Mary Kate and Ashley appear on The Today Show to give their first interview in two and a half years. They both appear sober and talk mostly about their careers. Yawn. [MollyGood]

Tom Cruise wore a girdle under his tux at his own wedding. Is this some wacky Scientology tradition? Nope. He just wouldn’t fit in his Armani suit otherwise. [Spank Cheeks]

Rachel Bilson accomplishes the previously unheard-of feat of simultaneously being adorable and at Hyde. [Yeeeah!]

Oh please, please, let there be a Jessica Simpson sex tape. [Egotastic]

“This Scarf is Heavy,” by Paris Hilton. [The Gilded Moose]

I am going to mention Hansen without mentioning “Horseface,” just this once, because they’re being nice to Africa. [Agent Bedhead]

Nicole Richie does her best Hamburgler. [Dirty Laundry]

For the record, Abbie Cornish claims she and Ryan Phillippe are “friends and that’s it.” [Just Jared]

In a last-ditch effort to make something good come of Elizabethtown, Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst are now officially dating. [A Socialite's Life]

Nicole Richie fires celeb stylist Rachel Zoe, possibly because she’s the only person on the planet who makes Richie look obese in comparison. [Perez Hilton]

Kate Moss’s fiance, Pete Doherty, is arrested for possession of crack cocaine. [Cele|Bitchy]

Carmen Electra is old now, too. And bless the girls at Dirty Laundry, who always link to the full-size photos of celebs, so you can check out every little zit and wrinkle on her aging little face. [Dirty Laundry]

When you order a Strawberries and Cream Frappucino at Starbucks, they ask you if you’d like cream with that. Something tells me that doesn’t happen in Texas.

Oh, and Nicole says she didn’t have a gastric bypass.

Oh thank heavens. Aaron Carter and Jack Osbourne are feuding. And here I was worried it was going to be another slow news week. [AllieIsWired]

Heather Locklear and David Spade left Mr. Chow’s in the same car, so, as a responsible journalist, I must assume they are dating again. [SplashNews]

YouTube quickly pulled the video of the Kanye West tirade at the MTV Europe VMAs, but Google doesn’t own iFilm yet. Boo-yah. [iFilm]

Daniel Craig is getting rave reviews as the new 007, but it seems he has a bit of a potty mouth. This link also has the long version of the Casino Royale trailer. [The Bosh]

If you weren’t fortunate enough to attend Shanna Moakler’s Las Vegas divorce party in person, you can experience all the emotional health and maturity in these pictures. I hope you get a good, hearty laugh out of them, like I’m sure her children will. [ICYDK]

Don’t stock up on Vaseline just yet — it’s only a rumor thus far — but there is, allegedly, a Scarlett Johansson sex tape in existence, and someone is trying to sell it. [Eluid]

Paris and Nicole pose for their very first pictures as a reunited couple. Nicole’s dyed her hair dark brown — it actually looks nice — and, I could be dreaming, but, based on several pictures I’ve seen of her from this weekend, it looks like she may actually be putting on some weight. Way to go, Nicole! [Rappy's]

Thanks anyway, Katharine McPhee, but Nicole Richie doesn’t need advice from some recovering bulimic, no matter how desperate said bulimic may be to extend her fifteen minutes of fame. Besides, everyone knows bulimics are just wannabe anorexics who got too damn hungry. [Gossip or Truth]

Also cashing in her eating disorder chip today is Alison Clinton, the nanny Sara Evans accused of sleeping with her sex addict of a husband. She claims Evans’ allegations have triggered an anorexia relapse. And her brothers are going to Iraq. And she’s unemployed. She weighs just over seventy pounds, and, as part of her recovery program, it’s important that information be distributed to the entire readership of Star magazine. [Star]

But wait! We’re not through with eating disorders yet! Up now: Kate Bosworth has opted to embrace Karen Carpenter’s wardrobe along with her fatal illness. [Teddy and Moo]

Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler: Battle of the MySpace Blogs. Come for the venom. Stay for the spelling mistakes. [Tabloid Whore]

Seriously, maybe we should just stop inviting Kanye West to awards shows. [Bossip]

AmIdol’s Kelly Pickler releases her first album, entitled — shockingly — Small Town Girl. They’re planning on using a photo of her visiting her father in jail as the cover. And she’ll be holding a book upside-down. And eating sushi with an eyelash curler. [Girls Talkin' Smack]