Here are some shots of Paris at her much-hyped NYE party in Australia for The Bongo Virus, which appears to be some sort of online social networking tool — one that, I assume, will be reporting a loss for 2008. Maybe this shit is a bigger deal in Australia (anyone who lives there ever heard of it?), but I don’t even want to know what they paid Paris and Nicky Hilton to show up there on New Year’s Eve. Oh, and the party was an “online” party, so you could actually pay to attend the party via the Internet. Dude, if you’re that damn set on drinking at home alone, go to an AA meeting, not an Internet party.

Anyway.

This whole thing just seems so ridiculous to me.

What’s the buzz like in Australia?

Oh, H&M, how I love thee. Home of the $8 sweater and the $20 pair of jeans. Home of racks and racks of cheap clothing that would have looked positively awesome on me when I was 14, before I had breasts and hips and body fat to take into account.

So I’m thrilled to see celebs like Nicky Hilton and Nicole Richie and Mischa Barton show up to celebrate some manner of dumb holiday promotion at H&M, even though we all know that the outfit Nicole Richie is wearing right now retails for more than the entire second floor.

Also there: Mena Suvari, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Ryan Cabrera, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mandy Moore, Jessica Stroup and Garcelle Beauvais.

Nicky Hilton celebrated her 25th birthday at PURE Nightclub last night with Paris, David Katzenberg and Benji Madden.  She’s obviously on the three Tic Tags and a Diet Pepsi a day regime.  Also, Paris’ brown eyes turned blue again and Benji Madden looks alternately afraid of and uninterested in Paris .

Paris and Nicky Hilton paint the town pink on Sunday night in Malibu.

And I included the second photo because it really does look like a single one of Paris’s feet is like twice the size of her head and her huge boat feet make me laugh. I bet if there were plastic surgery to get your feet made smaller, Paris Hilton would do it. I bet Paris looks at pictures of those little girls in Asia with the bound feet and is all like, “OMG those girls are soooo lucky. I wish someone had done that for me.”

So, yeah, Nicky Hilton’s spring collection hit the runway last night, and it’s all good and well that she’s creating a viable career and working hard at something that actually contributes something substantial to our culture as a whole, but forget all that: let’s talk about her eating disorder.

“There’s no truth to any starvation, eating disorders, rumors,” she told People magazine at her show last night. “I think the press has been printing a lot of pictures of me from unflattering angles … My friends see the pictures and they’re like ‘Oh my god are you okay?’ And then they see me, and they’re like ‘Oh … ‘ It’s really not that interesting or true.”

I know I’m a part of the Big Bad Media Machine, but I have to look at this and laugh. I’m sure Nicky’s busted her butt creating this line, but the story we all want to write is about her potential eating disorder. We’re all so disturbed.

Oh, and also, Nicky: the angles that make you look anorexic? Most celebs would consider those the flattering angles, my dear.

WELCOME TO 2008, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!

OMG, you guys, I had so much fun last night.

The party at Republic was a blast, and many thanks to Luke and the guys at USA4Real for putting together an amazing group of live bands and a kickass party.

Oh, and I chatted with Brittny Gastineau. For the second time this month. And she was really nice, per usual, and I felt like a huge ass, again, for all the shit I talk about her on here. I’ll have pics later tonight or tomorrow, whenever my girls send them along.

I also hung out for a bit with Sarah Welch, the gorgeous model who infamously fell through a hole on the runway at the Shadang show, and I have to tell you guys that she is an absolute sweetheart, and is able to have a great sense of humor about it, and it’s way less funny and way more sad once you’ve met her. It’s much easier to think of models as haughty bitches who deserve that shit, but she was anything but. She also has the most ridiculously amazing body and I can’t even hate her for it, she was that sweet.

Also there: MELROSE! From ANTM! But I didn’t get to chat with her. :( And Kevin Pollak. And a dude who looked EXACTLY like Adrian Grenier — I got all excited — but it wasn’t him.

Anyway.

Here’s Paris and Nicky hosting at a club in Vegas.

Posting will resume as normal on Wednesday.

Nicky Hilton was on board to host at PURE last night, and Orange Paris came along for the ride, and decided to give the paps an impromptu photo shoot.

I swear in one of these pictures it looks like she’s posing while in line for the bathroom.

This is kind of random, but whenever people find out what I do for a living, they regale me with their celeb encounter stories. I particularly enjoy this when these storytellers begin by acting disdainful about what I do for a living, and mention repeatedly that they “don’t care about that stupid shit” and “celebrities are no different from us” and then talk animatedly for the next thirty minutes about every celebrity they’ve ever seen. Anyway, one especially annoying guy told me recently that he was at a Vegas nightclub with Paris, and they wouldn’t let her cut in line to use the bathroom, so she just squatted down and peed on the dance floor. Don’t know if it’s true or not, but I wouldn’t put it past her.