I tried to report some positive stuff today — we need levity!  Any day that Naomi Campbell hasn’t tried to impale someone with her Blackberry is a day worth celebrating.  Unfortunately, she feels that black models are getting the shaft in these tough economic times.

“This year, we have gone back all the way that we had advanced.  I don’t see any black woman, or of any other race, in big advertising campaigns.  People, in the panic of the recession, don’t dare to put a girl of colour in their campaign, full stop. Nor of any other race. It’s a shame. It’s very sad.”

Even dress designer Bruce Oldfield agrees.  ”It’s absolutely true that black models will be not as popular for advertising companies and magazine covers as white girls.  In a recession, it’s probably doubly difficult for black girls to get a booking.  In this climate, things are worse, but it is compounding a problem that already exists.  Cover editors are going to choose white over black. Naomi is not far off the mark.”

You know, I haven’t noticed this, but that’s probably because I’m not black.  Now that I think of it, I can’t think of too many high-profile, visible African American models (I’m excluding black singers and actresses that have landed cosmetic contracts).  I do remember when Tyra Banks was the first African-American model to appear solo on the cover of Sports Illustrated — it was a big deal. That was when I first learned that magazine sales generally don’t perform as well with a person of color on the cover.  I’ve never known the reasons behind the whole “black doesn’t sell” phenomenon.  Racism?  

Barack Obama holds the top office in the land — can’t our society can get past this old-fashioned and narrow mindset?

Naomi Campbell was vacationing in Italy with her boyfriend and a pap got too close.  Can you predict how this ends?  If you guessed that Naomi whacked the camera guy in the head with her bag, injured his eye with her fingernail and landed him in the hospital, you’d be right.  Oddly enough, she didn’t stamp him with her trademark move:  Cellphone To The Head.

Campbell has had a long history of rifling Blackberries at her help, abusing law enforcement issues over luggage issues at the airport and committing God only knows what other, never-reported crimes against random innocents.  

Gaetano Di Giovanni, the recipient of Campbell’s nail, didn’t file a police report.  He said he temporarily couldn’t see but he could hear the supermodel’s bodyguards and boyfriend dragging her away.  I think we can expect a hush-hush out of court settlement to be forthcoming.

After years of hucking Blackberries at anyone who crossed her, it seems that supermodel Naomi Campbell is focused on sobriety.  In a new interview with Giant magazine, the glamazon reflects, “There comes a point when it all catches up with you and you have to deal with it. And that caused me to reassess myself and get real treatment for my anger and my addictions. Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realize that for me, it’s all or nothing—and it has to be nothing.  I’m in The Program, and I’m proud to be.  I’m not able to drink alcohol. My body cannot handle it. The discipline of The Program has helped me in other parts of my day-to-day life…I wish I knew about it earlier, but I found out about it when I did, and life is good.”

Good for Naomi.  I’m glad the thirty-nine year-old has clarity and I hope she sticks with it.  Also, it would be great if she could give Lindsay a call.  And Lily.  And Amy.

Apparently she hasn’t chucked a cell phone at him yet, because Naomi Campbell was spotted in San Tropez with her new man, Brazilian businessman Marcus Elias.

I keep wanting to call this guy Marcus Aurelius. I can’t believe I even remember the name Marcus Aurelius. My ninth-grade history teacher deserves a medal (she also didn’t believe in shaving her legs, and she wore tank-tops and dresses around fifteen-year-olds all year, and she deserves a medal for that, too). However, I cannot remember what the hell he did. Was he the one with, like, a bunch of tenets that he nailed to a church wall? Ah, no, Wikipedia has reminded me that he was one of the Roman emperors during the Pax Romana. Man, I remember so little from those years of my education. Wanna know the one thing I do remember? Caligula, another emperor during the Pax Romana, was so insane he made his horse priest and consul. That is honestly the one thing I remember from ancient Roman history. And I just checked with Wikipedia, and they remember it too! Hee hee! I remembered something from high school! Clearly I wasn’t high enough that day.

If I were a Roman Emperor, I would make Leo my priest and consul.

I’m rambling, aren’t I?

Anyway. I guess he’s pretty hot. Try not to mangle his pretty face during one of your temper tantrums, Naomi.

