A day with Paula Abdul is not worth $26,000 to anyone. A day with her Vicodin supply? Now that’s another story. [CelebSlam]

Nicole Richie doesn’t like it when strangers text message her. [Drunken Stepfather]

Scary Spice is carrying Eddie Murphy’s love child. [Juicy-News]

Check out the video from Christina Aguilera’s new single, “Hurt,” which comes complete with a father-daughter separation scene straight out of a Michael Lohan cartoon. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Before they became the alcoholic, abusive, herpetic mess we all took such pure joy in watching them become, Liza Minelli and David Gest filmed a pilot for a reality show. Because God loves you, this footage has surfaced. [Perez Hilton]

Ellen Degeneres invites a hyptonist on her show for a weepy attempt to rid herself of the smoking habit, the cumulative result of which is that now I want a cigarette. [Defamer]

Oh, wait, I’ve just received word that the other person in this photo is actually Nicole Richie.

What is it with the Courtney Love look lately? Courtney Love is the new black.

Anyway, X17’s got the celebutard reunion on tape.

• Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston broke up over the phone.
• Madonna selects an African child to adopt with the same obsessive attention to detail and God complex that make her live performances such extraordinary spectacles.

• Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie are dunzo. Barton says Richie’s “fickle,” by which she of course means “starving.”

• Having properly atoned for a year of sins on Yom Kippur, Mel Gibson’s drinking again.
• Ashlee Simpson denies hooking up with Nick Carter while he was with Paris Hilton, using her own special brand of eloquence: “No! That is so random. When I heard that, I was dying laughing.”

Update: I thought about this more, and the only CMA/AA meetings on a Wednesday (when these photos were taken) end at 8 pm, and there’s no way it was this bright out at 8 pm this late in September. I live in this city. Still, the WHRC is most definitely a 12-step center.

• Hey boys! Just when you thought masturbating to thoughts of Miss Cleo couldn’t get any better — turns out she’s a lezzie!
• Aaron Carter breaks off his week-long engagement to Kari Ann Peniche, because he’s now met the requisite media usage quota of “House of Carters” as detailed in his contract with E!, and because, you know, she used to fuck his brother.
• KFed’s not even going to include “PoPoZao” on his debut album, Playing with Fire; it’s being replaced by a duet between him and his wife, Britney Spears. So, by its late October release date, we should all be ready to welcome Britney Spears’ Playing with Fire, featuring Kevin Federline.
• Are Paris & Nicole combining their evil powers once again?
• How many people does it take to wax Scarlett Johansson’s vag? A whole “waxing crew,” apparently. [via Junkiness]
• Triumph the Insult Comic Dog bangs fellow puppet Ernie of Sesame Street. The folks at Childrens’ Workshop are all like “even our audience knows that stupid dog is played out.”
• Jackass Number Two makes number one at the box office. This, folks, is why the terrorists hate us.

Nicole Richie has been spotted all over town lately with her new man, longtime friend and Prince of Malibu Brody Jenner. But it was not so long ago that the super-skinny starlet was engaged to DJ AM. Is Nicole really over AM? Well, we can’t know for sure, since she didn’t wear a t-shirt making any formal statement to the press, but we can look at the evidence and draw our own conclusions.

AM has been spending a lot of time lately with 22-year-old model Lauren Hastings, who has not yet thought to make her mySpace profile private. The song playing on it currently? A DJ AM mix highlighting the fact — one which friends can attest I have been harping on for years — that the Chili Peppers’ “Dani California” is essentially an uncredited remake of Tom Petty’s “Last Dance with Mary Jane.” Because it is. So that’s cool.

But anyway. AM is placed third on her friends list. She lists her status as single, but she also lists her hometown as Tijuana and her occupation as “unicorn fluffer.” So make of it what you will.

Here’s the dirt:

Nicole was recently celebrating her 25th birthday at Teen Vogue’s Young Hollywood party (um…don’t you age out of “young Hollywood” by 21 or so?) when Lauren showed up. At that point, Nicole suddenly asked security to “clear her area,” and Lauren was not allowed in.

What’s sad to me is that this whole mess could have been prevented with a simple “You Can’t Have Him” baby tee.