It’s been a rough weekend for Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. Late last week, Richie checked into a treatment facility to determine “why she’s not been putting on any weight.” We in the gossip blogging community are proud to announce that we quickly helped her doctors solve that little mystery, because Richie was out and about on Saturday night, partying with Lohan.

Whatever Richie was ingesting that night (we’ve ruled out food) didn’t sit well with her, because she passed out at Hollywood club Hyde around 2 am on Sunday. The club manager wanted to call an ambulance, but Richie’s friends insisted they would take her to a hospital themselves, carrying the celebutante out the back door.

Lohan didn’t fare much better. She was spotted sitting in her car at 6:45 Sunday morning, convinced that the paparazzi tailing her were trying to hit her car. She seemed “out of it” and looked as though she’d been crying. My guess is she wasn’t driving to an early-morning mass after a good night’s sleep.

All this comes as News of the World releases an exclusive interview with Lohan, in which she talks about her battle with anorexia and bulimia. She discusses a night in 2004, where she feared for her life at the house of then-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama. “I felt so sick,” she said. “I lay down on the bed and started getting these shooting pains. I was screaming, throwing things, because the pains were so intense in my head.” Regarding ex-boyfriend Harry Morton: “I have only been in love once and that was with Wilmer.” Ouch.

Joking aside, I hope Nicole and Lindsay become willing to take the actions they need to get healthy again. Come on, girls! Look at Courtney Love. You can still do strange, obnoxious, publicity-generating things — and we’ll still make fun of you — just do them sober.

Nicole Richie is stumped. The 25-year-old celebutard checked into a treatment facility this week, because she just plumb can’t figure out why she can’t put on any weight. That’s so funny. Because it totally didn’t seem to be a problem for her at all until a couple years ago. But I suppose a lot of women go through that experience in their mid-20s. As their metabolism changes and they move into adulthood and engage in internationally publicized feuds with their sharp-taloned ex-best friends, they just drop massive amounts of weight for no reason whatsoever. Richie’s camp has managed to rule out one possibility for sure: she is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, not eating disorded. Says her rep:

Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she’s not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder.

What will this “diagnostic treatment” unveil? A particularly persistent form of irritable bowel syndrome? Hypothyroidism? A leak? Only time will tell. In the meantime, Nicole’s rep is unloading some of the starlet’s assets to cover the cost of treatment, and she has a bridge available, if you’re interested.

Burkegate trudges forward, with new revelations that Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington has a history of violence and general on-set assholery. [TMZ]

Madonna will appear on Oprah on Wednesday to defend her kinda-sorta-legal adoption of Malawi orphan David Banda, and, probably, to plug her upcoming adoption. [Hollywood Grind]

Studio 60 is taking a one-week break from mildly amusing a viewership rich and liberal enough to know they should love Aaron Sorkin unconditionally, as NBC “quietly” slips a drama about Texas high-school football into the timeslot. What could possibly go wrong? [Defamer]

If there’s anything Kate Moss and Pete Doherty need right now, it’s a goddamn infant in their care. [MollyGood]

For being a billion years old, Sharon Stone still has some really nice nipples. [Yes But No But Yes]

If you thought I’d gotten all my classlessness out of my system with a Sharon Stone nip-shot, you were wrong. Wanna see up Nicole Richie’s skirt? You only get to laugh condescendingly at me until you click the link. [Faded Youth]

Check out Pink’s new video for her next single, “Nobody Knows.” [Perez Hilton]

At what point did People magazine get the monopoly on celebrity coming-out stories? Anyway, meet McGay. [Pop on the Pop]

Prince Harry’s new girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, wonders aloud if woolly mammoths are extinct. Their season of Newlyweds is going to rock so hard. [CelebSlam]

The photo shoot theme for this week’s ANTM was “celebrity couples.” Demonstrating the level of taste and subtelty we have come to associate so inextricably with the weekly, hour-long pitch for Tyra Banks’ surely forthcoming magazine, the girl who came out as a lesbian the day before was asked to be — I’m serious — Ellen and Portia di Rossi. [MollyGood]

Nicole Richie prefers to spend her time in restaurants getting laid in the bathroom, mostly because it’s the farthest she can get from the food. [Cele|Bitchy]

Nicky Hilton kicks off publicity for her fashion-centric Miami hotel, Nicky O, with — what else? — full frontal male nudity. There is a joke here to illustrate that nudity has very little to do with fashion, but I am too distracted by penises to think of it. [The Superficial]

Sofia Coppola is expecting a baby girl in December. With any luck, she won’t cast the kid in Lost in Translation 3. [Celebrity Baby Blog]

Paris Hilton avoids the premiere of her new movie, National Lampoon’s Pledge This, because she doesn’t want to be associated with a film that will likely go straight to video. She really could have made that decision much earlier, like when they cast Simon Rex and Randy Spelling. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

A day with Paula Abdul is not worth $26,000 to anyone. A day with her Vicodin supply? Now that’s another story. [CelebSlam]

Nicole Richie doesn’t like it when strangers text message her. [Drunken Stepfather]

Scary Spice is carrying Eddie Murphy’s love child. [Juicy-News]

Check out the video from Christina Aguilera’s new single, “Hurt,” which comes complete with a father-daughter separation scene straight out of a Michael Lohan cartoon. [Hollywood Gossip Whores]

Before they became the alcoholic, abusive, herpetic mess we all took such pure joy in watching them become, Liza Minelli and David Gest filmed a pilot for a reality show. Because God loves you, this footage has surfaced. [Perez Hilton]

Ellen Degeneres invites a hyptonist on her show for a weepy attempt to rid herself of the smoking habit, the cumulative result of which is that now I want a cigarette. [Defamer]

Oh, wait, I’ve just received word that the other person in this photo is actually Nicole Richie.

What is it with the Courtney Love look lately? Courtney Love is the new black.

Anyway, X17’s got the celebutard reunion on tape.

• Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston broke up over the phone.
• Madonna selects an African child to adopt with the same obsessive attention to detail and God complex that make her live performances such extraordinary spectacles.

• Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie are dunzo. Barton says Richie’s “fickle,” by which she of course means “starving.”

• Having properly atoned for a year of sins on Yom Kippur, Mel Gibson’s drinking again.
• Ashlee Simpson denies hooking up with Nick Carter while he was with Paris Hilton, using her own special brand of eloquence: “No! That is so random. When I heard that, I was dying laughing.”