Naomi Campbell was released on bail on Friday after being arrested for spitting at a police officer at an airport.

Next stop?

Re. Hab.

Naomi’s been arrested more than once for shit like this, and she always gets off with a slap on the wrist. She’s never served a minute of jail time. But spitting on a police officer? God, I hope they throw the book at this chick. Her best bet at this point is to check herself in for some serious rehabbery, because I think it’s safe to say homegirl’s drinking again.

Last May, Naomi Campbell spouted off to W magazine about how she was truly embracing sobriety, how she’d surrendered and had found inner peace.

Last November, we caught her posed at a dinner with a glass of wine.

And yesterday, she was arrested at Heathrow Airport for spitting on a police officer after she learned one of her bags was missing.

Yeah.

I think Naomi Campbell’s off the wagon. And probably headed to rehab soon, if not to jail.

Honestly I had hoped to avoid bringing you this story — it bores me to my core — but there’s really not much else going on today, so the gossip world has hurled itself into this Naomi-Campbell-has-a-cyst story.

Yes, it’s true.

Naomi Campbell had a cyst, and it’s been removed.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “cyst” as “an abnormal membranous sac containing a gaseous, liquid, or semisolid substance.”

I know you guys are thinking the same thing I am: They took out Naomi Campbell’s entire brain?

“I cannot reveal what Naomi had, nor how serious her condition was, but I can say I operated on her yesterday, that everything went smoothly and that she is completely cured and walking in her room,” said the doctor in Brazil who operated on her.

Ugh, I have a cyst, too. Its name is Naomi Campbell. Can someone in Brazil please remove my cyst and then issue a fucking press release on a slow news day?

Naomi Campbell, an admitted alcoholic, poses with a glass of lovely white wine at the Marie Claire Prix de la Mode in Madrid.

Now I’m not saying she drank it.

I’m just saying it’s there.

Also, I don’t know how many animals died to make her wrap, but they’re all about to suffer another death at the hands of her extensions. Honestly, Naomi, your hair should accentuate your outfit, not strangle it.

Naomi Campbell attends the 37th Annual Black Retail Action Group Inc. Scholarship and Awards Dinner at Cipriani in New York.

Best I can tell, she didn’t throw a cell phone at anyone. And she looks amazing.

Maybe all that toilet-scrubbing helped her figure out what really matters in life.

Everyone who’s anyone in London showed up on Tuesday night for the launch of the Christmas line of Kate Moss’s Topshop line.

It’s like the more heroin this girl injects, the more people want to buy things from her. No wonder she doesn’t want to quit.

Celebs who showed up include Simon Cowell, Jade Jagger, Elle Macpherson, Lily Allen, Naomi Campbell, and Sophie Dahl.

Is a little toilet-scrubbing really all it took to get Naomi Campbell to give sobriety another shot? In a recent interview with W magazine, Naomi talked about the community service she was forced to do after being charged with felony assault for throwing her cell phone at her maid. She shared the diaries she’d written during that period.

“I find solace in sweeping,” wrote the supermodel, who famously left the last day of her community service wearing a stunning silver evening gown. “I have no other responsibility. I have no phone. I have the time to think. Just have, you know, peace. Two of the people in the room have never been on a plane. They ask me what it’s like, and I’m embarrassed to tell them I was on seven planes the week before alone. It’s so interesting to get to know so many different sorts of people … One co-worker tells me how he ended up here, basically because of alcohol. I bond with him, and I tell him I’m in recovery.”

Campbell opened up about her struggles with addiction. “I first sought treatment in 1999 and then went in and out of recovery,” she said. “I’d think I had things under control, but then I would relapse. I never really looked into myself, deep below the surface.”

“What I came to realise is that I had to surrender. I had to let something higher than me be in control of my destiny. You have to let yourself become vulnerable again … Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realise that, for me, it’s all or nothing — and it has to be nothing. And my life has changed since.”

Remember, for throwing her cell phone at her maid? This is her community service. There are going to be five days of it. Unlike Boy George, who had the honor of doing this same community service outdoors last summer, Naomi will work safely behind the doors of a sanitation garage. Sad. :( But video of Naomi arriving this morning is here.