inaugural Ball.

I can’t imagine anyone really has the time to flip through the three trillion pictures in the gallery but it makes me feel better to voice my feelings on the dresses seen at the SAG Awards.

Andrea Bowen- Wearing a revolutionary new gown that allows you to shit without breaking stride on the red carpet.

America Ferrera- I think we had a commenter this weekend who mentioned anorexia.  Totally agree.  Also, ruching over the hips is rarely a good idea.

Amy Adams- Pretty.  Dark.

Amy Brenneman- Beautiful color, uneven boobs but more importantly:  What happened to her face?

Angelina Jolie- Has the economy hit her hard?  Because this is the third time in the past month she’s worn this dress.  Is she just dyeing it?

Anne Hathaway- From the neck down, stunning.

Brooke Adams aka Tony Shaloub’s wife- I’ve worn similar things to the grocery store.  In 1991.

Christina Applegate- I feel bad saying anything since she had cancer and a dead boyfriend this past year.  I’m focused on the chubby in the background wearing the TJMaxx special with transparent gold wrap.

Christina Hendricks- How not to wear red.

Claire Danes- How to wear red.

Dana Delaney- Dynasty casting calls ended twenty years ago.

Emily Blunt- May I be blunt?  Is her dress splitting up the front or is it just horribly made?

Holly Hunter- Pink, taffeta, the stuff my proms and fire hazards were made of.

Eva Longoria- Looks like a doll cake.  If you were born in the seventies or before, you get this.

Evan Rachel Wood- Looks good; there’s that Obama strap.

January Jones- A horrible miss from a woman who is usually perfectly dressed.

JoBeth Williams- Obama strap!

Jane Krakowski- No opinion on her but can I start a petition for her to enter an early retirement?

Julia Ormond- Remember when she was hot?

Kate Winslet- Remember that she eats whatever she wants.  Let the hating commence.

Lisa Rinna- Hasn’t the swelling gone down on those things?

Marcia Cross- Beautiful blue dress attacked by flock of bats in parking lot.

Marisa Tomei- Missed your makeup appointment?

Paula Abdul- Would have been a pretty dress if not for being so tight.  And ruffled at the chest.  And manufactured in the first place.

Rosario Dawson- Will you marry me?  Flawless.

Teri Hatcher- Totally neutral.  I cannot feel any emotion one way or the other.

Tina Fey- It’s ok.  You’re a comedic genius; you don’t have to excel at everything.

Tracey Ullman- Wearing the newest from the Disco Maternity line.

Sadly, no one told her all night.  Every rack picture of Nicole Richie at The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala is the same.  Exposed cutlets.  In the photo gallery, there is another picture of Richie with Milla Jovovich that can only be interpreted as  “You’re pregnant?  Congratulations!”  So when Nicole and Joel make their announcement, remember you heard it here first.

I have a dress fetish.  I think I’ve mentioned it before.  There are probably sixty dresses in my closet that have never seen the light of day.  I have kids that throw tater tots at me for target practice; fleece is my life.  Yet I still accumulate these dresses in the hopes that I may someday have a reason to wear fabric made from materials that are actually found in nature.  Until that time comes, I fixate on gowns worn by the famous and work through my addiction by crafting obscenely large photo galleries here on Evil Beet.

Speaking of (kind of) famous, my phone rang last week and it was Patricia Arquette.  She was like “zOMG, can I please, please, please borrow your junior prom dress?  I want to wear it to the The Art of Elysium 2nd Annual Heaven Gala next week!“  I eventually relented but told her that she’d have to find her own inappropriate, clunky platform pumps.  Sadly, she obeyed.

Also, is anyone planning on seeing Trudie Styler any time soon?  If you are, could you please ask to see her license?  And then show her the date on said license.  Inform her that she’s approaching sixty.  If ever there was a time to abandon sequin miniskirts, sixty would be that time.  She can keep the tantric fucking…the skirt has to go.

And since I’m secretly convinced that Richie is knocked up, Kate Bosworth is my new focus.  I know she has a fast metabolism, but when your forehead is looking too skinny to the point that your cranium veins are showing, it’s time to stop smiling at your dinner plate and start eating what’s on it.

Finally, a simple question that I need answers to:  What the hell happened to Shannen Doherty?

I haven’t even had caffeine yet today; I told you dresses excite me.  They are, like, my Red Bull and methamphetamine cocktail.

Harlow Madden takes some very adorable steps at a playground in LA yesterday.

God, I like Nicole soooo much better now that she’s a mom.

Unfortunately, I still think the gigantic drug and alcohol relapse is on its way.

I may not be a fan of all her headbands and sunglasses but I will say this:  Nicole Richie and Joel Madden actually do stuff other than shop.  We always see them being involved in different charities and that is so refreshing to see.  They give back which goes a long way towards forgiving her accessories.

Pics of Nic and Joel today at a party hosted by Beyond Shelter at Magic Mountain.  And listen, I know this is shallow while I’m applauding their philanthropy, but does anyone know where I can find that Clone Wars hoodie?