I remember the very first time I realized that Topher was a nickname for “Christopher.” Like, you just take the second half of the name instead of using “Chris.” That was an exciting moment for me. I felt like a genius. Like the time I realized the Wiltern got its name because it’s on the corner of Wilshire and Western. That was a big moment too. It’s hard to feel smart in a world filled with Bill Gateses and Stephen Hawkings, but somehow I seem to manage.

Anyway. Vanessa Minnillo is managing, too. She and Nick Lachey may be recently dunzo, but she’s in no hurry to quit theceleb dating scene. Radar spotted her sucking face with Spiderman 3 star Topher Grace at a recent party at Seth MacFarlane’s house:

Topher then started rubbing her arm, and Vanessa whispered in his ear and they exchanged phone numbers.

Before long they were on the dance floor and putting the “dirty” in dirty dancing. Vanessa took off her shoes and held them in one hand, wrapping her other arm around Topher’s neck and the next thing we knew she was kissing him on the neck!

In a bit of perfect timing the DJ spun ‘Sex on Fire’ by Kings of Leon and Vanessa turned her back to Topher, and did a super hot grind/dance while he played with her hair. The music switched to The Jackson Five’s ‘ABC’ and that’s when Vanessa and Nick, er Topher, (sorry, it’s so hard to make the transition, for us, not her) starting MAKING OUT right on the dance floor!

Total rebound relationship. I wonder who Nick Lachey will be hitting up now. Anyone have guesses?

It would be fun to analyze the body language shown in this seven-day-old picture of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo if I wasn’t already aware of the fact that they just split.  It seems like they’ve been doing that for the entire three years they’ve been dating, but now it’s official and confirmed by her publicist.

It was only three weeks ago that Vanessa was talking about the 10 carat diamond she wanted and reassuring everyone that her relationship with Lachey was on solid ground.  I’m convinced that was what woke Nick up out of his three-year rebound haze.

How long until we see Nick with a Playmate of the Month perched on his lap?

I guess the way it works now is this:  If you’re famous and want to get married, take it to the media.  Jennifer Loved All My Fiances Hewitt issued the public ultimatum and now Vanessa Minnillo is trying the same pressure tactics.

Minnillo, and I like to call her Mannillo Wafer for no other reason than it makes me happy, talked with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous dude, Robin Leach about the big five-carat diamond she has on her middle finger.  She’s very subtle:

“We’re still together,” she said emphatically.” He would have been here with me, but he had to attend a best friend’s 40th birthday party. So once again it looks as if I’m always the bridesmaid but never the bride. However, this romance is still going strong. There will always be rumblings and rumors that we’ve broken up, but in fact, it’s very much still on — and it keeps on getting better. Maybe this will be the one time I wind up the bride instead of the bridesmaid!”

As if to underscore that point, she showed me the 5-karat diamond ring she was wearing on her left hand! It’s on the middle finger though, and she laughed: “It will be 10 carats when it moves to the fourth finger!”

So there ya go!  Vanessa and Nick are still together — I was very worried about their status — and she’s a materialistic wench who won’t settle for less than a 10-carat diamond.  Snatch her up Nick…she sounds like a real prize.

“I wish her nothing but the best and I hope she’s happy — whatever size that comes in.”

ZING!

Nick Lachey weighs in — ha ha no pun intended — on the media frenzy surrounding his ex-wife Jessica Simpson’s weight gain.

Just to highlight exactly how big a deal this has become, our very own President made a comment on it during his Matt Lauer interview for the Super Bowl pre-game broadcast. The clip is below. Watch it now — it’ll be pulled soon.

They’ve been dogged by break-up rumors recently, but Nick Lacey and Vanessa Minnillo looked very much the happy couple at a NYE party in Miami Beach last night.

When are these two going to get engaged???

Come to think of it, when are these two going to do anything?

Drew and Nick Lachey participate in the Fifth Annual Autism Speaks celebrity golf tournament in LA.

It’s great that they’re supporting an autism charity, but honestly? They look kind of ridiculous. There’s no turn-off quite like a man in golf shorts.

I like my men in firefighter uniforms. Ass-less firefighter uniforms, to be specific.

Hey guys, look, it’s Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo! Leaving an uneventful dinner! In a car! Sober!

But this is a fun picture because Vanessa looks like she’s crying and Nick’s giving the camera a look like “Yeah, I just put that ho in her place.”

In actuality, if you look at all of the photos, it’s clear that V just has something in her eye and they caught Nick at a bad angle, but, still.

This is how gossip is born.