I’ve poked a lot of fun at Nicolas Cage in the past, but this post isn’t going to do that. I can only kick a person when they’re down so many times, and Nicolas Cage is now so far down my foot couldn’t even reach him if I tried.

Cage’s father, August Coppola, has died at the age of 75 of a heart attack. Coppola is the brother of filmmaker Frances Ford Coppola and was Dean of Creative Arts at San Francisco State University.

My heart goes out to the family, particularly to Cage who has had more than his fair share of troubles in the past year. Condolences also to the faculty, staff and students of San Francisco State University where Coppola taught literature and served as Dean of Creative Arts. I’m sure he will be missed.

When I think of things Nicolas Cage owes the country, I think of things like “a public apology for Bangkok Dangerous.” But apparently his debt runs deeper — the former Mr. Coppola owes the IRS oer $6M in back taxes, and they’re determined to get it back.

The government has placed a tax lien on his vast real estate holdings because of $6 million in unpaid back taxes dating from 2007, the year of the 45-year-old actor’s box office hits Ghost Rider and National Treasure: Book of Secrets, according to court papers.

In addition, the Internal Revenue Service has yet another lien for over $350,000 in unpaid taxes dating from 2002 to 2004.

The larger tax lien, which was first filed in July, comes as Cage has begun liquidating his many legendary multimillion-dollar properties. He sold his castle in Germany, and has placed on the market his homes in California, Las Vegas, and New Orleans.

Cage is dealing with more than the tax collector. East West Bank filed a breach of contract complaint in Los Angeles Superior Court claiming he had failed to repay a $2 million loan that was extended this past August.

The most surprising thing about this paragraph, for me, is that Ghost Rider was considered a box-office hit.

Looks like Nic is pretty hard up for cash. I wonder how he wound up spending so much more than he could afford. How could anyone be so careless? Oh, right, it’s the exact same thing the rest of the country has been doing for the past twenty years, it’s just that Nic is way more rich and famous than the local pizza boy who’s currently at Best Buy getting four iPhones for himself and his entire family. Nic Cage’s German castle is like a pizza boy iPhone. Can you really afford it? Nah. Do you absolutely fucking need it right now if the world is to have any hope of continuing on? Yes. Yes you do.

Here’s hoping that Astro Boy, his latest flick, can zoom its way into profitability. I have an Astro Boy t-shirt now, because the PR company’s giving them away with the kind of financial devil-may-care attitude Nic Cage uses to buy German castles. But, look, now I’ve plugged the movie. I earned my t-shirt. Yay.

Nicolas Cage is being sued by his bank after not making payments on his line of credit. Apparently the bank extended a $2 million line of credit to the actor and he agreed to make payments of $12,000 a month. He hasn’t made a payment on the account since May, and now the bank is invoking its right to demand the full balance immediately.

And you thought your credit card debt was bad. This makes me feel really, really good about being only $3,000 in the hole.

Cage has been attempting to liquidate his assets, including a bunch of real estate, in an effort to pay off his debts. When I went to New Orleans a few weeks ago, I took one of those historic ghost tours, and guess whose mansion was the primary stop? Apparently Cage’s three story French Quarter mansion is a bargain at $3.5 million, but no one will touch it because of the crazy, horrific  shit that is rumored to have gone on there– buckets of brains, intestines nailed to the floor, and a lot of other macabre stuff that is almsot as inhuman as Cage’s acting.

Kick ‘em when they’re down! Bam!

Paris appeared at the Venice Film Festival this weekend with her on-again boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt.  Doug was looking very two-dimensional and was airbrushed within an inch of his life.

There were a few other notables there, but I’m willing to bet attendance was down at this year’s festival.  Damn economy.  I’m really, really hoping Eva Mendes hasn’t fallen off the wagon since her rehab stint, but ahhh … well, you can judge for yourself.  Mel Brown was looking very pink and Matt Damon was looking very goofy.  Nicolas Cage — don’t you love it when people get all familiar with him and refer to him as “Nick?” — and a very androgynous looking Tilda Swinton were there as well.

Nicolas Cage owes $6.2 Million in back taxes to the IRS.

The tax lien stems from unpaid income taxes for 2007. Months ago, the star settled another debt with the IRS, paying $666,000 in penalties for improperly deducted personal expenses. Cage’s $3.5 Million New Orleans mansion is currently up for sale, as is his $35 Million Hollywood home. All sure signs that the actor is flat broke and is trying to dig himself out of a massive hole of debt.

At first I felt kind of bad for him, but then I came to my senses and realized that’s ridiculous. Poor impoverished movie star. He might have to move to a mansion that’s only worth $1 Million, or start drinking coffee that hasn’t first been passed through the bowels of a civet cat.

It’s always been a mystery to me how actors and actresses could make millions and still end up penniless. I guess it just goes to show you that it doesn’t really matter how much money you make if you’re living above your means.