Apparently she hasn’t chucked a cell phone at him yet, because Naomi Campbell was spotted in San Tropez with her new man, Brazilian businessman Marcus Elias.

I keep wanting to call this guy Marcus Aurelius. I can’t believe I even remember the name Marcus Aurelius. My ninth-grade history teacher deserves a medal (she also didn’t believe in shaving her legs, and she wore tank-tops and dresses around fifteen-year-olds all year, and she deserves a medal for that, too). However, I cannot remember what the hell he did. Was he the one with, like, a bunch of tenets that he nailed to a church wall? Ah, no, Wikipedia has reminded me that he was one of the Roman emperors during the Pax Romana. Man, I remember so little from those years of my education. Wanna know the one thing I do remember? Caligula, another emperor during the Pax Romana, was so insane he made his horse priest and consul. That is honestly the one thing I remember from ancient Roman history. And I just checked with Wikipedia, and they remember it too! Hee hee! I remembered something from high school! Clearly I wasn’t high enough that day.

If I were a Roman Emperor, I would make Leo my priest and consul.

I’m rambling, aren’t I?

Anyway. I guess he’s pretty hot. Try not to mangle his pretty face during one of your temper tantrums, Naomi.

Naomi Campbell was released on bail on Friday after being arrested for spitting at a police officer at an airport.

Next stop?

Re. Hab.

Naomi’s been arrested more than once for shit like this, and she always gets off with a slap on the wrist. She’s never served a minute of jail time. But spitting on a police officer? God, I hope they throw the book at this chick. Her best bet at this point is to check herself in for some serious rehabbery, because I think it’s safe to say homegirl’s drinking again.

Last May, Naomi Campbell spouted off to W magazine about how she was truly embracing sobriety, how she’d surrendered and had found inner peace.

Last November, we caught her posed at a dinner with a glass of wine.

And yesterday, she was arrested at Heathrow Airport for spitting on a police officer after she learned one of her bags was missing.

Yeah.

I think Naomi Campbell’s off the wagon. And probably headed to rehab soon, if not to jail.

Honestly I had hoped to avoid bringing you this story — it bores me to my core — but there’s really not much else going on today, so the gossip world has hurled itself into this Naomi-Campbell-has-a-cyst story.

Yes, it’s true.

Naomi Campbell had a cyst, and it’s been removed.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines “cyst” as “an abnormal membranous sac containing a gaseous, liquid, or semisolid substance.”

I know you guys are thinking the same thing I am: They took out Naomi Campbell’s entire brain?

“I cannot reveal what Naomi had, nor how serious her condition was, but I can say I operated on her yesterday, that everything went smoothly and that she is completely cured and walking in her room,” said the doctor in Brazil who operated on her.

Ugh, I have a cyst, too. Its name is Naomi Campbell. Can someone in Brazil please remove my cyst and then issue a fucking press release on a slow news day?

Naomi Campbell, an admitted alcoholic, poses with a glass of lovely white wine at the Marie Claire Prix de la Mode in Madrid.

Now I’m not saying she drank it.

I’m just saying it’s there.

Also, I don’t know how many animals died to make her wrap, but they’re all about to suffer another death at the hands of her extensions. Honestly, Naomi, your hair should accentuate your outfit, not strangle it.

Naomi Campbell attends the 37th Annual Black Retail Action Group Inc. Scholarship and Awards Dinner at Cipriani in New York.

Best I can tell, she didn’t throw a cell phone at anyone. And she looks amazing.

Maybe all that toilet-scrubbing helped her figure out what really matters in life.

Everyone who’s anyone in London showed up on Tuesday night for the launch of the Christmas line of Kate Moss’s Topshop line.

It’s like the more heroin this girl injects, the more people want to buy things from her. No wonder she doesn’t want to quit.

Celebs who showed up include Simon Cowell, Jade Jagger, Elle Macpherson, Lily Allen, Naomi Campbell, and Sophie Dahl.

Is a little toilet-scrubbing really all it took to get Naomi Campbell to give sobriety another shot? In a recent interview with W magazine, Naomi talked about the community service she was forced to do after being charged with felony assault for throwing her cell phone at her maid. She shared the diaries she’d written during that period.

“I find solace in sweeping,” wrote the supermodel, who famously left the last day of her community service wearing a stunning silver evening gown. “I have no other responsibility. I have no phone. I have the time to think. Just have, you know, peace. Two of the people in the room have never been on a plane. They ask me what it’s like, and I’m embarrassed to tell them I was on seven planes the week before alone. It’s so interesting to get to know so many different sorts of people … One co-worker tells me how he ended up here, basically because of alcohol. I bond with him, and I tell him I’m in recovery.”

Campbell opened up about her struggles with addiction. “I first sought treatment in 1999 and then went in and out of recovery,” she said. “I’d think I had things under control, but then I would relapse. I never really looked into myself, deep below the surface.”

“What I came to realise is that I had to surrender. I had to let something higher than me be in control of my destiny. You have to let yourself become vulnerable again … Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I’ve finally come to realise that, for me, it’s all or nothing — and it has to be nothing. And my life has changed since.”