Image removed on request.

Nicole Richie is on this week’s cover of People and it’s a damn good thing that he’s so cute, because with a name like Sparrow, he needs to have good looks on his side.  If you’re wondering how they came up with the name — I was convinced that it was sourced from a train of thought that went something like Twitter>Tweet>bird>Sparrow — basically, Joel Madden wanted his son to have a name that would torture him.

“We have different tastes in names,” Nicole says. “Sparrow was one we both liked. I liked the way it sounded with Harlow, and there’s the Captain Jack Sparrow connection.”

Joel goes on, “It reminded me of the Johnny Cash song ‘A Boy Named Sue.’ My worry raising a son in Hollywood is what will he have to struggle for? I wanted to give him a name that he’s going to have to stand up for. I love it; I think it’s a beautiful name.”

Also, despite the rumors, Nicole and Joel are not married.  Nicole maintains that if her children wanted them to get hitched, they would as long as the kids drew up the prenup.  Okay, she didn’t say that part about the prenup, but I imagine that Harlow would be a fierce negotiator.

It seemed like Family Weekend here in LA with celebrities ditching the nannies for a couple of days and actually like, hanging out with their kids. Even over in Cambridge, MA, Tom and Suri were playing in a lake together (which looks so photo-oppy, sadly.) The pumpkin patch seemed like the place to be with appearances by Heidi Klum and Hendy, Larry Birkhead and mini Anna Nicole and Christina Aguilera and Max. Also notable is Nicole Richie and a scrumptious looking Harlow (I wanted to eat the buns off her head) and Brian Austin Green taking his son Kassius bowling. As if having Brian Austin Green for a dad wasn’t hard enough, the poor kid has to be named something more suitable for a gay porn star, too.

Upon hearing that his baby mama Nicole Richie was in a car crash yesterday, Joel Madden rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center to be by her side. The two just had their second baby together, and while there’s no sign that the two will ever get hitched, they are one of the only Hollywood couples that seem free from rumors of infidelity and secretly hating each other.

New mama Nicole Richie was rear-ended by a couple of stalker-status paparazzi who were driving too close to her vehicle in order to score the perfect shot. Unfortunately, the pap in the driver’s seat was both unlicensed and uninsured, so he’s doubly screwed. However, things could be a lot worse: Police at the scene reported that Nicole was feeling a bit shaken up by the whole thing and claimed to need a check out. Lt. Tony Lee of the Beverly Hills Police department shared People Magazine “She told officers she was going to seek her own medical treatment, so it’s unknown if she’s headed to a hospital or not.”

I normally err on the side of “Well, you’re famous so dealing with the paps is part of your job”, but it’s circumstances like these that always make me wonder what would have happened if either of her children had been in the car or what would have happened if the accident was much worse and if perhaps then there would finally be some laws that protect celebrities from being so frequently harassed. While having crappy pictures taken of you while you’re shlubbing around the pharmacy or even at the market with your kids feel like an unfortunate aspect of a pretty great job, worrying about your safety does not.

Speaking of a woman who seems like she’s been pregnant forever, Nicole Richie gave birth this morning to her second child.  She and dad Joel Madden welcomed their 7 lb. 14 oz. son early on Wednesday morning.  He joins older sister Harlow Winter Kate Madden.  I’d love to know what you guys think of the new arrival’s name:  Sparrow James Midnight Madden.  My opinion?  You don’t name a boy Sparrow.  You don’t name any child Sparrow.

Congrats to the expanding family!

Congrats to Nicole Richie and her uterus, which is currently growing a small penis. (It has a person attached to it, too, but isn’t that all men really are anyway? Penises with bodies attached? Or is that the kind of thinking that results in me being eternally single?)

“Joel bought water-based paint for the nursery and — surprise, surprise — it’s blue,” says a pal of the couple, who adds that Nicole refers to the baby as “he.” “Plus, she recently ordered some plush animals and infant toys from FAO Schwarz, and everything just happens to be blue.”

Ya know, my mom had a thing about baby colors. She didn’t want me to feel like I had to associate my gender with any limitations, color being one of them. So she tried to use neutrals or mixes of color in my room. In fact, the mobile above my cradle was made of tin foil dolls. There was Mrs. Tin Foil and Mr. Tin Foil and baby Tin Foil. Although they didn’t really have gender identifiers, so I suppose they could just as well have been Mr. and Mr. Tin Foil and the Tin Foil baby they had through a surrogate. Thank you, Mom, for the open-mindedness you instilled in me as a child. It basically worked, except now I have this overpowering need to marry a man made of tin foil.

Nicole shows off her growing baby bump after she grabs some Starbucks in LA. I feel like that bump is getting really big really fast! I’d say that the child is gonna be huge, but since it’s the spawn of Nicole and Joel Madden, two of the smallest people in Hollywood, that’s unlikely to be true.