We all have our own version of what a perfect world is.  In my edition, every rom-com actress would be put on a boat and shipped out to a far and distant land where every female cast member from The Hills would greet them at the shore.  Oh, and Jon Gosselin and Octomom are married and raise their 22 kids (did I do that math right?) together in the only infrastructure that could house them all — the Staples Center.

Sure, it may sound outlandish.  And the boat would never actually arrive at it’s destination before everyone would jump overboard just to escape Julia Roberts’ braying, but here is where reality is giving me the biggest smile I’ve had since The Beautiful Life got cancelled:  Octomom actually has a crush on Jon Gosselin.  (I almost typed “crust” instead of “crush” and I think either word works.)  Radar even has her admission on film.  Oh, God … please let this happen.  Jon and Nadya Plus 22 doesn’t sound too catchy, but I think with a little bit of imagination, we could come up with something great.  Mass O’ Massengills? Octodouche?

Back in May, when it seemed like an Octomom reality show was going to become a — well, reality, attorney Gloria Allred and former child star (Mickey Mouse Club) Paul Peterson filed suit to ensure that Nadya Suleman’s children would be properly compensated and that a third party would oversee those monies.  Suleman protested, citing family privacy and accusing Allred and Peterson of self-promoting.  

Yesterday, a judge heard the case and ruled that a guardian ad litem would be assigned to monitor the funds being paid to the children.  Each child will be paid $250 on any day that cameras are filming for the still-unnamed show.  No word on how much Nadya is being paid for her role.

Suleman was asked how she felt after the ruling — “indifferent” — but am I the only one who doesn’t really care about all that?  I’m just simply amazed at how awesome she looks after giving birth to fourteen kids.

Weren’t some of you just wondering what happened to Octomom and what kind of craziness she would pull to wrestle a little entertainment media attention away from MJ and the Gosselin’s? Well, it turns out the fastest way to get back into the news is to have your child eat a volcano.

Suleman’s 2 year old son Caleb was taken to the hospital this morning after ingesting the contents of his older brother’s volcano kit. Reports are that Caleb vomited up most of the chemicals from the kit  (which is a different kind of volcano altogether).

Suleman called the paramedics– just to be on the safe side– then posed for souvenir photos at the request of one of the firemen that arrived. Classy.

Ah, it’s the commentary we’ve all been waiting for.  Octo-Mom finally speaks out about what a totalfamewhore Kate Gosselin is.  There is nothing so ironic as one clown car uterus criticizing another clown car uterus.  You can see the video here and it’s really worth watching if only to see Octo say “Histreeeeooonic….histreeeeoooonic…..histreeeeooooonic.”  I’m more convinced than ever that Nadya Suleman’s best retort while under attack consists of some version of, “I know you are, but what am I?”

Octo-Mom is looking pretty good these days.  I can’t believe I’m saying that, but it’s true.

No, don’t worry, she’s not feeding curly fries to the newborns … well, at least we don’t have photographic evidence of that yet. Nadya Suleman was snapped picking up three of her older kids from school and taking them to Arby’s to get some drive-thru wholesome goodness.

For a bunch more of these pics, click here.

Nadya Suleman, aka “The Octomom,” is looking to trademark the term “Octomom.” The only problem is that someone else beat her to the punch: a Houston-based novelty company filed an application with the trademark office a month before she did. Only one other person thought to do that??? I would have expected at least 100 applications to be filed. It’s a good word to own these days.

Nadya’s lawyers are getting in the ring to get that word back:

“It’s not going to matter because they had no permission from Nadya, who has the rightful claim to the name ‘Octomom’, ” says Suleman’s attorney Jeff Czech.

Suleman has previously said she disliked being called “Octomom,” but the unemployed mother of 14 realized it could be used to provide a source of revenue for her family. “She’s never warmed to it, but the idea would be for others to use it for licensing,” says Czech. “It’s just a smart thing to do.”

I don’t know shit about the law, but I don’t see how Nadya has the right to this word over anyone else. After all, she didn’t think of it. Bloggers did. See how much value we add to the economy?

We all knew it was just a matter of time. Now the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, and her bazillion helpless children, have landed a TV show. Except it’ll only be airing in the UK … and then they’ll see if the US is interested.

“Yes, it is official. I’m going to be doing a show, but it’s not a reality show,” Nadya tells Life & Style. “What I’m doing with this TV show is basically creating documentaries about the lives of my children. It’s going to be an ongoing thing, and it will follow them from now until they are 18. It’s being done by Eyeworks; they’re in the UK. It will air in the UK and then we’ll see if the US is interested.”

Nadya adds that the documentary style of the show won’t infringe on her family’s privacy: “The producers will come here to film six times a year. They’ll come by and take some footage and then they’ll go. They won’t be invading my life or my children’s lives.”

Plus, the filming will help this busy mom remember the important milestones for her children. “It will give me the opportunity to have incredible home movies that, believe me, I don’t have the time to make myself. Having this documentary crew allows me to focus on raising my children and still have great movies of them.”

I’m kind of confused about this only airing in the UK. You’d think the US networks would be all over this shit like sperm on Nadya Suleman’s eggs. Are they worried about the backlash from the enormous amount of people in the US who realize that this woman is batshit insane and doesn’t deserve to be compensated for bringing children into the world without the resources to take care of them? Don’t people in the UK feel the same? British readers, what’s the feeling over there about the Octomom?