I tried to report some positive stuff today — we need levity!  Any day that Naomi Campbell hasn’t tried to impale someone with her Blackberry is a day worth celebrating.  Unfortunately, she feels that black models are getting the shaft in these tough economic times.

“This year, we have gone back all the way that we had advanced.  I don’t see any black woman, or of any other race, in big advertising campaigns.  People, in the panic of the recession, don’t dare to put a girl of colour in their campaign, full stop. Nor of any other race. It’s a shame. It’s very sad.”

Even dress designer Bruce Oldfield agrees.  ”It’s absolutely true that black models will be not as popular for advertising companies and magazine covers as white girls.  In a recession, it’s probably doubly difficult for black girls to get a booking.  In this climate, things are worse, but it is compounding a problem that already exists.  Cover editors are going to choose white over black. Naomi is not far off the mark.”

You know, I haven’t noticed this, but that’s probably because I’m not black.  Now that I think of it, I can’t think of too many high-profile, visible African American models (I’m excluding black singers and actresses that have landed cosmetic contracts).  I do remember when Tyra Banks was the first African-American model to appear solo on the cover of Sports Illustrated — it was a big deal. That was when I first learned that magazine sales generally don’t perform as well with a person of color on the cover.  I’ve never known the reasons behind the whole “black doesn’t sell” phenomenon.  Racism?  

Barack Obama holds the top office in the land — can’t our society can get past this old-fashioned and narrow mindset?

Naomi Campbell was vacationing in Italy with her boyfriend and a pap got too close.  Can you predict how this ends?  If you guessed that Naomi whacked the camera guy in the head with her bag, injured his eye with her fingernail and landed him in the hospital, you’d be right.  Oddly enough, she didn’t stamp him with her trademark move:  Cellphone To The Head.

Campbell has had a long history of rifling Blackberries at her help, abusing law enforcement issues over luggage issues at the airport and committing God only knows what other, never-reported crimes against random innocents.  

Gaetano Di Giovanni, the recipient of Campbell’s nail, didn’t file a police report.  He said he temporarily couldn’t see but he could hear the supermodel’s bodyguards and boyfriend dragging her away.  I think we can expect a hush-hush out of court settlement to be forthcoming.

After years of hucking Blackberries at anyone who crossed her, it seems that supermodel Naomi Campbell is focused on sobriety.  In a new interview with Giant magazine, the glamazon reflects, “There comes a point when it all catches up with you and you have to deal with it. And that caused me to reassess myself and get real treatment for my anger and my addictions. Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realize that for me, it’s all or nothing—and it has to be nothing.  I’m in The Program, and I’m proud to be.  I’m not able to drink alcohol. My body cannot handle it. The discipline of The Program has helped me in other parts of my day-to-day life…I wish I knew about it earlier, but I found out about it when I did, and life is good.”

Good for Naomi.  I’m glad the thirty-nine year-old has clarity and I hope she sticks with it.  Also, it would be great if she could give Lindsay a call.  And Lily.  And Amy.

Apparently she hasn’t chucked a cell phone at him yet, because Naomi Campbell was spotted in San Tropez with her new man, Brazilian businessman Marcus Elias.

I keep wanting to call this guy Marcus Aurelius. I can’t believe I even remember the name Marcus Aurelius. My ninth-grade history teacher deserves a medal (she also didn’t believe in shaving her legs, and she wore tank-tops and dresses around fifteen-year-olds all year, and she deserves a medal for that, too). However, I cannot remember what the hell he did. Was he the one with, like, a bunch of tenets that he nailed to a church wall? Ah, no, Wikipedia has reminded me that he was one of the Roman emperors during the Pax Romana. Man, I remember so little from those years of my education. Wanna know the one thing I do remember? Caligula, another emperor during the Pax Romana, was so insane he made his horse priest and consul. That is honestly the one thing I remember from ancient Roman history. And I just checked with Wikipedia, and they remember it too! Hee hee! I remembered something from high school! Clearly I wasn’t high enough that day.

If I were a Roman Emperor, I would make Leo my priest and consul.

I’m rambling, aren’t I?

Anyway. I guess he’s pretty hot. Try not to mangle his pretty face during one of your temper tantrums, Naomi.

Naomi Campbell was released on bail on Friday after being arrested for spitting at a police officer at an airport.

Next stop?

Re. Hab.

Naomi’s been arrested more than once for shit like this, and she always gets off with a slap on the wrist. She’s never served a minute of jail time. But spitting on a police officer? God, I hope they throw the book at this chick. Her best bet at this point is to check herself in for some serious rehabbery, because I think it’s safe to say homegirl’s drinking again.

Last May, Naomi Campbell spouted off to W magazine about how she was truly embracing sobriety, how she’d surrendered and had found inner peace.

Last November, we caught her posed at a dinner with a glass of wine.

And yesterday, she was arrested at Heathrow Airport for spitting on a police officer after she learned one of her bags was missing.

Yeah.

I think Naomi Campbell’s off the wagon. And probably headed to rehab soon, if not to jail.

Honestly I had hoped to avoid bringing you this story — it bores me to my core — but there’s really not much else going on today, so the gossip world has hurled itself into this Naomi-Campbell-has-a-cyst story.

Yes, it’s true.

Naomi Campbell had a cyst, and it’s been removed.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “cyst” as “an abnormal membranous sac containing a gaseous, liquid, or semisolid substance.”

I know you guys are thinking the same thing I am: They took out Naomi Campbell’s entire brain?

“I cannot reveal what Naomi had, nor how serious her condition was, but I can say I operated on her yesterday, that everything went smoothly and that she is completely cured and walking in her room,” said the doctor in Brazil who operated on her.

Ugh, I have a cyst, too. Its name is Naomi Campbell. Can someone in Brazil please remove my cyst and then issue a fucking press release on a slow news day?