Isn’t she just the sweetest little bitch ever?  Here’s the little pop tart yesterday in Paris publicly claiming hate for her ex, Nick Jonas.

So there’s a story on People.com today about how Selena Gomez wrote one of the tracks on her upcoming album about current beau Nick Jonas. “It’s about a boy I kind of fell for, but he couldn’t let his ex-girlfriend go, and it was really difficult … The song is basically me saying that I’m sorry that it didn’t work out or that she used to be who she was. But you have to let me in and you have to know that I’ll do everything I can to make you happy and be the best I can be,” says Selena.

Meanwhile, a couple weeks ago, there were stories about how Miley had written her hit “7 Things” about the very same Nick Jonas.

Now, as a perfectly healthy, well-adjusted 26-year-old woman, I am, of course, intrigued and semi-obsessed with the two 15-year-old girls fighting over an equally 15-year-old boy. I follow every article, every catty YouTube video, every half-hearted apology, every bitchy T-shirt, because that’s a perfectly understandable thing for a grown woman to be doing. I don’t, however, give a shit about Nick Jonas or the Jonas Brothers, because — come on — I’m a grown woman.

And, so, when, every now and then, a photograph of Nick Jonas crosses my path by sheer accident, I kind of do a double-take. Like, “There must be some mistake. That’s clearly not Nick Jonas.” I mean, if you look up the word “goober” in the dictionary, you’re going to find this kid’s mug staring right back at you. He looks about ten years old, while Miley and Selena look about twenty-two.

When I think back with fondness on the days that Lindsay and Hilary were battling it out over Aaron Carter, I’m like, ya know, at least he was hot for his age. I get that.

And I’m sorry to sound like Jerry “Shoe Shower” Seinfeld here, but what’s the deal with Nick Jonas?

Someone please explain.