Miley Cyrus’s boyfriend, Justin Gaston, does yet another magazine shoot featuring his wiener.

Playing make-believe author isn’t just for Lauren Conrad anymore!

Guess who else “wrote” a “book”? Why, Miley Cyrus. It’s autobiographical, and I bet you can’t guess what the title is. I mean, I have about 800 potentially awesome titles for the Miley autobiography running around in my head like a bunch of coked-up Jonas Brothers, but she decided to go with the totally dull Miley Cyrus: Miles to Go. Le sigh.

Miley talks about how the other kids were really mean to her before she was famous, and I’m so excited to bring you these little pearls of literary genius plunked down by her ghost-writer:

Three girls strutted up and stood towering over me. My stomach churned. I clutched my grilled-cheese sandwich like it was the hand of my best friend

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t chicken. What could they do to me? I was surrounded by people. I stood up, still a foot shorter then they were, and said, ‘What’s your problem? What did I ever do to you?’

And my personal favorite, as she’s talking about beating out Taylor Momsen for the role of Hannah Montana, when she was like 12:

I didn’t dare forget the struggle. There was a reason for it. I brought that girl with me, and she reminds me to be compassionate,” she writes. “To not hold grudges. To be supportive. To be there for others when I know I’m needed.

Ohhhhhhhhh, the struggle!!!! IT IS CRUSHING ME.

There’s also some boring shit about Nick Jonas in there, if you care about that sort of thing.

Sweet Minty Jesus.

How awesome is that picture juxtaposed with Miley’s inspirational quote?

Miley’s reputed main squeeze, Justin Gaston, recently did a racy shoot with VMan Magazine. Good thing Justin and Miley are both *ahem* chaste and uh…regular church goers. Otherwise, I could see how Billy Ray might consider revoking his apparent sanctioning of this relationship. Any guy willing to get greased up, semi nude, and crotch- grabby probably shouldn’t be hanging out with someones hormonally charged rebellious teenage daughter.

For more pics of Justin sporting tight pants, mysterious bulges, and questionable hair see below.

Here’s Miley Cyrus’s boyfriend, Justin Gaston, with whom she does NOT have sex, posing for VMAN magazine.

Ummmmm, yeah.

I’m sooo sure she never rides this.

Simon Cowell would bitch her out!!!

Miz Cyrus performed on Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway in the UK last night, and forgot the words to her own song, “Fly on the Wall.” It happens around the 1:12 mark. At the very end of the performance, you can see her saying to one of her dancers, “I forgot the words!”

Listen, I know how we all hate Miley Cyrus because it’s our duty as responsible adults and stuff, but she actually recovered really, really well, and she’s a fantastic live performer. Let’s keep in mind that this girl is sixteen years old, and give her a tiny bit of credit. At least she didn’t break out into a jig, Ashlee-style.

Also: her legs are fantastic. Then again, so were mine when I was 16.

Thanks Andy!

Lucie J. Kim has filed suit in Superior Court against Miley Cyrus, on behalf of every Asian Pacific Islander in Los Angeles County.  This is just the newest development in Slantgate.  Kim is asking for the minimum amount that can be awarded for a civil rights violation-$4,000 for each person.  That totals FOUR BILLION DOLLARS.

Kim isn’t swayed by Miley’s “aw, shucks, I’m just a young’un, ya’ll know I love you and Jesus,” apology and feels that Cyrus is on the same maturity level as Paris Hilton.  In other words, this chick basically called Miley a whore.  A whore who must pay.

Miley Cyrus attended the 51st Annual GRAMMY Awards – Salute To Icons: Clive Davis, and while at first what she’s wearing appears to simply be an over eager attempt at sexiness embossed with the unlikely image of Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast, once she turns to the side you see this:

Is that a bustle?!  A bustled mini dress with pockets?! Miley, I know you’re anxious to get this “potential racist” stench monkey off your back, but adorning your backside with three extra yards of fabric in the form of ruffles (especially when said fabric could have been better used to cover the rest of your exposed thigh area) is not going to cut it.

More people on the red carpet of this event, including Fantasia (in vintage?), Paula, Taylor Swift, and Leona Lewis below.