Everything is status quo in Mischa’s world.  After a couple weeks in a lockdown mental health facility, she tempted the fates by attending a party in New York City on her first weekend of freedom.  To be fair, she drank “water” and left by 10:40, but when you are in your earliest days of sobriety — and so many reports point to Mischa having a substance abuse issue — you need to be at home making macrame hanging plant holders, not at a club wearing them.

I need to see how I can get into this loony bin to the stars.  Misch looks better than she has since she was two.  I love the new hair and the time of rest seems to have shaved at least 30 years off her appearance.  Do they give facials in rehab?  They must.

She spoke with an OK! reporter and claimed,“I’m feeling great! I’m really happy.”  Well, Misch — I’m glad you’re happy, you selfish bitch.  Have you thought of all I had to go through over the past couple weeks?  Did you think about me pacing the halls at night wondering if I’d ever be able to freely make fun of  you again?  No, of course you didn’t.

A tipster points us to this little-known interview with Mischa Barton done in January 2009. At first she’s just rambling about hair products (she gets a pass there since it’s an Herbal Essences event), but around the 1:55 line she talks about her OC days — how she hated the show by the end and chose for her character to die. Then she says that she never sees any of the cast from the show anymore.

She doesn’t seem high or drunk, exactly, but something’s off. Hungover maybe? Or just the early, brewing stages of a complete break-down?

I know you’ve all been sick and sleepless, worrying about the state of Mischa Barton.  I’m happy to report that she’s out of those chains that bind her, better known as a 5150, and in New York.  Presumably, she’s there to film for her new show, the one that I know is going to be a hit, The Beautiful Life.

I’d like to personally extend thanks to the mental health facility that helped to strip Misch of her lifelong liquid-eyeliner habit.  I know it’s one day at a time, but I remain hopeful that she experiences a lifetime of raccoon-free eyes.

Other than filming, next up for Mischa is an extensive therapy program designed to help her select one accent and stick with it.  Good luck, Misch!

Good morning, Wendie! Here’s video of Mischa Barton, moving in and out of a British accent as she moves in and out of consciousness during a recent interview at a Harrod’s opening.

Ummmm, maybe that psychiatric hold was about an identity crisis? Mischa can’t seem to figure out if she’s a washed-up American actress or a washed-up British hooker.

Let’s play “Guess The Drug” today.  Sadly, it’s not an embeddable clip, but click here to watch an interview from last month when Mischa Barton attended the Harrod’s Summer Sale.  Watch all the way to the end so that you don’t miss a moment of slurring, swaying or fake British accent.  When you’re done hearing Misch talk about her fashion icons and super-exclusive handbag line, return here and tell me what substance(s) she is on.  Is that a pot daze or a coke glaze?  

In response to yesterday’s reports that Barton’s The Beautiful Life role was being recast, her rep has released a statement assuring the tens of concerned fans that she will be on set and ready to inhale work on July 31st.  Of course that uninsurable little cash cow will be back at work!

Friends have come forward to explain the reasons behind Misch’s hospitalization.  In an instance of terrifying irony, last year Lindsay Lohan sat down with Mischa and urged her to get help due to her addiction.  That didn’t take, and in addition, it seems that one of Barton’s biggest challenges has been poor body image.  ”She had a big problem with those photos of her cellulite. … She didn’t like it.  That just was something that contributed to her spiraling but she didn’t do much to fix it because of her partying.” 

Well, listen, no one really likes cellulite and cankles but that’s what wide-leg pants were made for.  Embrace them, Mischa.  Embrace them.

As I mentioned the other day, I just feel like part of my soul has been ripped out ever since Mischa Barton was put into Cedars-Sinai on that 5150.  A life where I feel like I can’t make fun of Mischa is hardly one worth living.  For example, the other day I tried telling a joke to someone about how Mischa was kicked out of a Making a Potholder class over the weekend.  My punch line had something to do with suede fringe and headbands and a crackpipe — as is the punch line for all Mischa Barton jokes — but I couldn’t even get to it … my voice just kind of trailed off …  Where, oh where has my passionate hatred gone?  Oh, what’s the use in continuing?

Anyway, there’s nothing like firing someone from their job when they’re hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts.  And though it’s not official yet, it looks like that could be the fate of Mischa and her role on the CW’s The Beautiful Life.

Radar reports:

The CW’s new drama, about the lives of supermodels, is already preparing for life without Mischa Barton, EW reported, in light of her recent involuntary psychiatric hold implemented by Los Angeles police. Alternate plans have the show replacing Barton’s role — that of Sonja Stonean, an experienced-but-fading model, to be replaced by a different character of the same ilk (which casting has already begun for). Barton’s image was still being advertised on the show’s Web site as of press time.

Listen, it’s a pretty well known fact that I’m not a huge fan of Mischa Barton’s.  As a matter of fact, I was flooded with congratulatory emails when she went off the deep end.  But even I question the judgment of a team of producers that want to replace the suicidal druggie now that she’s locked up and getting help.  These are the same fuckwits that hired her in the first place after seeing her audition tape or any portion of her body of “work.”  Like, her “acting” on the O.C. made her bankable but being enrolled in intensive therapy means she’s out on her ass?

I don’t know, I guess we just have to wait and see what happens.  But I was really looking forward to getting high once a week — is there any other way to get through 42 minutes of Misch? — and watching her new show.  It won’t be the same with a replacement.  

Get well soon, Misch.  Real soon.  I “miss” you.

I’m so aggravated right now.  Mischa Barton has been placed on a 5150.  For those of you who weren’t paying attention back when Britney got the crazies, that’s an involuntary psychiatric hold.  I’m pissed.

Quite frankly, in my dating days, nothing could kill my ability to orgasm quicker than a guy saying he wanted to get married.  It’s like, once that boundary was crossed, I could never “go there” again.  I’m not sure how my husband dodged that bullet, but whatever. 

The same theory applies with celebrities.  It’s all fun when it’s DUI’s and sex tapes but once they go into a mental hospital I feel like I can never really make fun of them again.  Britney pulled this crap with me and so did Susan Boyle.  Now, my all-time favorite target has betrayed me as well. 

Mischa will get better.  She will get out of the hospital.  She will go on to “star” in  more direct-to-DVD movies and less than mediocre series television shows.  But, it’s like the seal has been broken.  Now that I know about the fragility of her mind, it feels like picking on the handicapped or a child of Tori Spelling.  I just can’t do it.  Please, help me overcome this invisible barrier of decency.

I.  Am.  Depressed.  Oh, and a big thanks to Jennifer for emailing me about this and basically ruining the rest of my life.